Oho, shocker, I know these people. Here's what they do, where they are and some facts
about they.
fun, cake 'n' custard,
babies
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foxcat just cruising for the good
life
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panx, fit women :-) (Who Dares..
WINS!)
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the-hunter, me and my fun outdoor
activities
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Klax, 40 6' 16st, shaggy,
uxorious Brit, poor & happy job underachiever fanatical liberal Christian
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Brew Not Try - home
page
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Ginger tart page
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Mossy Nessy, I'll be moving in soon!
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Princess Pigeon, landing soon!
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It's Booboo. Me & my part of the world.
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There is cake and custard to be had here and some abuse, also is the fun baby clare page to
see what groovey chick, clare, is up to, will it be bull whips at ten paces or biting the
postmans arse. Visit for fun. Now the dirt:
Vicky O
Wooden leg;
Glass eye;
Silencer attachment.
Stealing candy from businessmen;
Transmitting fake alien attack reports during summer;
anything by George Michael.
Invented the Washboy(TM) hand powered washing machine;
Always wipes her nose with a clean napkin.
Sold the plot of a secret undiscovered Bond script to the press who ruined it for
everyone;
Invents animal based stunts for the film industry but has worked previously as...
Lard inspector;
Landmine QA technician;
Project manager of the Sahara Dam project;
Food, has re-defined the aphrodisiac as a quickie that gets you in the mood for a very
passionate eating session that could well go on all night long;
Crumbs in the bed.
Yes I took my pill, treat me rough.
Lives in a house, in a very big house in the country. Has a baby named Venezuala Capricorn
and a husband named Bosworth. Does not own a lawnmower to my knowledge.
Tied to a ball and chain but apparantly is up for it with spanish students if money changes
hands.
Real name :
Trudi P
Has a large mole on her lawn;
Birthmark in the shape of adams apple.
Murdered 7 people under the assumed name of Prince Rogers Nelson, quietly served a thirty
year sentence in a juvenile detention centre and vowed never to return to her killing days; for
a while after her incarceration she was known as the serial killer formerly known as Prince
Dropped a clanger which turned out to be a benevolent misdemeanor.
Re-wrote the dictionary taking out the 'F' words, was badly received by the critics and sales
were very poor, after it's deletion it drew a cult following amongst confused teenagers and
was bootlegged by the underground press. An original copy is now worth in the region of
£400 at auction. A dramatisation of the book was performed at Staffordshire University in
Stoke-on-Trent where the cast were entirely nude, though the reviews were rave and the
words 'tour-de-force' were used, there was public outcry which lead to the expulsion of
students and staff. Sadly the dictionary is blamed for much juvenile misanthropy including
car-jacking, drug addiction, beefburgers, and vampiracy.
Currently works as the stand-in Shake'n'Vac (TM) woman but previously has worked
as...
A windscreen kisser for Bentley;
A beefeater for the mince foundation;
Yak driver;
Singer in the elevator of the Lloyds building.
Star Trek;
Cats;
David Ducoffiny / Fox Mouldings;
All things pierot;
and peach halves.
It's just temporary;
The one on the right;
Now!
Has had 75 husbands, most of them school boys during her prison days, is believed to have
had in excess of 900 children which doctors claim is a physical impossibility. Most of her
children have been auctioned off to benefit 'good causes'. Has a pleasant cottage in the
cotswolds which is currently being converted for tropical fish.
According to local staff gasbags, she will go wild for a bag of sweets but not dolly mixtures
Real name :
Pankaj P
Chiselled good-looks and a large spoiler.
Forgery of Hitlers passport in 1973 for which the conviction was quoshed in 1974
Invented the cricket bat but was conned by an evil English collonist into selling the idea for a
dried goat scrotum pendant and a large bag of black eyes;
Saved Apollo 13 with the Blue Peter save the astronauts phone-in, for which he received an
enamel badge ( maybe we can put a price on human lives)
Is suspected to have invented the 'fart-box' motor cylce which inevitably lead to the invention
of road-rage;
Sells high-tariff mobile phones to the homeless.
Works as a 'laugher' on kinky chat lines but has previously worked as...
Assistant to 'God's Dwarf' with his outdoor lectures;
Professional spitter for British Rail.
Slagging;
Womanising;
Bird watching (but only the four legged variety);
Shabba Ranks.
