Honestly, I’m extremely sick of the election chaos. Even though I am too young to vote (I’ll be 17 tomorrow on the 24th of Nov.) I felt a strong tie to this particular election. It was the first year with a presidential vote that I was able to follow and completely understand (thanks to briefly paying attention in history last year during the interesting moments). Since I was sick at home with mono, I was lucky enough (sarcasm here, people!) to have watched thousands of "did you know so-and-so raised taxes a zillion percent, don’t vote for them!" ads. I also was able to watch some of the "smart" shows on TV and see what the experts were saying on what to expect. Knowing that I’m going to be 18 in the new presidents term makes the results even more important to me. And one important issue is how the president views homosexuality. I may end up with a guy and it might not matter to me in the long run, but some of my friends who plan of being "married" to someone of the same sex one day deserve the same legal rights as any straight couple. I know that republicans (normally) are much to "conservative" to consider giving same sex couples those kind of rights. So, since I know that all the third party candidates had no chance to win I had to back Gore. And in truth, I can’t stand his personality. He is an annoying robot with a big nose. But that isn’t what should determine who is our president. Actually, I think Liberman (Gore’s VP) would make a better president because he is more "people friendly." It would be nice to have someone other than a white Protestant male in high office for once, although this definitely would not factor into my decision to vote for one candidate for the other in later elections. I have a feeling Hillary Clinton is going to run for Pres. In 2004. It’s about time we had a female president! America has quite a large non-male population and not one woman has ever even run for president (on a main party ticket.) That sickens me. Anyway- as you all know, the election has gone chaotic and it seems to all come down to what they decide to do in Florida. After staying up all night on the Tuesday of the election, and finding out Gore won then did not win then no one won because - heck- it was "too close to call." Damn media screwing with our minds! Argh. Well, now I’m just sick of all the fuss. It’s pretty obvious that Bush won and even though I’d rather have a democrat in office, I think Gore should realize that he LOST and just give in. Every state has ballot inconsistencies and now the democrats are "legally" getting around loosing right away by quickly thinking and making Florida do a zillion recounts. Yes, I’m annoyed that those people in Palm Beach county had that stupid ballot which was a bit confusing. All the country should get the same exact voting machines (like the ones they have here in Old Bridge which are, supposedly the oldest type, but work the best). They are the ones where you go into the little booth and you push down the tabs for the people you want to vote for. You can change it until you open the doors, at which point your vote is submitted and cannot be altered. I understand that computers might not be the safest way to run an election with all the brilliant hackers out there, so I guess it’s safer to keep the 1800’s voting machines. That’s a little sad for America, but it’s true so- lets just keep it the way it’s always been. But Gore, just give in already. You lost. I’m sad about that too. Try again in 4 years. Or, better yet, let Hillary run for Pres w/ Liberman as her VP. Or vice versa. Lets just get you out of the picture. | ||
Entertainment is all I know. What I mean is that I cannot be around people without involuntarily attempting to put on a show for them. Everyone loves to laugh, whether it is at someone else, with someone else, or at their own stupidity. My personal goal in life is to make everyone I meet chuckle and be happy. Laughter allows others to momentarily forget their problems and have a second of euphoria. That tiny portion of the day that your mind doesn’t have to worry or care about anything- it just becomes free and hovers in mid air as you can’t help but laugh out loud, or atleast smile. Someone who never laughs is destined to be depressed because they don’t give themselves that time to get away from it all. For me, my "escape" is performing as the me I’m not and taking the intellect I have while mixing it with an insane character that is stared at and hated, but atleast I never get hurt by any comments about this person who isn’t me that I’m constantly performing as. And even though they hate that me, if they honestly thought about it, the laughter I attempt to give them is the greatest gift in the world. A free vacation to momentary euphoria! I’d take up that offer anyday, wouldn’t you? | ||
