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(cvotulle@vt.edu -- and, yes, vt stands for Virginia Tech... home of the infamous
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Revelations: Part 11
Chris Votulle, July 1997
Rogue stared at the door for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening. She
wanted to go in, but she just couldn’t get up the nerve so she continued pacing the
floor. After her encounter with Kali, she had gone outside for a walk to collect her
thoughts. When she had lapped the mansion five times without coming to any
conclusions, she decided to go inside and somehow found herself standing outside
of Remy’s room.
She put her hand on the doorknob and twisted it.
She pushed the door open slowly.
That was a sobering thought. She grimaced at the thought of Kali having to battle
with her own inner demons just so she could have some freedom. Rogue didn’t believe
that for a second. She believed that everything came at a price, but she didn’t want
to give up her independence just yet. Besides, Kali was a telepath. Sort of. If she
was in trouble she could always contact her.
Rogue quietly stepped into Remy’s room and waited a few moments for her eyes
to adjust to the darkness. It was still afternoon, but Remy had all of his shades
drawn in an attempt to simulate night while he slept. She could see his sleeping
form sprawled out on his bed. He was still wearing his clothes -- that was unusual
-- and his face was contorted in a mask of pain. She gently sat down next to him
on the bed, but he didn’t stir.
“Hello Remy,” she whispered. “Ah’ve got somethin’ ta say ta ya, shugah.”
Maybe it was better that he wasn’t awake.
“Ah love ya. I do, but Ah hate ya at the same time and it’s tearin’ me apart. Ah
guess Ah’m a coward for not tellin’ ya this while you’re awake, but can ya blame
me? Every time Ah try ta talk ta ya, ya gotta say somethin’ rude, or vague, or
insultin’ and then ya go off somewhere and sulk. Why can’t ya evah be honest
with me? Why can’t ya talk ta me? Ya obviously feel somethin’ for me.
Whatevah it is, I wish ya’d tell me. Ah wish Ah knew.”
She brushed aside a strand of his hair absentmindedly.
“Ah wish Ah knew a lot of things, Remy. Ah wish Ah knew what all those
nightmare Ah’ve been having meant. Ah know that they’re from you. Ah never
had them before. Why can’t ya tell me? Ya’ve gone ahead and dragged me into
you’re own private hell and ya won’t even let me know what you’ve done ta
deserve it. Ah mean, who am Ah ta judge you anyway? We’ve all done our share
of bad deeds in this lifetime and Ah’m definitely no exception. Ah think Ah
deserve ta know. It’s only fair.”
“Ah love ya Remy, but it could never work out between us. You can’t touch me.
Well, not normally. And Ah couldn’t take the pain of seein’ you sneekin’ around
with some one-night-stand time and time again just because they can give you
somethin’ that Ah can’t. You and Ah were never meant ta be and it’s just cruel ta
pretend otherwise. Ah don’t know what Ah even came here for anymore. It’s not
like ya can hear me. Ah better go.”
She looked down at him once again and felt the tears rising within in her. She loved
this man. He was a thief, a womanizer and sometimes a complete jerk, but she
loved him all the same. She swore at the unfairness of life and bent down to kiss
him gently on the lips. They were warm and soft. She longed to be able to kiss
him wholly, but she couldn’t do that without waking him and that would only
create more tension for them later on. A tear escaped from her eye and wandered
down her cheek. She got up to leave, but froze when she felt his arm wrap itself
around her waist. She looked down at his eyes at saw that they were open.
“Rogue? Chere? What’re ye doin’ here?”
His words were slurred and his accent was more pronounced than usual. Rogue
hoped that this was due to the fact that the sedative that Hank had given him
hadn’t worn off yet. If that was the case, then she still had a chance to escape
without incident.
“Remy, you’re dreamin’. Go back ta sleep.”
He looked at her with a mischievous gleam in his eye. “Oh? Well, if dis is a dream
den I want te get de most out if it. Gambit doesn’t ‘ave many nice dreams.” He
pulled her closer and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
She tried to protest, but was drawn in by the pleasure of finally being able to kiss
him without the fear of killing him. He was stirring feelings in her that she never
knew existed. Being so close to him was intoxicating. She closed her eyes and lost
herself in the moment, not caring of the consequences. All that mattered in the
world at that moment was kissing him. For all she cared, it could go on forever.
After quite some time, Remy released his hold and looked at her again. “Chere,
I’ve never had a dream dis real before. Are you sure dat I’m asleep?”
Rogue felt a pang of guilt. Remy looked so confused, yet so hopeful. She hated to
lie to him, but she really felt that it was for the best.
“Yeah, you’re sleepin’. Why else do ya think ya can kiss me?”
“I was wondering ‘bout dat. But if I’m sleepin’, how come dis feels so real? And
why does my head still hurt like hell?”
