Pauline fell apart last night because I guess Steve has announced that their marriage is over. I figure good riddance, because he's abusive and unkind, but it's hard to watch her suffer. My hope is that she'll take the opportunity to get some therapy and stop getting into these abusive relationship situations and gain some self-respect and confidence.

I know I should be more something about the institution of marriage, but he's plain ordinary mean to her. He takes great pains to tell her what a loser she is compared to him and how together he is. Mind you, this is the same asshole who lied to his family, told them that she has a degree, even though she doesn't have her high school diploma because apparently he wasn't proud of her. This is the same guy who hasn't told his family that they're separated and expects her to go to Easter festivities at his family's in Stockton, even though he's essentially filing for divorce. Yes, it's fucked up.

He doesn't hit her like her ex did, but the bruises he leaves behind are more damaging and lingering. I think he's a perfect dickhead. I could be biased of course, but that's what I think.

I had my appointment today with one of the midwives. I realize with the diabetes that the best I can hope for is a midwife-doctor tag team, but apparently there are also volunteer doulahs at the hospital, who could offer support to Mike and me. I know Pauline has offered, but she has her own agenda and so far hasn't show a willingness to give it up for what I want, so I'm going to talk to her about it and see if we can come to an understanding. If she doesn't feel she can abide by my wishes, then she has to stay home and wait for the call from Mike. And then Mike will pick her and Bear up. I talked to her today and said I just didn't know yet and probably wouldn't until I went in. I just asked her to be flexible and she laughed and said she could do that.

The only thing worrisome at all to me is that my blood pressure is up a little bit. Normally, mind you, my blood pressure is around 120/70 or less and it was up to 138/80. Usually, I am the queen of worrying, but these days, I'm just sort of riding it out. I know this baby will come and I'm impatient, but I also know that impatience gets me nothing significant, so I'm just feeling my cramps, my occasional contraction and waiting out Miss Genevieve.

Mike is coming home an hour early because I started just sobbing. I'm not sure quite why. Maybe it was the voicemail message that his mom called from some cyber cafe with Grammy and wanted to show her the wedding video and didn't have the software there, apparently. I called and talked with her, but I feel so standoffish around her. I'm always afraid whatever I say will send her spinning into some sort of weird emotional fret. The awful thing is that whatever I say usually does send her spinning into some unforseen emotional fret. Thus, the elopement was a blessing to me.

And I'm getting cranky. I don't like to be smothered, but Pauline and Stephanie drove me around yesterday because I shouldn't be driving when I'm in any kind of labor I was told. Somehow when the contractions don't even show up on the monitor, it ain't that serious. I figure I'm not going more than about half an hour from anything, so if I get bad suddenly, I can call Mike, he'll come and get me and off we'll go into the great mystery o' birth.

Okay, so I'm being a little flippant. I just hate being smothered. I went to the mall this morning and I positively snuck out and as I was getting into the car, Stephanie discovered me. All I could think was,"BUSTED!" She said something about finding thank you cards at Long's that I could use for the shower because she knew I was shopping for them. And then asked me if I was heading to the doctor's appointment.

I cringed.

"Um, nope, going to the mall in Sacramento. I've got to pick up some stuff."

Then I got the nth degree about should I be driving and I said,"Well, Mike is in Sacramento and about a 10 minute drive from the mall, so I can call him, if I need to." She backed off a bit, but I was definitely feeling smothered to death.

I drove out of the parking lot, feeling victorious and headed up to the mall.

I got my truffles. It's all I want after I deliver. I want permission to eat naughty naughty truffles with way too much sugar in them and I don't feel like I can do that with the munchkin on board, but I feel like I can splurge after I have her and then go back to being a good diabetic. And these are Godiva truffles...so they aren't some cheap cruddy chocolate stuff...they'll be worth waiting for. *drooly dreams of 'diva truffles*

I got my thank you cards, Russell's Pokemon paraphenalia, and I went to the Body Shop. God knew what she was doing when she put me at the doorway of my first body shop. I swear she did.

Mike and I both love Brazil Nut Shampoo, but we haven't really had the time over the past several months to make the special trip to Sacramento, find parking and buy the stuff. I bought two big bottles of it and when I showed Mike the booty, he positively glowed. If it did nothing else, the stuff smells fabulous, but it also is really nice on our hair. I also found a handy dandy massager and a face spritz thing, which I thought might be nice for labor. I just like going around the shop and smelling all the tester bottles.

I have a super keen sense of smell. Smell is therefore important to me, so I think all body and bath shops and scented candle places are the coolest and spiffiest places to hang out and inhale. And yes, I'm bringing a smelly thing for labor with me to the hospital. It's called Home Sweet Home and it's a cinnamony candle scent made by Yankee Candles. Yum.

I am shopping too much, but it's really really fun. Tomorrow, I drive Pauline around and I snooze in the afternoon. Unless the full moon and all the sex I've promised my husband we'd have works its magic and I go into serious labor.