Thanks, Jess, for the idea for this one!


Glorification
By Candice D. 9-30-98



	God was always worshipped and glorified.  That’s what a “god” is supposed to be. 

That is, until Peter Woles came along.  

	Peter was a devout Roman Catholic.  Ever since he could remember, he went to

Church every Sunday.  He believed in the saints, and he believed he had guardian angels.  

	Now he was a successful lawyer in the heart of New York City.  Everyday he saw

different faces on the crowded street.  Everyday he worked and worked and worked.  But

he loved it.  He didn’t think anything could stop him from taking his happy stroll from his

high-rise apartment to his workplace.  He didn’t think anything could stop him from

climbing the ladder of success.  Apparently he was wrong.

	One second.  That’s all it would have taken to prevent 
everything.  If he was just

one second late or early, everything could have been avoided.  But just like every other day,

he was on time.  He crossed the street, and a cab hit him.  It only took a few seconds, but

it happened.  Peter lay on the ground, unable to move. 

	Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  The machine charted his heart beat.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  He

was now in full traction on his hospital bed.  A wheelchair would now be part of him for

the rest of his life. 

	He was furious, his dreams shattered.  He thought for 
months while he lay there,

alone with just the TV.  When he graduated to the wheelchair, he presented his story to

the world.  He was going to sue God Himself.

	“But this can’t be done!” cried several reporters, not all of them being as polite

with their choice of words.

	“Oh yes it can.  The Religious Community has decided to speak upon Mr. God’s

behalf.  And I have collaborated with my peers, my new legal team.  I have a lawsuit here. 

Mr. Peter Woles Vs.  Mr. God.”  Peter said. His appearance was piteous, for he was

covered in casts sitting in his wheelchair.

	The murmuring did not stop. 

	A few months passed. 

	Jury Selection.  The jury selection was the most publicized ever.  The information

sheets were dramatically different.  Questions like “Have you been to your place of worship

in the last six months?” were heavily weighed.  The defense and prosecution attorneys

squabbling caused the decision that there would be six atheist jurors and six faith-oriented

jurors.  By the time the jurors were picked, nine of them had already either written a book

or just signed a contract for one.  Makeup and styling businesses all over the country were

fighting to sponsor a juror.  Juror became the #1 word of the year.    Never before had a

possible juror been on the cover of Times.

	The selection of the judge, however, was much more noble and secretive.  Only the

most prestigious of magazines and newspapers were allowed to cover it.

	A few weeks passed.

	The gavel crashed against the oak.  The trial had officially begun.  

	“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury,  my client had put his faith in Mr. God, only

to...well, look at him.  Mr. God promised to protect him, and look at him.  Is that the

work of a good business?  I will tell you now ‘NO’.  The defense will tell you that Mr. God

cannot be held liable for these incidents, unfortunate as they are, because they will tell you

that Mr. God never legally claimed responsibility.  But I will prove to you otherwise in this

trial.”  The prosecution attorney sat down next to Peter, slyly smiling.

	Mr. Bennett, the defense attorney, sighed to himself.  He got up, in a manner that

looked forced, and started speaking.  “Good morning.  Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury,

I am working on behalf of three very respected religious groups:  Roman Catholic,  the

religion of Mr. Woles,  Protestant, and Jewish.  These three churches have joined forces to

defend their beliefs, to protect their God.” He paused.  “Our God.   I will prove to you

that this lawsuit is absolutely ludicrous!  It is against everything a human being would hold

decent!  I will show you that it is WRONG.  And that if there is someone to blame for

this,  God is not that someone.”

	The trial went on to become a catfight.  It turned int
o a media frenzy.  Headlines

like “Does Faith Hold Up In Court?”, “Lawyers Talk To God In Their Sleep”, “St. Peter?

NO.  HE’S THE DEVIL”, “God Wins A Point In Lawsuit”, and “Woles: HIGHER

THAN GOD?” graced the newspapers, the magazines, the tabloids, and Internet articles

everywhere.  This was the big one.  “GO GOD” and “YOU BETTER BELIEVE IN

HELL,  PETER” T-shirts and bumper stickers were popular on the people supporting the

defense.  “GOD NEVER HELPED ME” and “PETER IS NOT GOD: HE’S BETTER”

were phrases used on the prosecution’s side.  

	Hours turned into days, days into weeks, weeks into 
months.  The trial was an

endless parade of witnesses, evidence, and objections.  

	It seemed like the witnesses did not stop. 

 	People came in with their sob stories about how much their lives remained awful

even after years of worship to Mr. God.  “After years of Billy’s cancer, he still died.  He

went to Church every week...and he still died!” testified one witness as she sobbed.  

	“And I felt the Glory of Mr. God in my hands!! And with His Might and with His

Power I healed that poor sick woman.  And she’s happy today.”  a faith healer testified,

with his preacher-like voice echoing in the courtroom.  

	TV Evangelists on both sides of the lawsuit testified against each other. 

	Websites sprang up, and suddenly www.godsux.com and www.helpgod.com had

thousands of hits per day. 

	Court TV could not get enough key shots.  And these key shots were seen

everywhere:  posters, websites, magazines, billboards, and newspapers.  The people

attending the trial were dressed to receive an Oscar.  

	The American Public could not get enough shots.  While peace treaties and wars

continued elsewhere, the top headline still remained Woles vs. God.  A whole TV show

was created to cover the news daily.  All states carried it.  The demand was high, and the

producers were willing to feed the demand.  Eventually, “God Trial Fever” as was coined

by The New York Times, spread across the world.

	Those months, 17 in all, led up to the final moment.  The decision was passed

between the jurors, in a fashion that would give the maximum quality news shots.  The

bailiff, who looked as sharp as ever, passed it on to the judge, who had just gotten a new

makeover.  She read it carefully, keeping from the live cameras any clue as to what it said. 

“And what do you find?” she asked, obviously rehearsed.  The Juror answered in the same

rehearsed tone,  “We find the defendant,  Mr. God, liable for all damages to Mr. Woles.”

	Both outrage and joy filled the world.  

	The Religions would never recover.  Not even the revenue from the priest’s and 

rabbi’s book deals helped out.  Next to the holy water lay a sign, “The Church is Not

Liable for any damages.”; and over the doors of the Synagogues read “Worship at your own

risk.”  Numerous places of worship all over the world had to close down due to the

payment of the 2.9 billion dollars.  

	Mr. Woles wheeled around his mansion, a smile on his face, a crucifix around his

neck.


Copyright Drumfill Productions (Candice D./Candiland) 1999
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