"LEXI GIVE ME BACK MY BOXERS"
"I don't know, _Luke_ , .. what do you think India?" With an innocent look on her face Lexi twirled the garment in question around her finger.
"been there, seen it - Not worth it." India replied with a bored drawl.
"HEY!" (from behind the couch)
With a sigh and a shrug Lexi sent the offending boxers flying back behind the couch. If only it had been Cannonball ... hmmmm - she wondered if she could convince him to play cards with her.
(Time Passes)
"I'm bored"
"Shut up 'n Go fish."
Lexi tossed her cards down,
"I mean it -this sucks. This is a mansion - Hey I know -let's go hang out in that holodeck thingy."
"Danger Room?" Moe corrected.
Daemon looked up "Hey -isn't this the point where one of us says "But Scott told us not to move?"
Everyone looked at Moe who just rolled her eyes,
"Yeah .. whatever ...let's GO!"
******************************************************************
As chaotic as usual the six sort of tumbled into the control room.
"Geez - It took you long enough to break that code Jonathan - You suck."
"Shut up."
"Whoa - look at this whacked keyboard. It's not in English., Lindesy -LINDSEY! Snap out of it and help me figure this out."
With a sigh Lindsey reached over Daemon's shoulder and hit the big key that someone had painted green , and scrawled HELP beside.
With a whirl the computer came alive. "Hello Bobby, "
"Whoa - Hal." Daemon's glasses slipped down his nose in astonishment.
"You are not Bobby - Is someone else having difficulties?"
"Yeah - Us. We want to program a..."
Jonathan pushed Daemon aside, " STAR WARS "
India gave Jonathan a sideways glance - this obsession of his was a bit alarming. Why had it never come out before?
"Working..." the computer trundled away for a few minutes, spinned its hard drive a little to sound impressive and busy before finally stopping "Program complete... program will commence upon entering the Danger room".
{Cool} Lindsey's comment was unheard by his teammates who were already in the room. Five seconds later he had joined them.
**********************************************************************
"Whoa man, this sucks - all they gave us were light sabers! What about the Millennium Falcon, Deathstar 1 and 2, Princess Leia!" Jonathan whined.
India gave him another look. So his ideal woman was Princess Leia, this could explain his fondness for ciniman buns.
Lexi gave Jonathan a look of exasperation and then started talking slowly, as if to a small child "It's like the holodeck -- you have to _tell_ it exactly what you want" To demonstrate this she then proceeded over to the nearest computer terminal and with a very bad French accent:
"Tea, Earl Grey, Hot".
The computer spun its disks a bit while trying to assimilate the information. It wasn't helping so it tried it again.
"Unable to comply - please specify nature of request."
"That's not what you are supposed to say - give me the stupid cup of tea!" Lexi kicked it.
The computer was getting a little pissed. Now, one might think this is hard for a computer to do, but remember alien technology is at work here, and then again, you've never met Lexi either.
"Fine!" It replied crossly "But you will have to suffer the consequences. BWHAHAHA".
They all stared silently at the maniacally laughing computer terminal.
"Dude, I don't like the sound of that" Daemon's dreads whipped back and forth to emphasize his point as he discretely stepped back. "Man Lexi what did you do?"
There was another moment of utter silence and then the lights dimmed as the computer spoke again.
"Warning CPU has reached 99% saturation. Shutting down all unnecessary processes to deal with request. Shutting down security... NOW. Shutting down locking systems... NOW. Shutting down coffee maker...NOW. Shutting down Blackbird power grid...NOW. Communications being taken off line...NOW."
***************************************************************
Somewhere... A light began to flash on the computer screen. When the man did not acknowledge it within a minute, a warning siren began to blare. Magneto stared at the screen in utter disbelief.
"Could it be...could it be today? I finally get my revenge! The X-Men have turned off all their security!!! I can attack at my leisure!"
With excitement adding bounce to his every step Magneto donned his costume and leapt for the door!
"No time to call for backup! Who knows how long I'll have this chance! MAWHAHAHAHA"
*****************************************************************
"Way to go Lexi, you just broke it! Scott is going to KILL us!"
