All I could think is HELP!

My 37th birthday is coming (September 11) and while that's not old to a lot of people, I remember being 7 and thinking my 22 year old uncle was older than dirt. All that crap about you're as old as you feel, isn't going to help either because that's something people say to old people to make them feel better, so just don't go there.

As I saw my white hair a bunch of stuff hit me at once.

• After about 5 years of not setting my parents, I saw my mom about 8 years ago. Her face stunned me; she was so old. Her nose looked cock-eyed on her face because she looked like she was in pain and winced. Ironically enough, (remember 'don't do that or your face will get stuck that way') her face appeared frozen like that. Mike said that with all her arthritis and the death of her parents, the pain theory made sense. He also suggested it was just her hair style, kind of an old lady with naturally curly hair, which lead to another thought.
• My mother had always been one of these people with dark dark brown hair. It looked black to me but she, like Mike, insists to this day that it was dark brown. I don't know what the problem with black is, but dude, like whatever. She showed up with blonde hair and I flipped out. My mother and I had made blonde jokes most of our lives and here she was, blonde as hell.
• Then I was thinking about my hair, which is still falling out in clumps. I keep finding all these long white hairs and I keep telling myself I need to dye it and get it over with, but then I can't decide if letting it go into brown and white is giving in to getting old or if dying it is my way of fighting getting old. Either way, it's an acknowledgement of getting older, which brought up something equally upsetting.
• When Mike's mom was here, we went out to lunch. She and Mike sat next to each other and we had the baby on a seat between she and I. She was holding the baby, when the waitress came out and asked her,"Is that your baby?" I felt remarkably old. She always giggles about the fact that she dyes her hair, but that time it was really kind of hard not to feel like I must look older than she does, especially because the waitress looked surprised when we corrected her. Mike says that it's because he, his mom and Genny all look so much alike. Man, is he kissing up!
• Okay, this one is kind of creepy. My dad is a retired captain for American Airlines and he flew all over, but every so often he'd fly somewhere closeby. One time, he was in Reno and I was living in Carson City and he called and I met him at his hotel room. He looked at me rather wistfully and said,"You look soo much like your mother." He missed mom and saw her in my face. I weirded out a little, but it was sweet, too.

Of all the things I want in my life, I hope that I've dealt with the trials and tribulations better than my mom did.