It's all sorted;
Yes;
No;
Maybe.
Lives with his loving parents and his blundering vaudevillian brother Toni Marcioni. His
curtains don't hang straight but he is very proud of his natural waste heating system.
Has large back seat and ample stereo equipment. Prefers his woman to be underage, top
heavy and not too many feathers. If he says he's with the Woolwich, you have a foot in the
door.
Real name :
Olly H
Has a spider man costume sewn on to his flesh (childhood prank).
Was implicated in the owl murder incident at Westminster Abbey, Christmas 1993. Was
released 'because it was christmas', a proper inquest was never taken up.
A bigamist, was married to three women on the same day, a crime of which he has never
been charged.
Also of note, he was black-balled from the camera club for exposure.
Discovered rare rock-eggs in the Himalayas, which later turned out to be just rocks, however
the confusion did stir up a lot of environmentalist activity which had some good results.
Was destructive as a child and is believed to be responsible for the fall of the Berlin wall
which is now known to cause cancer.
Now works as the ideas man for the Grateful dead but previously worked as...
Jamiroquai;
The voice over for the boy off of the 'Charlie says' government advert;
Ghost Writer for Iain Paisley;
Climbing;
Falling;
Multiple fractures;
Helicopter rescue;
Hospitals;
Rehabilitation;
Climbing.
By the statue in five minutes;
Just for a couple of days;
I'm only going to Winchester and she's my sister.
Lives with Kashka from Bagdad. Enjoys to smoke a pipe with marijuana. Self confessed
bigamist to three wives (one of each kind).
Has three wives but may be on tune for another. Probably a bald headed feminist would
have the best chance, but then a bald headed feminist probably wouldn't be interested.
Now the dirt:
Marty C
Tattoo on left face sponsored by Ribena;
Elvis presley's white jump-suit with all the tassley bits;
A famous Thomas Dolby look-alike.
Bought China in the thirties and subjected the poor to poverty and taught bourgoise excess in
private schools until the deeds turned out to be a cheap cockney fake, was not convicted
after an impressive defense case convinced the aged jurors that he believed the salesman to
be genuine;
Called Mrs Thatcher an arse to her face, no charges were brought against him but he
commented that he didn't mean what he said but wanted to see what she would do;
Fought on the wrong side during the Faulklands conflict due to a uniform mix up when
argentina and Great Britain were using the same laudrette.
Discovered Magnus Pike, a confused old bum living in the tunnel at charing cross. Magnus
has since invented no less than 43 cures for cancer, a flavourless beef burger, and a manner
of bowing which does not put strain on the back;
Invented the wings on Always Ultra which actually do fly, apparantly he got the idea from a
telephone conversation with someone who had dialled a wrong number. The wings are now
installed on most light aircraft as a cheap and painless snack.
Swore loudly during both royal weddings and before such a time as his wife had obtained a
video cassette tape magnetic recording player cassette device box;
Musical bus conductor, but has worked previously as...
James Browns right Purple flare in the John Waters B-movie 'My Gord, Ah dreamt ah was a
giant size James Brown";
Represented Oliver North in the Zola Budgate scandal;
Harmonica cleaner for Robert Allen Zimmerman.
Ice hockey (not the feathered kind);
Barbershop music;
Queen slagging club;
Welsh poetry.
You never brought my starter
Is married to the curvaceous Miriam Stoppard but is known to swap her with Tom for Felicity
Kendal at the weekends 'I am fond of a little mint cake' he comments. He has four grown up
sons one in the Army, one in the Navy, one in the Air Force and the other is Hurcules Onasis
greek heroine addict.
Will eat anything as long as it's covered with food. Loves his wife very much and will not
cheat on her with anyone except Felicity Kendal (well maybe perhaps Lisa Goddard).
Now the dirt:
Terry B
Left hand down;
Helicopter landing pad on his ruck-sack;
Green sleeves.
Swindled top baker, Sweeney Todd, out of seven tonnes of bleached flour which he sold to
Leon Brawski for use on the set of "A snowmans christmas in Bolivia" the smash failure epic
featureless film sponsored by the Church of the Lost Egg. Sweeney, who's real name was
Markus Garby, was later lynched for mass murder and died unaware of the swindle. However
Noah of noah's ark fame once said "It takes a morally rotten man to do over a morally rotten
man". I think that's self explainatory;
Invented the Roy Castle joke which was outlawed by the Queen shortly before her suicide bid
in 1999;
Was jailed by the Dallas police force for being a "Pack-ee-stain-ee-on" under the racial
discrimination act after becoming sun tanned as a result of a candy floss machine accident.