"Did not!" Lexi backed away from Jonathan and Moe who advanced murderously upon her. She started speaking rapidly, "You heard it say it was dealing with the request - see all it needs is a little time and then everything will be fine." Finally she saw her chance to lay the blame at someone else's feet "'Sides I wasn't the dork who asked for Star Wars. That's what started this whole thing!"
"What?" was Jonathan's rather strangled reply.
"You know, she does have a point. I mean it never did this for the X-Men and ..."Daemon broke off as he saw the looks Jonathan was giving him.
Lexi mistook this as another chance to clear her name.
"Yeah Daemon, that's a good point. I think you're being a little techy J..."
"A little what?" Jonathan was quite prepared to step over to the little runt and strangle her but unfortunately India and Moe restrained him.
"Let's just think of how to fix it before someone comes home" Moe kept one restraining hand on Jonathan's right arm.
{Or how to cover it up} Lindsey added hopefully.
"Warning.... main power grid deactivating in ten minutes.......9 minutes 59 seconds..... 9 minutes 58 seconds...."
With an eyeroll Moe acknowledge the superiority of Lindsey's plan.
********************************************************************
Magneto wandered the halls of the X-Mansion, his enthusiasm and excitement dwindling with each step. The place was a ghost town. Where were the X-Men? It was just like them, he figured, go and get a guy all excited by leaving the doors open and then crush his dreams by not showing up for the fun.
His musings brought him close to the Danger Room and the sounds of pounding which emanated from it.
Magneto perked up again. Here was his chance. He straightened his helmet a little, made sure his cape was flowing properly and not caught under his boots like last time, and threw out his chest. He raised his hand and blasted the doors open.
*********************************************************************
"What the fuck was that?" simultaneously the six all turned and faced the door.
In shock Jonathan dropped Lexi who ducked away, taking advantage of the situation.
***********************************************************************
Ahh... Magneto surveyed the young fresh faces in front of him. The new generation of X-Men, yes these must be Emma and Banshee's students. He had heard such promising things about them and now here they were, his for the taking! Now he just had to convince them of the error of Charles' way and guide them towards the true path.
"Greetings my gifted friends. I am here to guide you to the true side and see the errors of your current path. Join me and you will and together we will rule the world!"
************************************************************************
They all visibly relaxed at this. The flowing robes, the helmet, the deep voice... it must just be this dimension's version of Darth Vader. Jonathan looked Magneto up and down, "hmmm... Someone should have told Lucas to go with the Black. That purple just ain't working the same." But oh well", he reasoned , It's still Darth Vader - he giggled and hugged himself - his childhood fantasies were coming true!!!!
"See, I told you Jonathan - it's working again, all it needed is a little time!" Lexi peered around Magneto "Does anyone see Han Solo?"
**************************************************************************
Magneto's words were not quite having the effect he hoped. Jonathan was the name of one of Banshee's students but who was this Darth Vader? He tried again.
"You must forget this foolish dream. Our two sides can never live in harmony".
*************************************************************************
"Well the dialogue needs a little work but what the hell", Daemon reached towards one of the light sabers only to be pushed away by Jonathan.
"NOOO!!! I am Luke!! I will face him!"
"Okay dude, whatever you say" Daemon backed away, hands open wide in what he hoped was a reassuring stance. Jonathan's eyes were a little too wild for comfort.
**************************************************************************
"You must see reason and join me in my quest to rule the world".
**************************************************************************
"NEVERRRR!!" Jonathan screamed, as his light saber powered up with a hum. He swung it around his head a few times before settling down into an appropriate Luke-like stance. "I will never join you FATHER!"
**************************************************************************
Magneto stopped his impromptu speech in astonishment.
"What ? Father?.... Quicksilver?....is that you?" Magneto wondered what kind of bizarre Marvel-esque plot twist had resulted in this person calling him father.
"Yes, it is I father, " Jonathan paused - well he couldn't expect it to be exactly the same - "I -- Luke, Luke Quicksilver." He mentally shrugged, well the name wasn't so catchy but it still got the point across. He feinted a bit, trying to get a response out of Vader.
