Eastenders
Joe is the mental space-boy son of David "anyone can fall in love" wixxy-wix. Just now he has completey derailed him self and got picked up by the fus for walking down the central reservation of the M11. Who is the central reservation reserved for anyways? Mummy Lorraine is the neurotic cow now that Pauline has gone (has pauline gone or am I making it up?) and she is unable to stop the pigs from banging joe up for equitty card forgery. The mitchells have brought the yobbo back into fashion this season. Phil has become super wino of the world and hides vodka under the dishwasher (my dishwasher is made of sponge and these bastards are supposed to be poor) I secretly wish he would get violent with Kathy - I'm not saying I advocate domestic violence but it ain't real is it, go on Phil knock 'er about a bit. Grant is like the nutter that ever school has and would set himself on fire for a laugh, I only wish he would. Some dick heads have smashed up the pub so Grant gives it the old "I'll make 'em sorry they were ever born", yeah right grant your so tough, let's see how tough you are will a twelve gauge stuffed in your mouth. Actually Grant is settled down family man now, having got Tiffany in the club, I reckon it's Mark Fowlers baby, they've gotta do something with him, I mean he was Tucker Jenkins, and now he's grown up to be the most boring character ever dreamed up. Barbara windsor was quite annoying in the carry on films, but now she really shows us the meaning of pain. I reckon she's got hitched up with a proper cockney boxing promoter which is why the pub got done over. If this was LA all the characters would be dead by now and we could watch tomorrows world or something. But it's not and they're not. Bah.
Brookside
Rons buggering off with Jimmy's wife. Bit of a shame because ron's a complete scouse git. I like Jimmy but they've decided to turn him into a evil character, bastards - just like sinbad. His son is the "teevin' toerag" ie a petty criminal, and has a rather nasty smack habit, I reckon they just wanna take him out and get him thoroughly pissed up never mind the cold turkey. The simpsons Lisa and Bart have been shagging for several years despite being brother and sister, their mum and dad (Homer and Marge) are a little bit fed up about this but they don't seem to be about anymore. Mind you if my sister looked like Lisa simpson (no, no stop it!) Anyway they've been arrested for it but I ain't sure how this'll work out because all you need to do is say 'shag me own sister? you must be crazy mr copper' who's gonna prove it, tell me just who. That's all that's happening, not much is it.
Who's who, why, where and who gives a monkeys anyway?:
SoHo/4600The award winning PLANET MAGAZINE and
that
Go on then, load it up but only ten minutes and don't forget your lethal injections. You can do
these amusing things and the pretty pictures are pretty enough, I have a bad pain in my side
but it's nothing to do with laughing but more like twenty-a-day. It's better than a lot of the tosh
you get though, give mr mccann the patronage even if it's just because his name is almost
mecanno (you remember them bits of metal and screws like macho man lego or something.
Sorry I'm wittering ain't I. This Planet thing is alright, it's all well written stories, which some
people find good, no really it's popular, I can't be arsed with it myself, I like the classics, still I
recognise it's pop appeal and don't detest it like the spice girls. Go and have a look, it's only
fair.
SoHo/4605Come in and get lost
I think I missed the point, I went in and came right back out the other side, I guess it's just far
too easy to get a homepage these days, maybe there should be some sort of test, perhaps if
we all crap in a jar and some bleary-eyed weirdo's will pick who may and who may not. Don't
go here and give this loser the satisfaction of increasing his web counter. Mind you I call him
a loser but I'm the one talking to a machine. Who is the hunter and who is the hunted.
Next!
SoHo/4606baach
It sounds like Bach. What, it is a green screen with french stuff on it that say you are at my
homepage, or some shit. Leave it at home Mr Baach, what would your mother say?
SoHo/4607Profound? or sleepless revelations
Don't ask me, you're the one with the problem, firstly this page has this nice sort of wibbley
background which reminds me of how I painted the walls in the spareroom, only I used green
and yellow, and don't try it because it took ages. There are three links and a quote from some
film or other, is it worth your time, ask yourself do I feel lucky punk - don't tell me, I already
know the answer.
SoHo/4608TCW Doggy's kennel
This page has this little owl that actually blinks it's eyes over and over again, I almost wept
for joy, and watched it for about 2 hours, but I don't see why anyone should idolise me for
that. I don't know what the page is all about, it has this great big picture at the bottom which
will not load ever and it's got something to do with the telly I think - but go there and spend
some time with that cute little owl, I love 'im.
SoHo/4609Tarhardt, Music and fun
This is what you might come to expect, hello I'm making something of my life, and this is
what I'm making. Tracy tells us what she likes and stuff, but does she tell us all them
embarrassing things, no she doesn't, does she tell us about her dad's wife swapping
pervertion, no, does she tell us about how she was born with three thumbs which is why she
is so good at playing guitar, not a chance, and how about that regretful incident at that picnic
when she was thirteen?, no no no. It's neat, it's polite but who cares? I'd rather read a
medicine label.
SoHo/4610ars poetica
Welcome to poetic clap-trap. If you are a pretenscious git who likes the muses and all that
come along to this page and go 'oh, nothing more, nothing more but your sweet words..' and
other such waify crap. I wrote a poem called the goldfish, it goes 'Om, Om, Om.....
Dead'.
SoHo/4611Computer art and graphics
If you want to see some pictures of dragons and here some kid prattling on about nothing
then come and join the fun, just don't forget there's an off switch somewhere and I'm sure
your family miss you very much. What am I doing here, I really wish I knew.
SoHo/4612Art is life
Art is life but this homepage is cancer. I swear blind, one more and I'm gonna quit I'm telling
you.
SoHo/4613Geoff's buddy and the best homepage in the
world
I like this one. There is nothing on the page at all except blue writing on a red background, try
it and see what it does for asprin sales. I cracked up at the guestbook, there's this one
message from someone who doesn't like Chelsea (at first I thought it meant the football club
but then I wonder if perhaps Chelsea is Geoffs buddy? Maybe we should be told) they say
grow some tit's chelsea and burn jesus and stuff, which always makes me smile, Poor old
chelsea though, I think it deserves an ahhhh. Anyway more clap trap which leaves you
reaching for the broom, I'm giving up because it's a waste of my time.
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