[Ending of introductory music. Inside GARAK's quarters. Camera is fixed on the opening doors. GARAK walks in and throws something on a desk. He turns away from the camera, facing his replicator as he stretches his back]

GARAK [yawns] Computer, any messages?

COMPUTER No new messages for Elim Garak.

GARAK [snorts] So what's new?

[He walks forward to the replicator. Curtly]

Kanar.

[Pauses while the glass shimmers into substance. He takes it from the dais and walks off. Cut to bedroom. Camera fixed on the bed as GARAK walks into view and sits down at it's edge. He takes a sip of his drink then settles the glass on his night stand]

Computer, begin shipment inventory for Elim Garak, order RIGEL29/EG.

[COMPUTER begins to drone out a string of articles as GARAK rolls onto the bed and curls a hand behind his head]

[Cut to BASHIR's quarters. He has just turned away from his replicator with a Tarkelian tea in hand]

BASHIR [wistfully] Computer, messages?

COMPUTER One new message for Doctor Julian Bashir.

[BASHIR sinks into a chair with a small smile]

BASHIR Play it.

COMPUTER [voice of DAX] Julian, I passed by the infirmary today to ask you some medical advice, but I noticed you were hard at work with research, as usual.

[BASHIR nods with a smile of remembrance]

BASHIR Commander Data's research pap--

COMPUTER So whenever you're free, let's get together for a cup of tea or something. I have some questions regarding Klingon pressure points . . .

[We see the beginning of a grimace before BASHIR hides it behind his cup]

And no, it's not what you think. I'm just trying to figure out a way to wipe the floor with his face. Anyway, I'll see you later. Take care.

[In the voice of the COMPUTER] Message ends.

BASHIR [sighs bitterly] Sure. No problem. Gotta problem of a medical nature? Go to good ole reliable Julian. After all, he has no life, right? Gods forbid . . .

[Gets up, throws his barely touched tea into the recycler and disappears into his bedroom. Muttering sarcastically]

Sure Dax. I'll help you get get under a big dumb Klingon's skin anytime . . .

[Cut to GARAK's quarters where GARAK is curled in a fetal position. Articles of clothing are still being chalked off by the COMPUTER as the camera pans from the end of his bed toward his side, gradually revealing his face. His eyes are closed, his mouth curled in annoyance]

GARAK [snapping his eyes open] All right! Computer, halt inventory.

[The ensuing silence seems to please him no end. He turns onto his back and stares at the ceiling, sighing bitterly]

Da keroka delim kel . . .

[Cut to BASHIR's quarters. BASHIR is sitting in his bed, having just tossed a PADD to his side. He rubs the bridge of his nose]

BASHIR I wonder if O'Brien's up . . .

[Groans and brings his hands to his eyes]

Who am I kidding? I don't want to see Miles. I don't want to play another dreadful game of darts. I've had it with holosuites! What I wouldn't give for another quiet lunch with Garak.

[Hands drops to his side and he stares off absently]

I'm such an asshole . . .

[Cut to GARAK's quarters. Close up of Garak's face, still looking up at the ceiling and talking to it as though addressing a live person]

GARAK I mean, he just couldn't drop by and say hi once and a while? Is it so excruciatingly hard to squeeze in five minutes to greet your friend? Or maybe he was never my friend.

[Growls his frustration]

And he knows he's the only person on this station who can stand my company. Does he really think that I enjoy Odo's breakfasts? All he does is rant about the Solids and their weaknesses. What I wouldn't give for a nice quiet lunch in the--

[GARAK's words are cut off by a computer chime]

COMPUTER There is a voice transmission coming in from Dr Julian Bashir.

[GARAK's eyes raise in question. He sits up and frowns]

GARAK [unsure] Put it through.

[BASHIR's voice fills his room]

BASHIR Did I wake you?

GARAK [wary] No. Is there a problem?

BASHIR [pause] No. I just wanted to talk. Are you busy?

GARAK [leans back carefully, still on alert] Not at the moment. I was just preparing for bed.

BASHIR [chuckles] Me too. I couldn't sleep.

