Macbeth(A comedy)
Act I
Scene I
Thunder, lightning and other special effects. Enter three identical looking hags.
1st Hag:  When shall we meet again,
               In thunder, lightning or labor pain ?
2nd Hag:  Some club! We decide when to next meet
               Even before we each other do greet.
3rd Hag:  Long before the death
               of our brother-in-law Macbeth.
               The place - our club house gate
               But without knowledge of Hecate!
    All:      Hare is fowl and fowl is hare,
               All are trapped in the same old snare.
Scene II
Enter Duncan with sons and attendants, meeting a dying captain
Duncan:   What bloody man is that ?
Malcolm:  Well I'll be dammed! It is the sergeant,
                Who fought for my safety.
                But methinks, 'tis better that your honour
                Wash thy blessed mouth with soap.
Duncan (glares at Malcolm)
                Tell us, good friend, the state of the broil.
Sergeant:  With great gusto, Macdonwald attacked our general,
                the brave Macbeth, from the West Isles.
                Putting courage to shame, Macbeth fought back
                till he reached and faced Macdonwald.
                Hardly had he subdued the villain in combat,
                Did Sweno attack. Macbeth and Banquo fought well,
                But when they were almost winning,
                The electricity  went out and the video parlor closed down.
Duncan:    It's incredible
Malcolm:  That Sweno attacked ?
Duncan:    No. That an ordinary sergeant speaks better English than me.
Enter Ross and Angus
Ross:          Salutations, your worship. I bring great news.
                     Macbeth continued the game on generator power,
                     and to conclude, he defeated Sweno.
Duncan:     Valiant man! Great happiness!
                    Go, greet Macbeth with the title the Thane of the Parlor!
Scene III
Usual special effects. Enter the terrible triplets
No one knows witch is witch
1st Hag:     Where have you been, sister?
2nd Hag:    A sailor's wife was eating barley and rye.
           "Give he some", quoth I.
           "Shove it!", she did cry. 
           Her husband, I'll drain him dry,
           For seven nights, nine times nine,
           He'll see no land, only brine.
3rd Hag:    I'll give thee a wind.
2nd Hag:    You are too kind.
1st Hag:    And I another
2nd Hag:    It's draughty. Cut the blow
            Or we'll all be lying low.
            Thrice to me, and thrice to fate
            And there again to make up eight.
1st Hag:     That's nine.
2nd Hag:     Listen! Shakespeare was a sadist, not a mathematician.
Enter Macbeth and Banquo.
Macbeth:    Such foul weather I've not seen.
Banquo:     Look! Babes in the wood!
Macbeth:    Your taste, dear friend, is atrocious.
1st Hag:     All hail Macbeth! Thane of Ataris.
2nd Hag:     All hail Macbeth! Thane of Parlor.
3rd Hag:     All hail Macbeth! King of Video Games.
Banquo:     What is this? You tell Macbeth of joy, and he is glad.
            You tell me nothing, and I feel sad.
            If you can look at the seeds of time,
            tell me, will I turn to politics or crime ?
Macbeth:    They are one and the same, dear friend of mine.
3rd Hag:     (Aside) I thought we were supposed to rhyme!
1st Hag:     Higher than Macbeth, but much lesser.
2nd Hag:     Not so happy, yet much happier.
3rd Hag:     Thou shall get kings, though thou be none.
Macbeth:     Stay, tell me more. By my wins at Pacman and Space Invaders,
             I know I am Thane of Ataris. But how of Parlor ?
             The Thane of Parlor lives, a prosperous gentleman.
Banquo:      (Aside) Sure, what with us paying him 10$ an hour to play!
Macbeth:     Speak, I charge you!
                        The witches discharge
Macbeth:  (thoughtfully) You will work in that new parlor above ours.
           Much happier and higher, went it not so ?
Banquo:    To the selfsame tune and words.
Macbeth:   Your children will inherit the parlor.
Banquo:    You will own the parlor.
                      Enter Ross and Angus
Ross:      Hail, Thane of the Parlor!
Macbeth:   (Mock Shock) Why do you dress me in borrowed robes ?
Angus:     Because we don't have a tailor. We have to hire these from the costume shop.
Macbeth:   No, no. Borrowed robes means…. Oh, never mind.
           Hence to the king, friends.
                   Exeunt

Back to writings