Needless to say, he was released as soon as the tan wore off.
Invented salad, salad is a sort of vegetable dish which is largely ignored;
Convinced Charlie out of Charlies Angels to remain faceless which undoubtably evaded the
likely hood of mass hesteria.
Was caught in Gods throat during his production, though he managed to wriggle out, God
was dead before he hit the ground which lead to the darkness, the evil and the pestilence of
the world around us, decaying in the smouldering evil of unchecked chaos, a frightening
reminder of the savagery of hopeless life;
Now works as a chicken excerciser but has worked previously as...
Balloon blower-upper for Richard Branston-Pickle;
Professional spitter for Madonna;
Plastic surgeon to Charlie out of Charlies Angels.
Likes lamb cutlets, and has set up a lamb cutlet club in his neighbourhood;
Kiddy snatching, grabs kiddies from street corners and puts a sack over their heads then
drives around town cussing loudly before dropping the child off where they were found in a
confused and frightened state where upon they usually get a beating from their fathers for
wandering off;
Does an act called Facelift the human clown;
Clot shucking (is currently the county champion).
There is literally no difference except the obvious which we won't go in to, are you taping
this?
Is the anonymous owner of the Taj Mahal. Has twelve kids, one for each of the disciple's
hen's egg's per day per month per year. Married to Henrietta Garibaldi (who is a top swedish
model not a man eating a biscuit or a man-eating biscuit).
Named by "spot the ball" as the quarter of a millionth richess man in Nebraska from whence
he moved after developing neighbour cancer on the right side (as you are facing up the
drive). Has stated a preference for blonde eskimo women or anything in a circus. Pays his
wife and family by the hour to avoid ending up on the Jerry Springer show.
Now the dirt:
Ashley H
Bracelet made from the bones of the grateful dead which shrank and wont come off
Has never been convicted of arsery - the old fashioned crime of asking shopkeeper how much something
is until they don't notice what you are stealing anymore;
Was linked by hard evidence to the guernsey pub bombings of 95, his finger prints were found on over four hundred peanuts, however
English law decrees that five hundred peanuts is the minimum to substantiate law suit;
Was jailed by the Dallas police force for being a "Pack-ee-stain-ee-on" under the racial
discrimination act after becoming sun tanned as a result of a candy floss machine accident.
Needless to say, he was released as soon as the tan wore off.
Invented salad, salad is a sort of vegetable dish which is largely ignored;
Convinced Charlie out of Charlies Angels to remain faceless which undoubtably evaded the
likely hood of mass hesteria.
Was caught in Gods throat during his production, though he managed to wriggle out, God
was dead before he hit the ground which lead to the darkness, the evil and the pestilence of
the world around us, decaying in the smouldering evil of unchecked chaos, a frightening
reminder of the savagery of hopeless life;
Now works as a chicken excerciser but has worked previously as...
Balloon blower-upper for Richard Branston-Pickle;
Professional spitter for Madonna;
Plastic surgeon to Charlie out of Charlies Angels.
Likes lamb cutlets, and has set up a lamb cutlet club in his neighbourhood;
Kiddy snatching, grabs kiddies from street corners and puts a sack over their heads then
drives around town cussing loudly before dropping the child off where they were found in a
confused and frightened state where upon they usually get a beating from their fathers for
wandering off;
Does an act called Facelift the human clown;
Clot shucking (is currently the county champion).
There is literally no difference except the obvious which we won't go in to, are you taping
this?
Is the anonymous owner of the Taj Mahal. Has twelve kids, one for each of the disciple's
hen's egg's per day per month per year. Married to Henrietta Garibaldi (who is a top swedish
model not a man eating a biscuit or a man-eating biscuit).
Named by "spot the ball" as the quarter of a millionth richess man in Nebraska from whence
he moved after developing neighbour cancer on the right side (as you are facing up the
drive). Has stated a preference for blonde eskimo women or anything in a circus. Pays his
wife and family by the hour to avoid ending up on the Jerry Springer show.
