After I got Russell down to bed and hugged and kissed him while he giggled under his covers, I promptly fell into bed and stayed there, except for the expected pee trips. Mike was up programming, but obviously had been worried about me because in his sleep, each time I got up, he'd reach for me or ask me if I was ok.

When I asked him about this, he remembered none of it, of course, and I am seriously contemplating something like telling him while he sleeps that he loves to give me back massages at every opportunity and that he should do so each day, with the hope that I'll plant this subconscious desire in him to give me the shoulder rubs I cherish. I think if he ever develops any bad habits that I could break him of these habits by whispering stuff to him while he sleeps. Okay, not that I would, but it sounds so tempting, doesn't it?

I did get a message from the doctor's office that I'm a little anemic. Okay, what else is new? How could I possibly get through life, much less pregnancy without being anemic? I took my first iron pill last night with a chewable vitamin C and started farting til the walls shook in horror.

This morning they called to make sure I was taking my iron pills and I assured them I was, but then the really wonderful thing happened. I asked what my HbA1c is and it's 4.9% which falls into the very normal range of 4-6%. And that's after the evil week from hell the week after Christmas, where my insulin needs went completely insane and jumped madly.

What this means is I am having a healthy baby-- a normal baby. It means a very good chance of a natural delivery and labor process, which means I'm sobbing right now as I type this.

The doctor had told me that if this came out well, that I should not take it as free reign to stop what I'm doing. Well, duh. I need these guideposts though, these demonstrations that all this hard work is worth it to both of us -- not just the weight loss and Mike saying I have a heart-shaped butt -- but the scientific proof. I don't know why it means so much to me exactly, but it does and I'm so happy.

When I first got diagnosed with this disease, I thought it was a death sentence. When I first found out I was pregnant, I felt I couldn't celebrate because I had this disease and I didn't know how good or bad it was, but when the doctor said with an HBA1c of 6.2% that I could go ahead, we celebrated a little bit. When I got back an HbA1C of 5.4% after the crucial 5-10 week birth defect window, I felt like I could celebrate a little more. When I got back the amnio results, I felt I could celebrate more. When I had my ultrasound results and she appeared to have all her parts in the right dimensions and locations, I felt I could celebrate a little more. Now, that I have this test result, I feel like I can celebrate a little bit more. I don't think the full-blown celebration will come until she's in my arms. And I know I'll be sobbing tears of relief.

I never thought a pregnancy would be like this -- I always feel so frightened and I am constantly in a state of not being sure if I can celebrate it. But each guidepost that indicates normalcy is a source of celebration and deep intimate joy to me.

It means my girl is doing beautifully. It means I've a good chance of living to see her and her brother grow up. It means that I'm managing my diabetes and not that the diabetes is managing me. It means I'm giving myself my life back, one day and one meal at a time.