"What dimension do you come from?"

"By that comment I assume that you thought ... it ... wasn't?"

"Half of the time you're weren't poking my face with your stinky feet, I got caught trying to figure out what to do down there."

"Aren't you experienced at all?"

"Sure. WITH MEMBERS OF THE NON-FREAK SOCIETY!"

"So you didn't like it."

"Let's just say I won't be getting any urges to start smoking any soon."

"And that's bad."

"Bad for us. Good for my lungs."

"Well thank the Gul we can be honest about it. This was no parade for me either."

"... What do you mean?"

"Come now Doctor - what was that whole 'licking my eyelids' bit? As if I have any nerves there."

"Some people find that erotic."

"I was no fan of waiting for you while you had to take a piss, either."

"Come on!"

"Kill the romanticism, why don't you. There's nothing quite ... deflating as hearing another man's pee dribbling against water. It's positively disgusting."

"I thought we knew each other well enough for me not to have to run the water!"

"For my sake, you could have chosen the safe side."

"What about you! Who had to fold every piece of clothings before we even began! What happened to the spontaneity THERE, Garak?!"

"I'm not about to engage in a love making session with clothing just ... strewn about in some clumsy attempt to make these quarters look even more garish than they do now."

"And I'm sorry, but that whole bit with the feet ..."

"That's a classic Cardassian erotic gesture! I thought you would have appreciated the thought!"

"Garak ... you tried to ... oh god, nevermind."

"Then I won't even remind you that you tried, at some point, to insert your fist into my person. What did you think would happen when you did that, exactly?"

"Oh Garak, please, don't remind me, all right? I had to wash my hands over a hundred times since the incident, and I don't want to start again! I almost puked."

"Thank you for regarding my body as an object of disgust, Doctor."

"Oh please. Look who's talking. What did you say when you turned around and finally saw me naked? No, not what you said, what you did. You looked like you'd just swallowed something the wrong way."

"No offense was meant, doctor - but the hair ... I still get shivers over that."

"It's HAIR, dammit, we all have it!"

"I don't!"

"You're not human!"

"Well it was still shocking and ... well, I'd rather not talk about it."

"You think I was any less shocked when I saw you had no cock?"

"Doctor, please! For the umpteenth time, I thought you were versed in Cardassian physicalities. Women bear the seeding implementations. We do not."

"So I'm dating a girl - when all I've dated before were girls. I should date a Cardassian girl to actually say I went out with a guy!"

"Why are you laughing? This is hardly funny."

"Garak ... I'm not laughing at you ... I'm laughing at this experience. It's just too funny. For years we've been turning each other on across the table, and when we finally have sex, it's a complete disaster. Congratulations, Garak - you're the first intellectual love of my life."

"I'm flattered."

"Now put some clothes on. Looking at your hairless girlie privates gives me the willies."

"As long as you cover that bush you call normal hair."

The End