Kira sniffed, intent on her board. "Well this one was not artificially created, thank the Prophets. No look-a-likes are prone to walk into Ops at least." By the looks of the senior officers, that was a very good thing. Sisko sighed.

"So ... who is our impromptu passenger .. or God forbid, passengerS?"

Dax looked up, a slight frown darkening her lovely eyes. "We're not sure where the rupture occurred, but we are trying to pinp--"

"O'Brien to Ops."

Sisko looked mildly annoyed at the interruption but nevertheless acknowledged the call with a tired, "Yes?"

"Uhm ... sir, we just had a ... girl stroll into the replimat. She's ... uhm ... causing a bit of a commotion."

Sisko looked at Kira and Dax before they both nodded. "We're on our way Chief."

"I can't believe I'm here. This is Deep Space Nine - oh shit, lookadat - man, the replimat's huger than I thought! Fuck me sideways, I'm in paradise!"

Patrons looked at the oddly-attired Human with polite frowns, wondering what the hell was her problem. The intruder seemed to ignore them, however, as she stumbled around with her head up, looking up at the second level. "Damn, look how fucking tall this thing is! Them Cardies, man, I tell you ..." A look of sudden glee illuminated her face. "Oh crap, someone, hey ... you," she pointed at a man in the process of taking a sip of water. He nearly choked at the beckon and looked up.

"Y-yes?"

"Tell me where the infirmary is ... oh, no, forget that, tell me where the TAILOR SHOP IS!" The man looked too terrified to speak. His companion, however, raised an eyebrow.

"Walk out that exit over there, and hang a right. It's at the end of the promenade. You can't miss it, it's raised a little higher than the other shops." Grateful that this piece of information caused the girl to bolt at mad speeds out of the replimat, the woman returned to her lunch with the man, ignoring the three officers who walked in from the opposite side.

Garak looked up and frowned. Whoever this unfamiliar client was, she certainly was right to choose his shop for business. Were those chains hanging from the pockets of her khaki pants? He shuddered. Chains were well and good for interrogation sessions, not for fashion. He deposited his PADD and plastered a polite smile. "May I help you?"

"Oh this is fucking GREAT!" was his response. He had to take a few steps back when the obviously insane woman advanced on him. "I mean, you're him! You're you! You're Garak! Elim Garak," she enthused. "Oh man, I know EVERYTHING about you!"

Garak tensed and became instantly suspicious. A spy? An operative sent to kill him? His hand moved to the side of his work table, where he knew a disrupter was stashed. "Yes, I am Garak," he said cautiously.

The girl clapped her hands. "You have no idea how COOL you are to me!"

Garak frowned. What did body temperature have to do with the conversation? Yes, insane, definitely. His scowl deepened when he peered closer to her face. Were those ... studs on her face? What kind of creature decided to puncture holes and place in them jewelry in their face? Evidently, she enjoyed the prospect of pain. Garak's suspicion doubled.

"E-exactly how "cool" am I to you?"

"Oh god - you're like ... shit, you like, torture people, hurt them, connive your way to get what you want - man, you're like a GOD to me! So tell me, have you fucked Julian yet, or are you holding out on that 'special' occasion? Man, you should like, lure him into a holosuite program of an interrogation room - give him a few lashes or three ..."

Garak was aghast. "ExCUSE me? Perhaps you should leave ..." His hand patted for the disrupter.

"No, no, I mean - you guys are obviously meant for each other! I mean ... oh, shit, look!" She bounced to a rack of clothing, enthusiastically grabbing for a piece of material. Garak dropped the disrupter, evidently more concerned at the matter with which the creature was feeling up the delicate fabric.

"Miss ... ah, Miss ...?"

The girl was too engrossed in the outrageously alien material to acknowledge the question. Garak frowned, imposing his domineering stature next to her. This provided the exact reaction he desired - the girl glanced at him, and promptly took a step back. He smiled dangerously. "You know of me, but I'm afraid I know nothing of you. Quite unfair, wouldn't you agree? What exactly do you know about me?"

The girl brightened up at this question, and began enumerating various things about Garak which he thought no-one else knew. The wire. The various fallacies he had told Julian during his withdrawal. His father. Odo's torture. The man he had interrogated and who had seemed inordinately obsessed with 'his eyes, his eyes!'. Garak crumpled his features. "That's quite enough," he interrupted. "Who are you?" he asked bluntly.

"Uhm ... well, you're right, you don't really know me. I'm Sophie," she said with a dark smile. Garak narrowed his eyes. He was about to respond when Julian strolled into the tailor shop. Behind him, Sisko, Kira and Dax were waiting by the entrance, trying to see what was happening, but trusting Bashir to handle the situation for the moment.

"What's going on here?" he demanded. Garak looked up, a bit exasperate, and waved helplessly at Sophie.

"This ... thing, was sent here to assassinate me! Arrest her!"

"Uhm, wait ..."

Julian chuckled. "I don't think she's here to kill you Garak."

"Guys, you know - who says I'm not?" For some reason, the girl was also feeling suicidal. Garak got a funny look on his face and smiled.

"You see? She's an undercover agent, I presume. Test her DNA, I'm certain it's Cardassian!"

Sophie, who looked pleased that she could be confused for a Cardassian, was too busy beaming to notice that Julian was taking out his tricorder to scan her. When the results came, a condescending look came over Julian's features as he showed Garak the display. "See? No Cardassian DNA. Human." He glanced at her. "Well, DNA-wise, anyway." Was that a ring attached to her nose?

Sophie's eyes bounced from Garak to Bashir and back as they argued about the results, and she giggled madly. "See? I KNEW you guys were SO meant for each other."

Saliva was swallowed the wrong way on both camps. Garak glared at Sophie, while Julian looked on in shock. "What!?"

"Come ON, look at you! Week in and week out, you guys sit at the replimat and argue like an old married couple. Wake up, Jules! For all those genetic enhancements, you should realize by now that Cardies flirt by argument. You can calculate a fucking ETA by mental calculations, but you can't see what's staring at you? He WANTS you. And don't deny it, you want him too!"

Garak looked at her, then pursed his lips. "Oh honey. What universe are YOU from. I'm in love with one person on this station, and it is not Julian Bashir!"

Intrigued by this, both Julian and Sophie looked at Garak with curiosity. When he beamed an enthused, "It's Dax!", both nearly choked.

Sophie paled, and stumbled toward the entrance. "Okay, that's it, Sophie's gone bye bye, Sophie needs to go back home now." She left the tailor shop, and the bickering couple ("How could you LOVE her? I'VE always loved her!" "So? You don't have exclusionary rights to her!" "No, Worf has!" "That microbrain, please!"), mumbling to Sisko that she would like to return to her universe now, if he pleases.

The End