I just bought shorts -- cheap little shorts that would get me through the summer and the 100 degree weather we're experiencing right now.

I am still a leaky boob owner though. The other night, I leaked in my sleep and stained the bed with this milk stain of a foot in diameter. I grabbed a towel from the bathroom, so no one would have to sleep on the wet spot, but I don't think I've ever had a wet spot that big or that high.

I don't mind the leaking though, because it means I'm getting sleep. She only seems to wake up at 1AM and about 430-6AM. It's just that when the span of time is from 1-6AM, my boobs get overloaded and the leakage continues.

The other day, I was cleaning out things a little bit better and trying to get stuff put away and I found some of my admission papers for the hospital -- 2 days worth. I started to cry. I don't know why precisely and just thinking about that starts it up again. I talked to Mike about it and I realize now, that I went through a lot. Everyone has said that to me, but somehow it hadn't sunk in yet.

I told Mike that I did this seminar thing once that had a zipline as part of it. The zipline was a cable at the top of a cliff that extended to the bottom of said cliff and you had a little handlebar on a wheel to hold onto to ride down the cable to the bottom of the cliff. A lot of people went down it with their legs kicking and they were screaming happily like people do when they ride a rollercoaster. I quietly hung on for dear life and when I got to the bottom of the cliff, I sobbed my guts out.

That's kind of what happened the other night. I realized I'd reached the bottom of the cliff and I was sobbing my guts out, hanging onto Mike, while I did it.

And I came to another realization. I don't think I could do this again. I spent the whole pregnancy hanging on quietly for dear life and then the labor and delivery was like that, too. Now, I have my dear life and I don't think I want to go through it again. I told Mike that if he really wanted another child, I'd do it, but that truthfully, I would rather not. He said he didn't think he could put me through that again.

I am so thankful for what I got out of it: this perfect sweet darling baby. I just don't think I've got the stamina to repeat it.

Yesterday, I did the scariest thing. I left the baby with her future daycare provider for the first time, so I could take Bear to a movie and have some alone time with him. I trust Sherry and I love her and I knew Genevieve would be fine, but it was very hard not to be a little panicky and freaked out as a function of the new mama syndrome.

I left her with some pumped breast milk and after the movie, came back to get her with full tanks, but what was awesome is what this sweetheart did. I offered her the breast and she didn't take it at first. She just looked at me adoringly for the longest time and then she just smiled the biggest smile at me. I got a big deep full hit of Baby Love. Mind you, babies are not patient when it comes to their chuckwagon...mostly they expect your boob whipped out NOW, dammit, NOW! She sat there for a full minute or two just looking at me with this look of abject adoration on her face and smiling. I just about fell apart in those deep brown eyes and toothless grin.

Oh, and the movie? Dinosaur was awesome. There were some scary parts where dinosaurs are killed, but generally it's a really good kids' movie. The story line was pretty predictable and the computer graphics were pretty good. The only place they should have been a little more careful on the graphics was on some of the fine detail stuff like the fur of the lemurs.

Oh, and I have to say that I have the best kids in the whole world. Thanks.