JQ:HRA VALENTINES
JQ:HRA VALENTINES
"The Error of Literacy" by Elaine MacMillian 14 February 1997 0800 Jessie Bannon glared at the blackboard in the kitchen. Usually used for shopping list reminders, this morning it held something quite different. In neat cursive handwriting, the board read: Jessie: Lilies are white Roses are pink Too bad you're not As cool as you think She picked up the chalk from its ledge. Glared some more. Then added a note of her own. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Hadji Singh gazed in bemusement at the blackboard in the kitchen. He read the first declaration. Written below it in block letters was: ROSES ARE RED BULLETS'RE FAST THIS VALENTINE'S DAY JUST MIGHT BE YOUR LAST He picked up the chalk from its ledge. Gazed some more. Then added a note of his own. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Doctor Benton Quest regarded the blackboard in the kitchen with resignation. He read the first two poems, then the third, written in flawless copperplate script: Voltaire was witty Rousseau was clever I think this quarrel Will go on forever. There was just enough room for a fourth note. He picked up the chalk from its ledge. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Race Bannon sighed. Looked at the blackboard. Skies are blue Snows are white Kindly refrain From pursuing this fight He picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Jonny Quest scowled as he read the newest addition to the board. Doctors holler Bodyguards shout "Wouldja pick up some milk If you kids go out?" He erased all but the last, and picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Jessie scowled. A wide arrow pointed to Race's addition from a new quatrain: Feet make a kick Hands make a fist Sorry-- this isn't The house shopping list She picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Mrs Evans sighed, looking at the board. Sometimes, working for the Quests was more aggravation than it was worth. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Doctor Quest looked at the board, reading aloud: "Crows have a murder, Lions, a pride. It's rather uncalled for, This being so snide." He picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV "Tempers are heightening, Tempers're frayed. These metres are ragged, These rhymes are cliched. Hey!" Race exclaimed, now truly irritated. He picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV "Will is a fella, Jane is a gal. Who do you think You're talking to, pal???" Hadji read the newest poem. He grinned wickedly. He picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Mrs Evans groaned aloud. Things were clearly coming to a head. *Why don't they just keep out of my kitchen??* VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Jonny gaped. "What the....? Oh, I am *so* not taking the blame for this," he muttered, as he read: Jazz is slammin Opera's boring Jonny's fab And Jessie's adoring. He picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Jessie considered the situation. The new addition had a chalk arrow pointing to the "Jazz is slammin" note. "A dog's a dog A goat's a goat That one's not mine That's not what I wrote." She picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Race grinned. He read: A dog's a pup A goat's a kid You didn't write it But I know who did. He picked up the chalk, and added: Patience busts Just like a bubble Looks to me like Someone's in trouble VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Doctor Quest regarded the blackboard, scowling. "Enough's enough." He picked up the chalk. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Just a note From me to thou: These poetical duels Are over, RIGHT NOW!!!! Jonny, Jessie, and Hadji looked at the board. "Okay, I'll write it," Jonny agreed, after a tense moment. He picked up the chalk and wrote: So we can keep living The contest is dead And I am finished Just like he said Jonny drew a large chalk arrow to Doctor Quest's last offering. "Jonny...." said a voice from behind them. The three turned to see both the doctor and Race standing behind them. "Ummmm..." The rather tense situation was interrupted by Mrs Evans. She stalked over. Looked at the board. Erased everything. She picked up the chalk. Wrote. And left. The doctor read aloud: "The sky is dark, The stars are bright. You lot can feed Yourselves, tonight." Silence. "Should we call the Mandarin House, or Wok This Way?" asked the doctor. "Oh, let's spring for pizza," Race suggested. "Well, after all, it is Valentine's Day." END
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