The Foolishness of Love
The foolishness of love, my friend, I just don't understand
When they talk about being in love it's like some weird-ass foreign land
It's like some TV game show with a plastic Hollywood star
It's like some mindless fantasy that you get from a Hallmark card
I've never been in love my friend, and here's the reason why
'cause I won't be a pretty little Barbie doll, just to get some guy.
I'd rather be a single girl living on the streets
than to give up all that I believe to make your life complete.
When people fall in love you know, it's like some junkie high
You feel so great and you can't see straight with those moonbeams in your eye.
You're my brand new toy, you're my sugar-plum joy, you're my candy cream
so baby don't do nothing that would break my bubble dream.
When people want to be in love they'll swim across the ocean
just to spend a moment with their precious dove
and wallow in devotion.
But wait until the truth comes out, your precious love's a bore
She's a whining bitch and he's a lazy slob and the love don't cut it no more!
Your New Girlfriend
So ya got a new girlfriend from far across the sea!
Gonna give her all the happiness you never gave to me.
Well you moved in with your girlfriend, I'm supposed to wish you well
But don't ask me to come meet her 'cause I'd rather be in hell.
It's like some force of physics, like magnets that repel
like Superman and Kryptonite, it's like some rancid smell.
I met you on the street today, you didn't act the same
and every other sentence you spoke your girlfriend's name
you talked about her hobbies and the clever things she said
and you had to go and tell me just how great she is in bed!
I figured she'd be gorgeous and half as old as me
with a 26 inch waistline and her boobs were double D.
But she was nothing special, she was all that you could get
she was just a lonely hearts girl that you met on the Internet!
Well the years we spent together, that's water over the dam
I'm getting on with living and I've got a brand new plan.
I'm coming to your wedding, and my friends are coming too
they're all transsexual witches, covered with tattoos!