GARAK [curls his lips wryly] Neither could I. And since the computer was too enthusiastic to hold up a conversation, I decided to test whether drilling a hole in a wall by staring was scientifically possible.

[BASHIR laughs over the comm]

BASHIR What fascinating pastimes you have Garak.

GARAK [smiles affectionately] I had to invent myself some. After all, others just seem to have . . . disappeared recently.

BASHIR [pause] I know.

[Longer pause]

You know . . . I miss you.

[GARAK raises his ridged brow in surprise]

[Cut to BASHIR's bedroom. He's tucked inside a thin cover he's evidently just thrown over him, every curve of his body clearly outlined. His face is against a pillow, and his eyes are staring off]

BASHIR [sadly] I miss our lunches . . . our discussions.

[GARAK's voice fills his room]

GARAK If that's true, why did you abandon me then?

[BASHIR frowns heavily and looks over his shoulder as though seeing GARAK himself]

BASHIR What do you mean?

GARAK [sighs] Doctor, I'm not the one who ran off to pilot airplanes and play darts with Chief O'Brien. And don't deny it. I've seen you wear that dreadful Irish armor more often than your own uniform.

[Snorts]

Is that what you really wanted out of me, doctor? A playmate? Stimulating conversation was beginning to shorten your attention span?

[GARAK's bitterness gets to BASHIR. He sits up, throwing off the flimsy cover]

BASHIR [raises voice] You're not being fair! Granted, I haven't initiated any meetings between us, but I haven't seen you rupture an artery while trying either.

[Sighs and shakes head as he settled on his back]

Didn't you stop to think that maybe our discussions were getting a little . . . too stimulating? That maybe I needed some time . . .

[Cut to GARAK's bedroom. He's still in the same position, though his arms are folded across his chest. He's intently listening to BASHIR's words]

BASHIR . . . that maybe I needed some time away to put a little order in my head.

GARAK [frowns at the strange expression] Well your head was perfectly fine the last time I saw you.

BASHIR [exasperatly] It's not what I mean. Dammit Garak . . . don't you see?

GARAK [annoyed] Frankly, I don't.

[Sits up]

All I know is that we were having a perfectly good time you and I, until -- for some obscure reason that you stubborningly refuse to expose -- you ran off with Chief O'Brien. Why is that?

BASHIR [long pause. Muffled] I couldn't concentrate anymore . . .

GARAK [confused] Concentrate? What do you mean? I don't understand.

[Cut to BASHIR's bedroom. BASHIR is on his back, hands pressed to his face. When he pulls them away, his face is vividly flushed]

BASHIR [with difficulty] I was getting . . . I couldn't stand being in your presence without . . . that is --

[He gives up with a loud groan and rolls into a tight ball, burying his face against his knees]

Never mind.

GARAK [pause] You know . . . I was a little relieved when you ended our lunches actually.

BASHIR [leans his head back with interest) You were? Why?

GARAK [laughs ruefully] I'll do you the courtesy to be less ambiguous than your attempts Doctor, at the risk of losing your friendship altogether mind you.

[BASHIR turns over on his back, frowning]

You want the truth out of me at least once Doctor?

[BASHIR nods unconsciously. Pause]

Well here it is;

[Tremulous intake of breath]

It's simple; I was getting painfully hard everytime we saw each other.

[Fractious widening of BASHIR's eyes]

While you were smiling and saying what a marvelous day it's been at the infirmary, I couldn't think of anything else than silence your mouth with my own.

[BASHIR closes his eyes]

While you were licking those full sensuous lips to erase the remnants of your Raktegino, I found myself leaning forward and dreaming to do it for you . . .

[BASHIR lets a quiet moan escape his lips]

Your voice, your smile, your soulful eyes all haunted my dreams, and I found myself longing to have your lean slender body sliding beneath mine more and more, with ever increasing persistence . . .

[Pause. BASHIR is twisting his hips to accommodate the unexpected erection he's developed]

So you see, perhaps it *was* best for us to part before I truly embarrassed us both by giving in to my foolish fantasies. . .

