Things Men Wished
Women Knew...
Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because
'it was on sale.'
If we're in the backyard and the TV
in the den is on, that
doesn't mean we're not watching it.
Don't tell anyone we can't afford a
new car. Tell them we don't
want one.
Whenever possible, please try to say
whatever you have to say
during commercials.
Only wearing your new lingerie once
does not send the message
that you need more. It tells us lingerie
is a bad investment.
Please don't drive when you're not driving.
Don't feel compelled to tell us how
all the people in your little
stories are related to one another:
We're just nodding, waiting
for the punchline.
If you want us to take out the garbage,
you have to let us pack
the car.
The quarterback who just got pummelled
isn't trying to be brave,
he's just not crying. Big difference.
When the waiter asks if everything's
okay, a simple 'Yes' will
do.
What do you mean, 'leering?' She's obstructing
my view.
When I'm turning the wheel and the car
is nosing onto the
off-ramp, saying 'This is our exit'
is not strictly necessary.
When you're not around, I belch so loudly
that I even appall
myself.
The temperature in the cave will be my
responsibility. It will be
slightly to moderately cooler than you
want it.
SportsCenter starts at 11:00 P.M. and
runs one hour. This is an
excellent time for you to pay bills,
put laundry in the dryer, or
talk to your sister.
Is it too much to ask to have the bra
match the underwear?
If we see you in the morning and at
night, why call us at work?
Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball
game do, in fact,
constitute going out to dinner.
You probably don't want to know what
we're thinking about.
Silence does not need to be filled.
It's in neither your interest nor ours
to take the quiz together.
No, you can't have the remote control.
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HURSDAY, 15 APRIL, 1999.
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COLIN DEDRICKS
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