Close your eyes and listen. Wait. Allow your ears to adjust to the silence, then listen again. Hear that? It’s a heart beat. It’s your breath. It’s the wind outside as the fall leaves fall to the floor. It’s the screams from down the street or down the hall. It’s your alarm clock. It’s constant sound. The music of life. Besides those who are deaf, who find the vibrations of music through other extreme sensations, one can either choose to ignore the beauty of a simple sound, or hold onto it with such love it becomes a song and emotion on it’s own. And of course, besides the calmness of the wind or the honks of car horns, there is music that can be heard on the radio, on CDs and in movie soundtracks. Strong compositions create an overall mood in which can alter your mind and allow you to become part of the sounds. Music is an art which grabs the listener and brings them into the audio painting. You become the next layer of paint, piling high above the canvas, being splat down or spread apart gently. When I paint, I hear the music in the rhythm of a brush stroke. I draw and my pencil point scratches at the page with a beat. I sing and the all the music of the world comes from deep inside and out through my lips. The composition of the world accepts my voice into it’s harmony and I accept them into mine. And just like laughter, the act of singing is an escape. A glorious escape which allows one to fly away and find themselves at the same exact moment. Even though I’m not the most talented singer, I can’t ignore the desire to add to the amazing symphony of everyday life. | ||
What is the difference between male and female? Is there anything other than the obvious physical gender differences that separate us? Society has chosen to only accept couples complied of one member of each sex. The reason for this is because one man and one women are needed to create new life. However, as a teenager, this is not on my list of priorities right now. Actually, I’d rather not have a child at the moment. So why is it that I can’t go out with a girl? Well, right now I am dating a girl. I won’t go into details on that because the point of the matter is that there is nothing wrong with it. Maybe some people are "straight" and some are "gay." Personally, I think that the only reason anyone feels like they have to be one or the other is because growing up society has made them believe this way. But everyone has had some thoughts of someone of the same gender, even if it was just "oh, that guy/girl is attractive, I wish I looked like them. Ew, how can I say that? They are just cute… I’m not attracted to them.. I JUST wish I looked like them." -or something along those lines. There are times when we all question our sexuality and most freak out over it. But questioning anything is one hundred percent normal. It’s just another part of growing up. Almost seven months after coming out to my parents, my mother still won’t approve of my "decision." What I try to tell her is that this isn’t a "decision." She says "you’re too young to know." I say, "I agree." She says, "Well, then you might be giving up the chance to be with some guy right now!" I say, "yea, and I’m too young to know I’m straight!" - In my opinion, the only way to sort things out is through living. I have a feeling that I’m a very "picky" person with who I’m attracted to, although I don’t mean to be. Ever since I first became attracted to a female in 9th grade, I realized that I’m attracted to both males and females. I’m still not sure if I’m sexually attracted to both, one or none of them. Partially, I think my non-sexual attraction is because I’m still too young and immature for a serious relationship. But- as for the rest of the world- there is nothing wrong with TRYING something. I’m not saying "go mess around with people just to see if you’re bi or gay." First of all, I doubt that would work because "messing around" with someone might be "fun" but it doesn’t give you any firm idea about how it would be like to have a relationship with a member of the same sex. If you are unsure, then wait a while and eventually you’ll meet someone else in the same position as you. If things fall into place naturally, and you end up with a great relationship and everything clears up itself, that’s absolutely wonderful. If you suddenly realize you don’t want that type of relationship, then maybe it’s not for you. But one thing I believe is that people change. Someone might be attracted to girls when they are 17 and then suddenly not want a relationship with one when they’re 19. Or- they could be "straight" and then meet this great, amazing member of the same gender and fall madly in love with them, and stay with them forever. The point I’m trying to make is that the most important thing is to be honest with yourself and follow your own heart. If something feels right than it probably is and if it feels wrong than don’t force yourself into it because you think you have to or because the world says it’s "right." And most importantly, don’t hate yourself for being unsure. Don’t hate yourself for being sure. Don’t hate yourself for being YOU! Life is so sort and believe me, I’m going to make the most out of it. I’m not going to close my eyes to half of the people in this world when one of them might be my soul mate. Sex and intimacy isn’t nearly as important as communication. When you have a compromise of both, and a chemistry where two people feel "right" together, then it’s what everyone’s been waiting for and you should go for it no matter what ANYONE says. Follow your heart.
