Dad chewed me out no end this morning when we talked about the car and money loan thing.

He's pissed about the previous time and said that if I hadn't "pissed away" my money, I'd have $6,000 towards a car right now.

Unfortunately, I didn't piss it away. I simply haven't had it. He said "With $45,000 a year between you, you should be able to save and get your own car." I told him the cost of living here is a lot higher than back in New Hampshire. Then I told him our rent and childcare costs; he couldn't believe it ($1700/month). He said I should try to get something cheaper. I told him there wasn't anything cheaper. He was flabbergasted. He couldn't believe that our costs for Russell when he's in school could be much. I told him it's $300/month. I told him that we're trying to get grants and loans to get Mike through the next year of school to pay for childcare and if we don't get those, Mike would have to quit school and go to work.

After I told him that, he said he wants to talk about it with Mom and that if he doesn't call me, I should call when I get home. In Dad lingo, that means,"I'm still pissed off at you, but I'm willing to forgive you and possibly give you money, but you damned well better pay it back."

I gave him the garage's number, too. I told him the litany of circumstances with regards to the car. He asked,"The car was giving you trouble when I was out there?" I said, "Yeah, generally. It didn't die again until a few weeks after you left. We actually thought we'd figured out the problem by replacing the alternater again."

Total sidebar:
One time, when I went home for Christmas, my dad said how my mom remembers all those things from my teenaged years and holds them against me. He tried to impress on me how he was different and tried to treat his kids like the adults they are. Today's bitchout fest reminded me that he's full of hooey.

I am so stressed out, I haven't even bothered to check my sugars. I'm sure they either too low or too high with the way I'm feeling. I've been ravenous all day and my milk production is down.

I think I'm going to swim until I pass out.