I think because we did so much to help Pauline on Saturday, Steve, Pauline's husband let us borrow the truck to get to work this morning. I got the car towed to the garage and I told the garage I need to have it fixed today. Period. I called them a little later this morning and they said that indeed, the new alternator was bad and that it would be fixed. They said, too that they'd tested the last one and it had worked in the shop. Just like MY car to wait to break until it was OUT of the shop. Murphy's law of car breakdowns....it will breakdown only after you have paid the mechanic $300 and are on your way to some place important. Murphy needs a good smack, I think.

The good news is that we should be able to return the battery and get the bulk of our moolah back on the damned thing. The bad news is that Karen and Dave will probably have to do it and I hate to ask them to do any more for us. They'll definitely be needing more food, I think.

On a totally unrelated topic...I was reading some stuff on Beth's site about parenting and if people like kids. I read some very bizarre journal entries by this one guy, that indicated, he doesn't keep good track of his kids and his discipline methods are pretty lacking. I started to write a response to it there, but decided against it. I didn't want to write something that this total stranger would see and would feel judged for. I had opinions, but I guess I figure if it's over here, he won't ever read it, so I won't hurt his feelings by saying my thoughts here.

My son, like Dave Vann's children, has severe speech delay as a result of severe hearing reduction due to frequent ear infections, in spite of a couple of ear tube surgeries, but yet he doesn't act like Dave's children. He's even close in age, but nowhere close in behavior.

My son's delays meant that he got really frustrated because no one could understand him and this kid is a talker. It meant that he did some really frustrating and aggravating things in his desire to communicate. I have rarely spanked him ever -- usually just a careful (gentle) swat on the butt to shake him out of his fit because nothing else has captured his attention. I almost always use time outs. I use them immediately. I've put him on time out in the frozen food aisle when he's been out of line. Timeouts should be immediate and there should be no relenting. If I wait to give him a timeout when we get home, the now and then stuff is just too confusing for a little kid and becomes ineffective.

About a month ago, I had been going through a tough time with my little guy because he had been really nervous about this baby in my belly. I had a friend point out that usually kids acting out is a way that they are trying to tell you something. Your job as the adult in the relationship is to identify what that something is and to help your child put words to it. He and I spent a lot of time talking about the baby and ways he could feel less nervous about her arrival, things we could do that would be more reassuring for him, and even something he could do that would welcome her to the family. Sometimes out of the clear blue, this 6 year old child has come to me and started telling me how he's nervous or scared or whatever. It's totally wonderful!

When my son was young, I stood there with him while he was on time out, when he didn't want to sit put. When he was done we talked briefly about why he had time out and he learned. Now, I sit him in a chair in a place where there isn't anything to fiddle with giving him one minute per year of age on a timer he can hear beep when his time is up.

After he's done with time out, the parent who put him on time out talks with him about why he was on time out and we let him answer. Then, we ask him to come up with alternative ways to behave in the situation and we try to find out what it was he was really trying to tell us that was underneath the behavior because invariably, there is a communication he wasn't getting out there.

A week ago, the reason for him having a big awful fit was because he didn't understand that we'll be going out to dinner meant that we'd leave in an hour and he'd have plenty of time to play Gameboy before we left. He was worried he wouldn't get to play Gameboy, but rather than expressing that, he stomped and fumed that he didn't want to go out to dinner. After giving him a time out, we asked him why he was so upset about going out to dinner and he tearfully told us how much he wanted to play Gameboy. He didn't realize that dinner and Gameboy weren't mutually exclusive. We asked him to give us a better way of expressing himself that didn't involve a fit or a timeout. He came up with at least one, and we suggested another.

We work to have our little guy go on time outs with the understanding that we know he wants to tell us something, but that he's communicating with us ineffectively by yelling or pouting or whining. A time out is a time where he can calm down and maybe sort things out better and then tell us what he was really trying for. It's a lot of work, but so worth it! My hope is when it gets to the tough stuff like drugs and sex in his later years, he'll still be talking to us.

I don't think childrearing is for everyone. There have been times in my parenting career where I wasn't sure it was for me, especially my third night in a row at 3AM with a sick feverish inconsolable infant. I think some folks enjoy kids and feel up to the challenge and some folks don't and think it's more than they can handle. Either way, I think those are responsible parenting choices. What saddens me are the people who have kids who never wanted them.

I count my blessings that while this child wasn't planned for this year, that she was planned and wished for and she's very wanted. A surprise usually means something wonderful you didn't expect. Both of my children have been surprises.

I also count my blessings that I have good friends who give good advice. It's helped me enormously to think about Russell's more frustrating moments as him just trying to talk to me. When I can think of him as trying to just talk to me, I can work at finding how to talk to him. I figure if we're both working that hard, that it's going to make all our lives so much simpler when I'm exhausted from caring for the baby to just talk to Bear and for him to just talk to me.

And miracles can happen...we found one of Bear's lost library books tonight. ;)