"Dude, he's just standing there. Isn't he suppose to pull out his light saber or something?" Daemon was getting really puzzled. Okay, so it is an alternative dimension with an alternative Star Wars but this was just dumb. Lucas must have had the world's worst movie on his hands here. Darth Vader was just STANDING there.
"Don't be silly Daemon, why else do you think the computer put two light sabers in the room. Here ya go Vader" Lexi neatly tossed the extra saber towards the highly confused Magneto. He caught it without thinking, prompting Jonathan/Luke Quicksilver to attack.
****************************************************************************
Meanwhile... on board the Blackbird as it returns posthaste.
"I can't believe you forgot your costume Logan!" Scott snarled at Wolverine "It's those damn kids, they're rubbing off on all of us!!!!"
"Calm down bub or I'll..." Wolverine braced himself as the Blackbird landed non too gently. Strangely enough all the lights in the mansion appeared to be out. "Don't worry, I'll just run in and pick it up and we'll be on our way". With a little wave to Scott, he leapt out of the plane. Man, he just loved to wind that guy up.
Logan paused at the bottom on the ramp. "Sniff Sniff.. we've got visitors. Magneto's here"
Meanwhile, Scott and the others had already come to the conclusion that something was wrong. All attempts to access mansion communications and security had failed. Scott was slowly turning purple when Logan bounded up the ramp back into the plane.
"There's trouble.", he announced, "Magneto."
"Of course there's trouble" Scott said rather hysterically "I told you those six were devil children! They've probably sacrificed the professor to god knows what!"
"Don't be such a baby sugah! 'Sides there's the professor now." Rogue pointed outside the plane to the professor's chair which was rolling up the path.
Jean went pale, "My god....Magneto...the kids....alone..."
Scott jumped up "No time to waste People " He effortlessly took control of the situation "We must save Magneto!"
********************************************************************************
Back in the Danger Room.
Magneto eyed the young man dancing wildly around him with curiosity. These kids were just getting stranger and stranger. If this was the next generation of X-Men ... well Xavier was welcome to them.
One of Jonathan's strokes came too close, scorching one of his purple robes. This was the last straw. Dry cleaning costs were a bitch these days.
Magneto powered up.
"Join me " he threatened " or suffer the consequences ... BWHAHAHAHA"
Jonathan deactivated his light saber in disgust. This doofus was ruining everything. He couldn't even get the dialogue right. AND that laugh? It was just annoying. Darth Vader never laughed like that in the movie.
"Fine. "
Magneto powered down. "What ? You'll join?"
"Lexi turn it off - it sucks"
"No fair! " She protested "What about my Han Solo?"
"Think about it -- in this version he's probably just some dumb overweight plumber." Jonathan gave Vader a pointed look. " I can't believe how they ruined it."
"SILENCE" Magneto commanded. Just then the X-men appeared from behind.
"Forget it Magneto" Charles lead them in "There's no way you can defeat all of us."
With a snarl, Magneto whirled around. So that had been their devious plan - to stall him until the X-men returned!
"There'll be another day , Charles" he warned "My dream is the true one."
Xavier just stared him down.
"Leave Magneto."
With a bow of respect to his old friend, Magneto levitated into the sky, ripping a hole through the metallic roof of the mansion.
"I will not forget this " he cried " I will return!"
And with that he disappeared into the sky.
{Man } Lindsey stared after the vanishing Darth Vader - { Someone should really talk to George before he makes the next three - he needs to hire a new writer}
Silence settled down on the group as they absorbed the state of the danger room, and not to mention the entire mansion.
With great self control Scott finally spoke up. "I told you not to move . You moved." And then "What the hell happened here?"
"Nothing" Lexi gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
"Warning...Power grid turning off in 30 seconds." The computer replied happily. Lexi glared at it - did it have to sound so cheerful?
{It was all Vader's fault} Lindsey tried to help.
"Really?" Jean arched an eyebrow at them.
"Processing request complete, CPU usage being returned to normal parameters. Primary Processes coming back on line."
There was a hum as everything started powering up again. With a grin of relief and not some self-satisfaction at being right. Lexi turned to face Jonathan - " there you see? I was right! All it needed was some time!"
"So " Scott stared incredulously at her "So you did do this - didn't you?"
"I don't believe in naming names. Tea anyone?"