BASHIR [breathing a little hard] It wasn't foolish . . . Gods, Garak . . .

[Opens large lustful eyes]

I gave up on our meetings for the same reasons . . .

[Cut to GARAK's quarters. Camera pans away from GARAK's closed eyes, and we see that he's opened his trousers enough to accommodate his hand. He gently caresses his erection as he listens to BASHIR]

BASHIR You remember the first time we met?

[GARAK smiles at the memory, and his breath catches]

When you put your hand on my shoulder . . . Gods, I wasn't scared or nervous -- Yes, actually I was scared . . . scared that you'd notice how incredibly aroused I was.

[BASHIR's breathing is getting shaky, almost plaintive]

I wanted you, right then and there, and I was appalled at myself for thinking it. I thought it was the lack of love in my life . . . I figured, what the hell? I haven't been touched in ages -- I was bound to get excited by anybody's hands. But it wasn't like that.

[Low breathy sigh]

I really wanted you. Not just anyone -- you.

[Shaky laugh that sounds more like a frustrated moan]

You don't know how many times I caught myself before reaching out to caress those ridges . . .

[GARAK writhes on the bed, twisting so that his head rests sideways on the pillow with one hand latched onto his mouth. The other gets frenetic, causing muffled moans to seep through his hand]

There were times it was almost too painful to be with you. All I could think about . . .

[Pause while BASHIR's breath quickens]

. . . was . . . was your body pressing against mine, losing myself in those strong arms . . .

[Another pause]

. . . your eyes . . .

[Breath catches again, this time taking longer to recover. When he does, his voice is straining]

Elim . . .

[At the mention of his name, GARAK jerks back onto his back with a cry, arching his spine and throwing his head back. He clenches his teeth as he reaches his climax, one hand clinging onto the covers like a lifeline]

GARAK [groaning]

Julian . . .

[Cut to BASHIR's bedroom. BASHIR is writhing in his bed in much the same fashion, slowly quieting]

BASHIR [panting] I want you . . . so badly . . .

GARAK [long pause] Why don't you . . . try then?

BASHIR [relaxes] I'm afraid . . .

GARAK [sighing and settling down as well. When he speaks, his words are airy] My dear Julian, what are you afraid of? You know I would never hurt you.

BASHIR You already hurt me Garak.

GARAK How?

BASHIR [pause to collect his thoughts] By lying. By not trusting me.

GARAK [evidently trying to surpress a laugh] Oh, I thought you meant physically.

BASHIR [flustered] Oh so emotionally speaking, hurting me is all right then?

GARAK [sobered] I never did anything to hurt you emotionally. You know damn well I consider you a valued friend. The fact I didn't trust you with the sordid details of my past was aimed precisely at the intent to *keep* our friendship intact.

BASHIR [sighs and buries himself in the cover] The ends don't necessarily justify the means.

GARAK [pause] What an interesting proverb Doctor. But I seem to recall one of your Terran French proverbs as well . . .C'est le ton qui fait la musique . . .

BASHIR [crumples his nose] Oh please. That's just an excuse. Besides, I have no doubt that even your intentions were false.

GARAK [incensed] I really don't understand you Doctor. Still you cling to your foolish curiosity even though we have the potential for something special. Why can't you live for the moment?

[Pause]

Did you ever noticed how I never ask about your past Doctor? It's not because I'm not interested, but because I know you'd tell me about it without my asking if you truly wanted to share your memories with me. I never made gross assumptions about your pre-Federation life as you did for me. Granted, your theories were mostly accurate, but still it pained me to witness your suspicions. Rumors spread fast on a station like this. Don't think I didn't know what you thought of me before we met.

BASHIR [stares guiltily at his fingernail] You know . . .

[Long pause in which a hollow smile curves BASHIR's lips]

. . . it's not curiosity that killed me really. I think what really did it for me was when you were dying.

[Cut to GARAK's quarters. At the mention of the incident, GARAK turns over on the other side. Camera cuts to a full blown view of his face, eyes closed in pain as he listens to BASHIR snort ruefully over the comm]

You'd think that you'd tell me the truth on your death bed you know? But no . . . you just went on and on with the lies, knowing you could die without letting me in on the real Elim Garak. Gods . . .

