The Day Tina Crossed Over
Submitted by Jen Bauer - "A close and personal friend of Tina's so I know her well..."
It was a balmy morning when I began to notice something strange was happening. I was living with Tina at this time and noticed that she was waking up earlier and earlier, which was unlike her, and I usually didn't even see her in the mornings anymore. I wondered what she was doing so early in the morning - even on weekends! - but decided not to ask right away and see if she wanted to talk to me about it...Around this time, there was an election in the works - the city councillor elections were taking place soon and there was alot of commotion about it. There had been an all-candidate's debate in our area and the main competitor did not show... this was an oddity and I remember that Tina and I were in the living room discussing where the candidate might be. Tina excused herself abruptly from this conversation and quickly made her way out the door - something about leaving her laundry at the laundromat.
Well, we had a laundry machine so I knew that she was not being completely honest.
I put on the television (Rogers Cable Access) and watched as the candidate showed up, out of breath, excusing himself. There was something strange about him though... something I could not place. I wathced in amazement as he wooed the audience with his promises and ideas for the future of the Annex... Then it hit me - he was wearing the same sweater that Tina was wearing on her way out earlier that evening.
What is going on here? I thought.
I took out a piece of paper and started to chart out Tina's activities over the past month. On another sheet I plotted the candidate's schedule. It was like two puzzle pieces fitting together. And then I noticed.... how could I have been so blind????
The candidate's name was : TONY IANNO
It was a simple matter of vowels before you reached : TINA IANNI
Oh my God!
Was this possible? Could this really have been the case? Were Tina and Tony the SAME PERSON?!?
I had had no idea that Tina was a Liberal - I mean, we all knew that she was "liberal" - but this was a shock! And her plans for garbage collection and street signage were atrocious! How could I tell her that I didn't agree with her campaign? Despite my worries, I decided I had to face her.
We met later that evening and I confronted her with my discovery. She made a good point, stating, "Jen, are you insane? How could I pose as a large, old politician who also happens to be a man? I think you have really gone ovet the edge this time. Last time you accused me of really being Tonya Bianno, your elementary school bully, I tried to ignore it. But this has really gone too far."
She had a good argument, but if it were not for my keen perceptions, I would never have discovered that all my ex-boyfriends were re-incarnations of Jim Morrison. I am still watching her, and will be there the day she admits to anything.
I never did find out what it was that she was doing.... but I will... someday.
Tony Ianno