Unintelligable gossip with the curvey star of "M'lady's gort naw cloves awn". Now the dirt:
Jewely elle
Left leg in, left leg out, etcetera;
Reactalite rapide breasts;
high heeled feet
Taking and giving back again;
Conducting illegal experiments with Indiarubber;
murdering the three degrees.
Anonymously fed five thousand starvin jews with wet bread while singing the theme from 'The old man and the sea' thusby saving mankind from his own crudity (or something or other);
Invented the rice puddingless skin now used in modern surgery to rebuild the faces of skateboard accident victims.
Ate all the pies;
Spilled salt in the dead sea causing all the crabs to float so you can't tell when they're cooked, resulting in the breakdown of Keith Chegwin and Maggie Philbin's marriage (it's a long story).
An inspector for FACT the Federation Against Chin Trading but has worked previously as...
Melanie Melons - the first cross dressing man on television (before being discovered as a fraud by a leading gynacologist);
Canteen editor for The Face magazine;
Backing singer for Hell Toupee (a Mel Torme cover band);
Enjoys being sixteen, has collected much sixteen year old memorabilia and has a lifetime subscription to the sixteens club which entitles her to an illegal birth certificate once a year making her sixteen forever and it's legally binding and everything;
Baked Alaskans
Indifference is not an option, only outspoken insistence that drug addiction will not be tolerated;
I could never love a man with an odd number of legs.
Has an illegitamate son named Santa Pod who was raised by puffins and is now a government official in the free state of Birdland. Is married to Jake 'off' De Peg but has had many, many affairs with such illustrious figures as Lord Such (screaming), Jane Torville (out of torville and dean), Ming the Merciless and Mr Kipling (of exceedingly good cake fame). She is noted for being the first woman to buy Clive Sinclairs revolutionary fold up house which she lives in to this day.
Is up for it any hour of the day as long as you're not painfully unattractive, she shows her willingness to mate by smiling and spreading her tail feathers.
Discussions on the work of Dostoyevski and Leo Tolstoi, and nothing much else. Now the dirt:
Me shell my belle Mac Donalds
a bit of the wire from her arms is poking through the underarm but it's mostly unnoticeable;
Homely oder of cinnammon and gin;
carries a large one
Aiding and abetting the transmission of the Krypton Factor;
Banjo classics.
Discovered the secret recipe for KFC while panning for gold in missouri;
Used to leave bread out for the bird that Noah enlisted to go and fetch a bit of stick.
Ghost wrote The Last of the Summer Wine.
Avon lady but has worked previously as...
Prime Minister of Jordan;
Sue Pollard;
Chief wine taster on the Manhattan Project;
Spending money on plastic;
Dual levels of meaning.
Mine, mine, mine!
Has four children whom she locks in the basement and experiments on with her half-uncle Thomas Jefferson. Is not married but owns several slaves to furnish her needs. Last known address was Pippa's caravan park in summer bay.
A sucker for a feller in a cowboy hat or anything pierot. Has a bad alergy to expensive gifts and toblerone.
Has an A-Z on her anatomy and some street maps of London. Now the dirt:
Jill Stonehenge-plain
Fairy cakes;
Colour vision.
Implicated in the great train mockery before the war but was extricated with dynamite.
Wear's great huge spectacles that will one day avert the big comet and save us all;
Won the car on 3-2-1.
Sold Selina Scott to the Russians during the cold war thus causing global warming;
Indirectly caused the printing mix up at the postcard plant that ultimately ended in the renaming of constantinopal (istanbul)
Meat bludgeoner but has worked previously as...
Fenster the shifty geezer;
Prompt to Louis Faraquan;
Crumbly design executive;
Drover placation;
Cross dressing dog shows.
Monmouth is the most southerly point in America and if you don't believe me you can check it in the encyclopedia.
Joint owner of Alcatraz which was partially destroyed in a recent film, luckily the birdman population was heavily cut down in the 'disaster'. She hopes to turn it into a classy mall and is negotiation with the CEO of Holiday Inns who also doubles as her estranged husband and kindergarten sweetheart Claude Claude Claudicus-Claude 3rd earl of Claudeville. Has no children aside from four orphans who don't count, Their names are One (aged 7), Two (aged 5) and the three year old twins (named Three A, and Three B respectively).
Won the Gold Digger prize for exploitation in 1969, but apparantly is now a desperate spinster and throws money on anyone willing to surprise her from behind (Source: Ealing Comedy Review).
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