I read on my diabetes bulletin board that this other diabetic had a miscarriage. She'd been 12 weeks pregnant, but her ultrasound only showed 7 weeks of development. She'd been scheduled for a D&C, but miscarried over the weekend.

I cried. I know I'm pregnant and thus, likely to cry over most things, but I can relate to her experience so deeply, not because it's actually happened to me, but because it's what I spent the bulk of my pregnancy being afraid of.

When I was pregnant with my son, I could celebrate from the get-go. I had the luxury of choosing to have him or not. I had the luxury of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby to look forward to. This pregnancy has been a series of milestones that have seemed like this big giant checklist full of empty check boxes.

First, just knowing that my HBA1c (normal range for nondiabetics is 4-6%) was good enough to continue with the pregnancy at 6.2% -- check. Then, getting through the 5-10 week birth defect window with pretty reasonable sugars -- check. Then getting an HBA1c after 12 weeks that was 5.4% -- big check. Then the amnio that showed I had a healthy no birth defect baby, as well as the AFP test -- big check. And it wasn't until about 26 weeks when I got back an HBA1c of 4.9% and had my last ultrasound and the doctor found all her organs in all the right places that I finally felt I could breathe --checkerooni. Then I hit 34 weeks 2 weeks ago and I knew that infant morbidity decreases to less than 10% -- check. The doctor told me that I've got a medium-sized baby -- check. And in two weeks, I know I'm at full-term -- check.