List of

List of "Life's Ambitions" I've Had:

(many years ago) (most of which I've since abandoned)

To be a secretary so I could wear 'important shoes' that clicked on hallway floors.
To invent a new kind of iced tea using only leaves and hosewater.
To own exactly one square inch of land.
To smuggle something out of the country by train.
To get lost in the woods so I'd have to survive in the wilderness.
To make a magic wand out of a stick and dandelion juice.
To build a million snowmen and smash them all.
To become a famous scientist by conducting experinemts on how kleenex looked when soaked in the sink.
To have some event in my life recreated by Rescue 911.
To design my own tombstone.
To win a contest... ANY contest. Aything!!!!! ...sigh.
To discover a new color.
To trap my cat on an island so she'd have to swim home.
To find a secret passage in my house.
To bring soneone from the past into the present so I could convince them that 7up was "magic sparkle water".
To actually win something with one of those BearClaw machines.
To break a light fixture with my head. (I've actually done this one...)
To jump my bike over the creek.
To eat an entire lemon in one shot.
To pole vault over the swingset using a broomstick.
To kill the man who invented long division.
To watch every single episode of the Brady Bunch.
To just out and deck my annoying little neighbor Scotty "the Potty" Cram once and for all.
To make an entire jewelry collection out of PlayDough.
To one day discover that I was really a mermaid and return to the sea.
To bounce a superball over my house.
To be America's Sweetheart.
To grow my hair out ten feet long.
To shrink someone and keep them in a kleenex box.
To be on Sesame Street.
To destroy all the oatmeal on the face of the earth.
To collect 1000 roly-polys.
To learn to talk to ants and take over the world using them as my minions.
To create a new flavor of pudding.
To teach my dog to fly.
To get a wrench and turn on the fire hydrant.
To be named after a gemstone.
To swing my swing all the way around the bar on my swingset.
To be a tightrope walker.
To learn to spell Chezck.... Checz..... Czechoslovakia.
To have my own comic strip.
To discover that someone had buried a corpse in our backyard.
To make my grandmother watch something other than Murder She Wrote.
To have my own club.
To learn to walk on hot coals.
To hide inside our kitchen cabinet if our house ever got robbed.
To get hit by lightning and gain magic powers.
To own a flying monkey like in the Wizard of Oz.
To get a job as the sample lady in the grocery store.
To teach myself to cry on command.
To learn all the lyrics to "It's not easy being green".
To ACTUALLY have a wish come true.
To sneeze so hard that my eyeballs popped out.
To actually have my face "freeze like that".
To make my dog talk so he could tell me why he ate dead birds and sniffed his butt.
To get a death scene in a play.
To wear flats with jeans (very chic).
To win the annual Meadowlark Ridge Elemenary School fun-day shoe kick contest.
To spit water from the drinking fountain all the way across the hall.
To find a cure for evil substitute teachers, especially Mrs. Grundy, a.k.a. "old fisheye".
To own an Ewok.
To overcome my fear of dead fish.
To convince my mom I had skin problems by smearing glue all over my hands and peeling it off in patches.
To for once take a candle's temperature without exploding the thermometer.
To be Wednesday on the Addams Family.
To someday solo the national anthem at a sporting event.
To actually convince my dad that it was the cat who broke into the cookie jar.
To have an invisible friend who didn't abandon me.
To go up the down escalator.
To have a decent nickname (that is, one which could be used in public without offending 80% of the populace).
To find a word longer than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
To own one of those shirts with an alligator on the pocket.
To discover a single word that was the perfect comeback for everything ("so!" doesn't count).
To commit a crime and pin it on someone else.
To spin plates on Star Search.
To convince someone I'm from another country.
To totally alienate everyone, fake my own death, and come back to see if anyone missed me.
To inherit money... mucho money... ching! $$$
To learn all the words to Swing Low Sweet Chariot.
To have someone tell me to "RUN! Run like the wind!!!!"
To come up with a suitable ending for this list.

You obviously have no life.