“Ah don’t know Remy. Ah’m just a manifestation of your psyche, or somethin’
like that. Ah don’t have all of the answers.” She got up to leave, but Remy
grabbed on to her wrist.
“And how come you’re cryin’, chere?” He wiped a tear from her cheek and kissed
her gently.
She had more than enough strength to free herself from his grip, but his pleading
eyes kept her rooted to her spot. She began to tremble. Why did this have to
happen? Why now? “Ah’m cryin’ cause Ah know that you can nevah love me
like Ah want you to, Ah’m cryin’ cause you don’t love me enough ta tell me the
truth, and Ah’m cryin’ cause you won’t let me go. Please, Remy. Just let me go.”
“But chere, why should I let you go? Dreams are all I ‘ave of you now. How can
you ask me te give dat up too?”
She looked at him sadly and whispered, “dreams were meant ta be broken.”
He let go of her hand and she ran out of the door, not trusting herself to look him in
the eye any longer.
* * * * *
Kali was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She looked idle, but in actuality
she was concentrating on maintaining her mental shields at a strength capable of
blocking out the broken memories she had absorbed from Rogue. Her head was
throbbing, her bones were aching, and she was drop dead tired. Unfortunately, she
wouldn’t dare try to go to sleep again. She had to be fully conscious to maintain
her shields at such an intense level. If she drifted off to sleep then the memories
would haunt her as nightmares. She had already experienced that once. She wasn’t
prepared to do it again.
She was finally getting the hang of it when someone knocked on her door. She was
tempted not to respond, but brought herself to a sitting position anyway and
mentally prepared herself for human interaction.
“Come in.”
Rogue cautiously poked her head inside the younger woman’s room. “You look
about as bad as Ah feel,” she said despondently.
Kali sighed. “I guess I didn’t help you as much as I had hoped?”
Rogue looked extremely uncomfortable. “No. It seems that Ah have problems
that run even deeper than those caused by mah powers. Not that Ah don’t
appreciate you tryin’ or anything. Ah don’t know of anyone else who would do
somethin’ like that for me.”
“That’s not true. You just don’t know anyone else who can.”
Rogue frowned. “Food for thought.”
“I guess.”
There was a prolonged silence.
“So, um, are ya goin’ ta give mah powers back ta me now?”
Kali looked at Rogue thoughtfully. “Isn’t there anything else that you’d like to do
first?”
“What?” Rogue gawked at her. “Ya mean ya’d give me more time?”
“Of course.”
“B-but aren’t the voices screamin’ at ya? Doesn’t you’re head feel like it’s fallin’
ta pieces?”
“Yes Rogue, but don’t you experience that every day of your life? It would be
extremely selfish of me to deny you a few hours just because I refuse to cope with
the pain that is your life for a relatively minute portion of time.”
“But usually Ah can hide the voices in the back of mah head where Ah can’t hear
them any more. You can’t do that, can you?”
Kali lowered her eyes as if she was guilty of a horrible crime. “No.”
“Ah didn’t think so. No, Kali. You can give it back to me now. Ah have nothin’
else that needs ta be done.”
Kali closed her eyes for a few moments. When she opened them again she breathed
a sigh of relief -- the voices were gone. “It’s done.”
Rogue reluctantly took her gloves back. They were just one of the many symbols
of her captivity. “Thanks. Ah know you were just tryin’ ta help. It means a lot.”
Kali smiled pensively. “There’s no need to thank me. There is something that you
can do for me though.”
Rogue thought.
“Promise that you won’t tell anybody about this incident.” Kali was deadly
serious.
“That’s it?” Rogue wasn’t expecting something that simple. In fact, she was going
to ask Kali the same thing. She didn’t want Remy finding out that she had fooled
him into thinking that it was all a dream and she didn’t want other residents of the
mansion getting the wrong idea about what went on.
Kali nodded.
“Ah promise. Can Ah ask why though?”
“I don’t want anyone finding out about some aspects of my powers. I don’t want
to be manipulated.”
Rogue was confused, but she didn’t question Kali any further. “Well, that’s no
problem. Ah don’t really know what you can do anyway.”
“Is there anything else that you want to talk about?” Kali asked after a while.
“Ah suppose not.” Rogue was grateful for an opportunity to leave. In her
opinion, this situation was becoming extremely awkward. “What about you?”
“No. I just want to be able to go to sleep without being afraid of the nightmares.”
“Oh. Ah’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. They’re not really you’re nightmares anyway. Besides, some of them
were my own.”
“Okay, Ah’ll let you sleep then. Good-bye.”
“Good-bye.”
Rogue slipped out the door as silently as she came and immediately took to the
skies. She needed plenty of time to think through all of the muddled thoughts that
were occupying her mind.
Kali just collapsed onto her bed for the second time that afternoon, seeking out
peaceful slumber and hoping that this attempt would be more successful than the
first.
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