[Fleeting laugh that sounds like a sob]

. . . And how long did you think you could hide your proper name from me? Really? Someone would think you were getting off by playing with my head.

[Convulsive tightening of GARAK's eyelids]

GARAK [raspy] It wasn't like that at all. I thought . . . I thought that if I kept the truth from you, I'd also keep it from myself. In the end, I was hoping for a new start. Rebuild my identity. You helped me a great deal in shaping it, Doctor, but to this day I still catch remnants of my old self in me . . .

[Opens his eyes, helping tears to roll across his face to the pillow]

. . . and you can't imagine how painful it is to stare at a mirror and see a monster reflected back.

[snorts tragically]

So I figured -- if I told enough lies, I'd start believing them myself. And I did . . . for a while -- when we were together. You helped me to uncover a new side to myself, Julian. A side I hadn't seen in ages. And when you left, I broke down again and said hi to my monster in the mirror. I tried to sort through my life, sift through the lies and truths to find some sort of identity, but I couldn't. I was lost. I wouldn't admit this to anyone . . . but I was vulnerable. So I fell back on fantasy.

[Cut to BASHIR's face. Tears are streaming freely down his face]

BASHIR [quietly] Why didn't you ever tell me? Gods . . . If only I had known . . .

[Cut to GARAK's face]

GARAK You were busy. You have a life. You're young.

BASHIR [quietly] Garak . . . Could you hang on a second?

GARAK [smiles as though he'd expected this] Go on Doctor. I'll leave you to sleep.

BASHIR [annoyed] It's not . . . just wait a minute okay?

GARAK [sighs] I'm always waiting Doctor.

[Channel cuts. GARAK wipes his tears, but remains in his position. He's still dressed, and is too exhausted to move. A few minutes later, the link is reestablished]

BASHIR Talk to me Garak.

GARAK [startled] What?

BASHIR I'm here now. I'm listening. Talk to me. Use me. You need to.

GARAK [laughs and shakes his head] Oh no Doctor. It's not that simple.

BASHIR [snaps] Yes it is dammit!

[Pause]

Look, I can't pretend to know what you're going through. But I can be your relief. You said you needed to put your past behind you. As long as you keep it bottled up, you'll never accomplish that. Spit it out. Not for my curiosity, not for my sake or the sake of our friendship, but for your health.

GARAK [shakes his head again] I can't.

BASHIR [voice is closer] Please . . .

[Camera pans away enough to see BASHIR leaning over GARAK's shoulder. He's somehow gotten into GARAK's quarters. Thinking it's a dream, GARAK tilts his head toward BASHIR's with his eyes still close]

GARAK Julian, don't ask this of me.

BASHIR [placing one single kiss on GARAK's cheek] I'm listening. Pretend I'm a wall.

GARAK [moans] I can't do that.

[Suddenly realizing that BASHIR is really there, he turns and accepts the young man's body, embracing the slender man as BASHIR settles against his chest]

BASHIR Then if you won't talk, I will. You want to know about my past . . . I'll tell you everything. And you won't be indebted to tell me anything afterward. Just close your eyes and listen. Maybe you'll learn how to talk to me as we go along.

GARAK [closing his eyes] Julian . . . I don't deserve this . . .

[BASHIR brings his arm around the broad torso and rests his face against the serrated neck. GARAK tightens his hold on BASHIR as he begins talking]

BASHIR [voice growing softer as camera pans out] I guess I should start with my eleventh birthday. That's when I guess I realized I wanted to be a doctor. You see, my . . .

[Voice dwindles to silence as camera reaches the far ceiling, encompassing the small bed with GARAK and BASHIR's entangled forms in it's middle. We can see BASHIR's mouth moving, and GARAK nodding and weeping as ending music fills the air]

FADE OUT

Translations -
Da keroka delim kel: What a dismal existence.
C'est le ton qui fait la musique: It's the way you say things that expose the true meaning behind the words, not the words themselves.

The End