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I do not believe in Attention Deficit Disorder. ADD is another name for being creative. Those of us who are creative and have talents in the arts tend to be less organized and more dreamy/jumpy. This can be a wonderful gift if controlled correctly. I took ritalin a long time ago and didn't feel any difference while I was medicated, but i do think that it's sad that those of us with this gift are looked at as people who need a drug that will change one's personality while medicated. What we do need is smaller classrooms, discussions and lots of active learning. We need our teachers to say our name and encourage us to participate in classroom activities, and for them not to discourage us when we say something wrong or off topic because chances are that we actually have a point and we will get there soon enough if you just allow a few more seconds of your time. But don't medicate us and chain us down. We are the gifted, those who will change the world- if you must have an emotion, envy us. | ||
I am a vegetarian. I don't eat red meat, poultry, fish, pig, etc. I'm am not vegan, which means that I still eat eggs, cheese, and other dairy products. I am animal lover and an animal rights activist? No, not at all. I don't have any pets and I am the first to run when a dog trys to lick or jump up on me. I just have this thing against eating something that once was living. If I was going to die if I did not eat it then I probably would, but if I can survive without it, i have no right to eat it. I also do not think we should have fur clothing or use animals in makeup, hair products, or any other materials not needed for our survivial. It all started sometime in early middle school when my mom brought home my weekly Micky D's meal: 2 cheeseburgers, coke, and fries. The weeks previous to that I was slowly getting discusted by meat, but I forced myself to eat it, after all, what else would I eat? At that point all I ate was meat. I hated vegetables, fish and basically everything else in the other food groups (besides chicken). But that day as I placed the bun to my lips and took a miniscule bite of the meat patty inside I (to my utter delight (~sarcasm)) pictured a cow... then them killing the cow. All within that brief second of the first bite (reminds me of the Fast food chain comerical... wendy's or white castle, I forget... that has someone bite into a burger and then it turns into like all these cool things they think of in that one satisfying second.) Well from then on I could not eat any cow. I also stopped eatting pig and pig products (such as gelatain). It was hard for a while, but I still had my chicken to rely on, so I wasn't going to starve. Well I've always known I wanted to stop eating white meat altogether, but I was afraid. My mother (who is a vegatarian, since age 7, herself) constintly tries to disuade me because she knows how hard it is to get a vegetarian meal sometimes and that it isn't healthy unless you eat a balanced diet. Anyways, about 2 and a half years later I quit eating meat altogether. I'm a vegetarian and I'm proud to say I am one. I even tried to go vegan for a while, and thought I was succesfully doing it at the begining of this year. However, I soon got sick with mononucleosous and felt it was necessary for me to go back on a dairy diet in order to regain my strength and I haven't gone back to being vegan since. Maybe one day when I learn how to cook, I will try it again. | ||
Personally, Sondheim is one of the best composers of modern time. His lyrics are new, interesting, and wonderfully twisted. His music follows the words with the oddest of notes, chords and all that other composition mumbo jumbo. I'm not one to understand WHAT makes Sondheim so challenging and thrilling to sing musically, but i can speak for his lyrics. I fell in love with Sondheim when I first actually listened to "being alive." Up to that point, I had known many of his songs but I hadn't ever really heard of him. One day, online, in about 9th or 10th grade, I read someone's profile that said that she loved Sondheim. So I IM'd her and told her I knew who he was, but not much about him, and she filled me in on the plays he wrote and composed for. I was suprised to find out that he had written the lyrics for two plays I knew very well, West Side Story and Gypsy. Living in a family with broadway, 50's music, and classical being the long car trip musical choice selection, I had found myself knowing many more songs that he has written even without knowing the show they came from. Then, after I listened to the music a few times, I was already trapped in his magical spell. But it wasn't the music that kept