37help

Problem:
I've tried to start my computer, but no programs whatsoever will load. The screen remains blank. What's wrong?

Possible Solutions:
Is the computer plugged in?
Does your house have electricity?
Are you the Amish?
Is there a medium-sized fire axe buried in your spinal column?

Problem:
After sampling some of the recipes contained in the java cafe, a dry, peppery taste formed in my mouth. Mouthwash and drinks don't seem to help. What's wrong?

Possible Solutions:
Have you been eating chile peppers?
Have you been listening to the Red Hot Chile Peppers?
Are you using Netscape 3.7?
Are you sure there's not a medium-sized fire axe buried in your spinal column?

Problem:
After playing some of the games in Not-Very Funpark, my friends and other social groups I had previously belonged to started to avoid me. What's wrong?

Possible Solutions:
Have you been listening to the voices?
Can you retain control?
Have you imposed physical violence on unsuspecting innocents?
Have you considered the possibily that you might have a medium-sized fire axe in your spinal column?

Problem:
After listening to some of the audio bytes in Le Maison De L'Hommage, I went completely blind, and my vision is still impared. What's wrong?

Possible Solutions:
If you are blind, then you cannot read the following inquiry as to your health, and we recommend that you have someone with adequate visual sensory abililties read the following enquiry to you:
Are you completely, entirely, 100% positively sure that there is not a medium-sized fire axe buried in your spinal column?

Problem:
Whilst sending email to both Nick and Tom, I find my body temperature rising inexplicably, and I often ignite and burn with an orange flame. What's wrong?

Possible Solutions:
Are you aware of the concept of spontaneous combustion?
Have you adopted your wardrobe to cotton and light-knits accordingly?
Are any of your friends pyromaniacs?
Are you aware of what a medium-sized fire axe looks like, and how to tell if one is buried in your spinal column?

Problem:
I have attempted to reenact some of the 37 Challenges in my own home, using amateurish props and a microphone, but despite this I still haven't been given government approval to set up my own child minding center, destroy childrens' toys, break into peoples' homes to maim them with sporting equipment or become a secret agent. What's wrong?

Possible Solutions:
Have you tried giving up on the concept of copying Nick and Tom?
Have you tried plugging the microphone into a wall plug and sending us a tape to use?
Have you tried the Department of Defence? (they usually do a recruiting drive each March)
Is there a chance, no matter how remote, that a medium-sized fire axe has somehow worked its way into your spinal column accidentally?

Problem:
Me and my friends have been doing some thinking, and we've worked out from the dates on the files, and by a bit of hacking, that you guys couldn't possibly really be doing the 37 World Tour at the times you say you are. What do you have to say about that?

Possible Solutions:
Have you ever contemplated keeping your thoughts to yourself?
Do you ever shut up?
Do you know that we don't care, we're just trying to provide you with entertainment, you little ingrate? My god, people these days have no sensitivity...
Do you have a medium-sized fire axe in your spinal column, and if not, why don't you get one installed?

Problem:
After closing your site, I discovered a sharp, cutting pain in my back, and I've discovered that it is nearly impossible to operate any of my limbs without passing out from the intense pain. Walking is impossible, and my favourite back-scracher - a medium-sized fire axe - appears to have gone missing. What's wrong?

Possible Solutions:
No idea.