Ok guys, having trouble being suave?
With these in your repertoire, you'll be a regular Cassanova
(Email me if any one of you actually decides to try one of these out...)
* Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
* Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
* Excuse me, do you think you'd have a mutual friend who could introduce us?
* Excuse me, i'm looking for a friend... Do you want to be my friend?
* Hi, i just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down... go ahead, say no.
* I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long and i thing it's time to see if I'm right.
* I've had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
* I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are.
* Is there an airport near by, or was that my heart just taking off?
* Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
* There must be something wrong with my eyes. I can't take them off you.
* You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
* I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your place?
* Wow, are those real?!
* I seem to have lost my number. Can I have yours?
Don'ts
(Well, it was either this, or call the first part Don'ts and this part Really Don'ts.)
* I want to give myself to you.
... sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
* Is this seat empty?
... yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
* Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
... that's why i don't go there anymore.
The following have no real comeback to them, but if you don't see what's wrong with them, then you should be shot:
Tip: Never use the words "nice" and "melons" in the same sentence, even if you are in a supermarket.
* You'll do.
* I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into that cheap motel room over there.
* My love for you is like diarrhea... I just can't hold it in.
* How 'bout you and I go play 'hide the salami'? (And no, i didn't make that one up)
* Do you know how to use a whip? (nor that one)
The Doctor Is IN:
(Is there a male counterpart of the OBGYN?)
Things You've Always Wanted To Know, But Were Afraid To Ask:
* No, it ISN'T that common, it DOESN'T happen to every guy, and YES it is a big deal.
* No matter what the ads tell you, it isn't going to get any longer..... Unless you're with Advanced Hair... yeah yeah...
* It's not really supposed to look like that. I'd be pretty embarassed if I were you.
* You have a rash where?? [snigger]
* Smoking not only causes infertility, it causes impotence. Here, have a cigarette. It now comes with a free Darwin award.
Ok, here we go, Here's One For The Guys When You Get Turned Down
(thankyou to Tanya and Sarah for this one)
* Would you care to dance?
... no
... what? no, you misunderstood, i said 'You look FAT in those PANTS'.
Send your insults to
Sourcepan@hotmail.com