me there, it was the lyrics. The words in Sondheims songs and plays are unlike any other composer. He writes thick plots, with lots of characters, and his plays actually have a purpose or a moral to get through to the audience, which he does with such genius, I can't imagine how anyone could partial an Andrew Lloyd repetative Webber to a Stephen who writes not just about love and the normal emotions, but down into all the gnarled thoughts known to man. Back when, the song "Being Alive" caught my attention. Someone to crowd you with love, Someone to force you to care, Someone to make you come through, Who'll always be there, as frightened as you, Of being alive, Being alive, being alive, being alive. At the time, I had been going through some serious confusion with relationships and had been feeling extremly lonely but too afraid to be with somebody because I was afraid of caring too much for another being. This song taught me that life can only be worth while, and one can only live if there is another to live for. Now, I know that's not one hundred precent true, but I believe that the lyrics helped me see through my fears and move on to the wonderful relationship I have now. His comedies always have a profound sense of humor. Among them being "Something Funny Happened on the way to the Forum," and although his other works are not strickly comic, he relies on a sharp wit to understand the miniscule or avant garde jokes that make each of his plays fun and the opposite of boring. I have not once seen any of his pure plays (meaning the ones he composed and wrote lyrics for) performed, but I did have the opportunity to see "Putting it together" on broadway- during the first night of previews- with carol burnett and four other cast members. The way the show was arranged, I couldn't decifer how the songs were meant to be in the shows they were written for, but I found myself wanting to learn more and more of his music. When Carol Burnett sang "the ladies who lunch," I couldn't help but laugh. At the end, the finale of "old friends" was spectacular. I couldn't stop humming the sexually subtexted song "Bang!" in my head. It was a great experience for the begining Sondheim fan. After that, i must have bought/recieved a zillion sondheim records. My aunt got me a 3 disc set for hannukah, and I purchased a few single discs with a few songs that I have never heard on them. I couldn't STOP listening to the cds. I got drawn in everytime I put them on my cd player, and I would sit anywhere in the house and stare at the lyrics trying to understand everything that the vocalists said. -Which was sometimes VERY hard to do. Sondheim enjoyed writting music that was hard to sing, therefore making it hard to hear. One good example of this is "Not Getting Married Today" from company, in which the bride to be sings at a zillion miles per hour in an anxious, nervous insane plea to her wedding guests to just go home. I've almost got it down, but i have no clue if anyone will EVER be able to understand what I'm saying if i can keep up with the tempo. One Sondheim musical that I became familiar much after my fascination explosion was "Into the Woods." At first, I bought the cd because I knew a few songs on it and because my chorus teacher, Mr. Up, said it was his favorite musical. Well- if it was his favorite musical and happened to be a SONDHEIM musical, then I BETTER go check it out. Once again, I had a cd that I could not put down. I brought it to the park while I was sketching this summer in New York and sang along. I immediately decided that one day I HAVE to play the witch, in community theater or otherwise. And then, I also found Bernedette Peters. I hadn't thought much about her either, until last year when I was staying after to help decorate the hallway for the play and the teacher who was in charge of decoration was having a descussion on musicals with the few people that were helping out. At one point, she brought up "Annie get your gun" (which is NOT a sondheim musical, by the way) and I said "i heard that wasn't too good..." (or something like that) and she said (something like) "Yea, but BURNEDETTE PETERS is in it." So, in the summer, when I was in New York with my mother and sister I decided it would be a good play to go see. I ended up enjoying it even though it was sexist and very lighthearted, but the only thing that made that play work was Burnette Peters. So after realizing that she was on almost all of my Sondheim cds, I went to virgin megastore in New York and bought two of her personal ablums, which are currently my favorite of all my cds. Sondheim and Bernedette Peters go Side by Side (no pun intended) and even her one Live cd was a compliation of Sondheim songs plus a few others. And perhaps there are many others who can sing Sondheim well, but she just is the voice of his music. She understands the complexity and has the voice to pull it off. I'm so glad that I ran into that girl online and she told me about sondheim. I'm glad I've been given the opportunity to listen to Company, Into the Woods, Anyone can Whistle, Sweeny Todd, Gypsy, West Side Story, Sunday in the Park with George, Dick Tracey, and all of the other musicals he's written. Now that you know who Sondheim is, go out and get a cd or two. It will definitly be worth it. -if you don't like the music, at least you'll get a cheap therapist session. | ||
