* Looking for a new car or buggy?
* Find your dream home: For Rent, Farms, Acreage, and Ponds.
* Obituaries, Announcements, Personal Ads.
* GARAGE SALE/FLEA MARKET bargains!
* Browse for more bargains.
* Find your next pet.
* Need a job? Browse through our classifieds.
* The service you need is just a phone call away.
FOR SALE, GOOD CONDITION:
Computers, Business Machines
Big motor, idles quiet, cup-holder broke. $100.
502–123–DERNFOOL
`````````````````
Canal Boat
Sinks slowly.
Call Howard’s Plumbing at 123–OBUOY
`````````````````
Slightly Used Ear Plugs
Still stick. $10
Call 123–ear–gooey
`````````````````
Garage Sale
American-made garage.
Door extra.
$11,999 OBO
Call 1123–gotya–covered
`````````````````
Treadmill. Gas powered.
Only 125 miles on it. $125
125–I–R–TIRED
``````````````
La–Z–Boy Recliner
Pink color. Pictures available upon request. Did not use. $200.00 OBO. Flamingo poster goes with it.
Call Harvey Schlemmer (ASAP), Teamster Local 385
``````````````
Canal
Located inside and in front of Howard's Plumbing. No oily residue.
Call 123–Swim
``````````````
Ant Hills
Never used. 90-Day Waranty.
Call 123–ZIPPY
``````````````````````````````````
HELP WANTED:
Night Shight Commode Inspector Technician, Level IV
Must have proven experience with commodes and as well as the latest plumbing techology and virus scan software related to plumbing such as:
Quick Wipe,
Adobe WaterShop, and Microsoft My Word. Bonus if worker stays on the job for the whole shift.
Call Pepto Spector Company at
1–988–nev–erpoo
`````````````````
Nanni Needed:
Need nanny to watch over 7yr old son while at work. Very social and energetic. You would love him as soon as you see him.
He is home because teacher doesn’t understand. Please contact me ASAP. He will come out of his room I think. Pay would be $30 per hour.
1–800–anyonehelp
``````````````````````````````````
NOTICES:
In Memorium
Hardy H. U. Arckswrap
Jan 9, 1904 – Jan 2, 2000
Send flowers to National Parakeet Carrier Society.
```````````
Always Air
Your one-stop shop for helium.
Wednesdays are Ladies' Day or Men who sing soprano.
Call 123–HIGH
`````````````````
Superman's Allergy To Kryptonite Cured!
Clark Kent, ace staff reporter, has discovered an antihistamine for kryptonite, called "anticroak". For samples and discounts on 10 ton or more
see Mr. Kent's product website at:
www.anticroak.com
`````````````````
DERBY DUCKS BOYS SYNCHRONIZED SWIM TEAM TRY-OUTS
July 26, 2008
Hailstump Corner
Youth Pool
Bring your own flippers.
``````````````````````````````````
LOST AND FOUND:
LOST: Dog
"Pretty Girl" Collie, Laborador, German Shepherd, Poodle female, white and brown and black & tan, 1 year old, multi-colored collar,
a real lover. Last seen with male Duschound by the name of "Dreamer. "
Lost January 7 on Eighth Avenue and Main Street
502–123–YIPS
``````````````
LOST: Wife
Somewhere in lingerie section of Macy’s. Downtown Winchester. Please page for Richard Sterns. My description: 6 ft. 2 inches, brown hair,
grey pants, grey shirt, and red purse.
``````````````````````````````````
FARM AND ACREAGE FOR SALE
Farm. 21 Acres.
3 miles from the Farminglow, KY city limits out Hwy 149 on the Jones Freeway. Includes horses, cattle, pigs, ducks, pigeons, mice and scarecrow.
Call 270–BOY–HABIT
``````````````
Mortuary For Sale
"Heaven Bound"
You Can Own the American Dream.
$85,000 Down.
$1,000 Payments a year.
Call Fly–Away–Wings
``````````````
Home for Rent
Includes a veritable backyard oasis. Conveniently located near major freeways and water treatment facilities.
Call 352–wet–springs
``````````````````````````````````
PERSONALS:
SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north–side condo.
$1500/month plus 1/2 utilities.
Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy & clock repair.
`````````````````
SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate marriage.
Willing to beg.
Call 24/hours, 7/days 1–888–IM–4YOU.
`````````````````
SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking, and testosterone.
Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to political conspiracy theories
and help stock secluded mountain shelter.
Don't bother to write, I already know where you live.
`````````````````
SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance, herb tea, New Age
music, Communing with Gaian nature spirits, and Jello sculpting.
Seeks aloof, analytic wimp.
`````````````````
SWM: 59, wide range of interests including:
Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Power Rangers, and Sea Quest.
ISO compatible F.
`````````````````
SM: Seeking an adventurous SF Interested in underwater bondage with or
w/o scuba gear, and Albino livestock breeding.
No weirdos please.
`````````````````
SBM: Vegetarian Truck-driving Republican juggler Wishes to meet woman
of similar interests. Must be ambidextrous.
`````````````````
DWF: Crazy People Need Love Too.
If you enjoy destroying good furniture, police lineups and locking your
friends in closets, we already have two things in common!
Let's get together.
`````````````````
DM: Physician, 35 Desires to meet that special woman with real inner
beauty.
Send latest X–rays.
`````````````````
DWM: Compulsive Liar Seeks beautiful woman to share my million–dollar
Riviera chateau.
Visa Gold Card a must.
Private plane a plus.
`````````````````
SWM: 32, my life's passion is in discussing, in detail, all the episodes shown
on "Dancing with The Stars".
Seeking S anyone.
Well, signing off for now. Come back again soon!
|
Back to The Humor and Life, in Particular Home Page