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It's Not Just About Me Anymore
By Khyla
Preface
I live in the Midwest, heartland. You may have noticed that I am a fat girl. BBW=Big Beautiful Woman...In fact, SSBBW. SS=SuperSize. That's me.
I have long dreamt of being somewhere with lots of other fat people like me. To try on tons of beautiful, well fitting clothes, to have men there who know what they like & like what they see. ME
One of my goals has always been to attend a convention. Imagine that! Really fat people all around you! Roundness, everywhere you look. Roundness. All curves. Just like me.
Having achieved that goal, here's what I have to say about that (and I mean that in a very nice way ;-)
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It's Not Just About Me Anymore.
That's the feeling I woke up with today. It's not just about me any more. It's about all those very beautiful fat people I saw at the NAAFA convention on Halloween in Chicago. It's about all the dear friends I have made online in the size acceptance movement. It's about the little girl I left behind many scales ago. And all the other little fat girls still out there, & boys, too.
It's about feeling good about yourself. Good enough to flaunt yourself in beautiful clothes, lingerie & bathing suits.
It's about having choices. Choices that nonfat people take for granted, but why wouldn't they. It's a nonfat world we live in. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I saw plenty of us there & we are something else. They can't get us down if we don't let them.
It was a wonderful world to be in. It was such an experience to be among my peers, people who were like me.
The pool party was wonderful. We were so many in the pool, that the water was way up over the drain around the edge. I found that magnificently empowering. There were men who came to stand & watch, some even pulled up a chair just to watch the mermaids frolic. Others chose to get wet with us, & got in to play, too.
I saw love, friendship, kindness, generosity, romance, lust, playfulness, great creativity, overwhelming beauty, contagious laughter, fun....all manner of good things.
I said I felt like Cinderella before & left. I looked down & found a nice man helping me on with my shoe & smiled. Then I knew I had to be careful what I asked for, because it really can happen.
I saw clothes that I never knew even existed. It's different than looking at a picture in
a catalog. The feel of the fabric against your skin is so sensuous. The colors, the drape, the cut of the clothes.
And the really do fit. Things that aren't 'fat', in the old sense of the word. As opposed to the new, reclaimed
"FAT" the we are reestablishing as our right to bear calories.
I felt joy in my soul. Like I had finally made it home after a life time of being lost. I think we should start a community for us & our admirers. We'd have proper seating everywhere we went. Nice big bathrooms. No stairs or steps for those of us less mobile. We could hire nonfats to do the dirty work, like climb ladders, etc. LOL...Well, I may have gone too far...but I think not. You can never go too far in your dreams.
Did you know there are parts of the world right now where a woman is incarcerated at home & fed to fatten, with restricted activity to accommodate this. All in preparation for marriage. Yes, it is true. I read it in Marie Claire magazine. Imagine the panic if you could not gain.
I do know this, I will never feel like a second class citizen again, now that I have had this experience. Size acceptance is not just a myth. I saw the real thing this past weekend. It is a truly beautiful thing.
I can never thank enough the friends who made it all possible.
Donna Marie Ryan, who started it all rolling, by inviting me & paying my registration fees. And Grace Mordock & her fiancé Tony for driving me up there & back. Tony took my scooter apart & put back up for me. And Ellen Kahn, AKA: BigEllen, who came all the way from Manhattan & got me something gorgeous from Jody's Myles Ahead, & Kathy Aaron, AKA: Kitzkat also gave me a gift certificate for my birthday at Myles Ahead, too. And Karen, who sent me $$$ for my room........ and Auntie Susie who sent me money to buy something wonderful with.
I never could have gone without these acts of kindness. Ones I will never forget, or be able to thank enough. I know I have real friends. I am truly blessed. I thank God for this.
November, 1998
Posted on The Writers' Voice 4/30/00
The author encourages you to visit her website called Kyla's Lair *.