The world twirls in my eyes. I know it sounds weird, but don't you think it feels weird too? It is worth feeling weird about it. Happiness is worth any price. Being happy for one moment in time, just one moment...I would do anything for that. When I'm there, nothing matters. There exists only I and what I choose to be there.
"No pain," is whispered to me again tonight. It comes rushing down the mountains and comes softly screaming through the trees. Then it reaches me and twirls around my mind and my body. I close my eyes and I feel its embrace as I sit there. "No pain," it whispers once more.
I whisper back. Yes, I actually whisper back to it. I'm not sure what is said. The whisper is a void when I think it. It is a void when I speak it. It is a void when the wind swallows every word.
He doesn't try to change me. He doesn't care if I want to speak or not. That's why he gets to hear me. He's heard everything. He's the only one in this whole destructive world that deserves it. He respects me. He comforts me...the RIGHT way. He won't keep asking me questions. He won't poke me with painful needles. He doesn't force me to eat through tubes. What he will do is listen to me.
If anyone found out I'd be in trouble. All my Mommy and Daddy need now is yet another reason for them to take me back to that place. I don't like it there very much. I am trapped there. The wind doesn't blow there. Even he cannot reach me through those thick walls.
So I decided to just go secretly every night. I jump out of my bedroom window at midnight and I hit the ground running. I feel this rush, an almost animalistic instinct that makes me run until I am surrounded by the towering redwood trees. Of course I'm scared! I'm not that dead yet. I hear the wolves howl for my blood. I hear them trying to get the screams out of my chest. I go through this every night. I feel as if I am about to scream every time, and then the wind arrives, screaming through the trees. He will not let me have fear. He will not let me scream. He will not let me cry. He will let me talk.
I smile. I don't do that often. Not anymore anyway. Not since...not since the incident. Only the wind may know about that. It was in these woods. I was a very bad girl, and that man punished me. He said it was my fault I was so nice and pretty and smart. It was my fault. I deserved it. That's why I tell no one. They wouldn't understand! They would really blame me, and I'd get into even worse trouble. Everyone would call me a bad girl! So, I don't tell anyone anything, except for the wind.
It was he who came back for me. He rescued me while I was lying in the woods bleeding. He led me to a nearby river, where I washed away the dirtiness in me. All of it. And then he hugged me, and I shivered a good shiver. He kept telling me it wasn't my fault, but I know it's not true. That's the only thing he tells me that I don't believe.
However, I trust him enough to let myself fall asleep in his embrace all night. The sun pokes through the trees every night and he gusts to gently wake me up. Then he walks me home. Home; the place where I encounter most of my problems. I come home to the needles; to the parents; to the problems. The world is slowly destroying me as I destroy it. No matter.
The wind still blows.