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My personal definition of religion: a grouping of fictional mythology with some logic to create a moral sense in the majority of our society who would otherwise commit endless crimes without fear of a greater being. I feel that for some people, religion is necessary, and therefore I do not hate those who preach or believe in it, but I do think them fools. However, fools tend to be the more jovial of the bunch, and I cannot admit to being joyful when I remember that I'm only a mortal being and that my life will end and after life there is complete uncertainty. Knowing this is quite unsettling, and at times I'll admit that I wish I could just get sucked up into a religion and honestly believe in it... but i know i'm too intelligent and logical to allow myself into that hole of being nieve. I laugh at the fact that in english class we discuss mythologies of years ago and look at it as impossible, comical fiction, while our modern day religions are praised and recognized as mere truth. What is wrong with that picture? If we lived hundreds of years from now, chances are the world will be reading the bible in their textbooks and giggling over how odd we were "back then." Luckily, I was rasied into reform Judism and was given a little choice when it came to my own personal beliefs. I wasted countless hours of my life at hebrew school, listening to their bs and realizing more and more that the god they spoke of wasn't a god i knew or could understand. I feel that if there is a such thing as a god or all-mighty being, I would hope that they would not wish for the world to stop in their tracks and praise them. Instead, I'd like to think that they are pleased with those who do not feel it is necessary to say their thanks in churches or temples built with the money which could be used to shelter the homeless, but that the "god" would hear my thanks through my actions and words. And I'm not saying that I do believe in something. I consider myself agnostic because I don't know what's out there. I don't even know if i'm here right now. All I know is the fact that everything I feel and see might not be real, or it might just be all there is to life. I can't see how anyone can claim to know any more or any less.. but somehow they do, and somehow they believe. How? | ||
In addition to my previous entry on religion, I feel that what happens after life is not something that i can guess at. In fair logic, I would say that being dead is just like sleeping, except it never ends and you never wake up. It is not painful and it is not plesant. There is no heaven or hell, just nothingness. I'd like to believe in an afterlife of some sort, but it doesn't seem feasible. | ||
Drugs and Alchohol are good for one thing: hurting people. They hurt the user, their friends, family and anyone else that is close to them. They cost lots of money which can be used for other things that last a lot longer. Plenty of people with so much talent and intellegence get tangled in the world of mind-altering chemicals and can not get out. They become opposites of who they were, because no one starts out wanting to be a druggie. As a teenager, i've watched my friends go through that tunnel one by one, and at times it seems that I'm the only one left on this side. I know as we age, most will come back and decide that they've had their fun, but they need to hang on to the few brain cells that are left.. and the others will be stuck on the other side forever.. they will be tricked into thinking the tunnel flooded and that there is no way back. But, in the first place, risking loosing myself to anything other than my heart is pathetic and I'd never let it happen. Sometimes it is hard, when everyone else is drinking at a party and I'm the only sober one.. or when someone offers you drugs and you could easily say yes but you make sure you say no. It's not just a battle, but a war.. and one that I know I can win. Sadly, there are too many that loose... there are too many tragedies. |