Quotes To Live By
Well...your journey has taken you to our new quotes page. Here you will find musings on various topics, most picked for their humor whether implied or not. Our favorites will be found here. Will yours? :-)
LEFT:"Since Saturn's density is lower than that of water, it would float, like Ivory Soap, if we could find a big enough bathtub. But it would leave a ring."--Jay Pasachoff, from Astronomy: From The Earth To The Universe
"What is rice actually?"--Bertolt Brecht
"Horny Horns!"--Paula Abdul
"We have magazines, as well as videotapes. Which would you prefer?"--the sperm bank clerk in Made In America
"What a crock of sheeeeitttt!"--Patrick Swayze in Ghost
RIGHT:"Where the f*** do you think you are, the Dalai Lama's Birthday Party or something?"--the tan and black cat in "The Volleyball Queen"
"Milk."--Bram on Sharon, Lois, & Bram's song, Did You Feed My Cow?
"Oh Tonya, I'm on ya. Oh, I got a hardly! I got a hardly!"--Jeff Gilloolly in the Julie Brown parody of Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan.
"Feels like I'm floating!"--the lady on the Select Comfort commercials
"Buckwheat husk!"--Dr. Kazu Watanabe describing the inside of the Sobakawa Pillow
"You can move to California, or you can move to Spain, but there ain't no where you can run from the nuclear rain."--Holly Near, an especially scuzzy lyric to her song, Ain't No Where You Can Run.
"With kleenex in my bra"--Meg Christian, from scuzzy Gym II.
"Sex sex sex sex sex."--Jan Hooks playing Jessica Hahn on Sex Tonight.
(referring to albedo of Mercury) "If [Mercury] were silhouetted against a bedsheet, it would look relatively dark, as if it had been washed in Brand X instead of Tide"--Jay Pasachoff
"I love you with my heart, Jonathan, not with my asshole."--Asia Carrera in her best movie :-P A is for Asia
"Venus and Earth are sister planets...but they are as different as the wicked sisters were from Cinderella."--Jay Pasachoff
"Other areas [of the moon], called maria, are relatively smooth, and indeed the name comes from the Latin word for 'sea'. But there are no ships sailing on the lunar seas..."--Jay Pasachoff
"I might get buried in rubble, and I don't mean Barney"--Lida Husik
LEFT:"My boobs enjoying the view at Santa Barbara"--Asia Carrera
"Boobs need a lot of fresh air to stay healthy"--Asia Carrera
"I LOVE my boobs! They are so awesome. I play with them all the time, just to make sure they're ok..."--Asia Carrera
"Your heart is good, I know it isn't bad"--Kevin Coyne
"I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I were suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls."--Mink Stole in Female Trouble
"It may be February, but it's always August under your arms."--Roy Harper
"I would like one stamp please..."--Space Ghost
"Steely Dan's the balls"--Aaron Duke
"If I fart I'll poop"--Cody
"It's true. It's funny AND true."--tourperson in The Simpsons at the Thomas Edison Museum regarding a riddle
"Oh, that's just great Kathy."--Chris Danecek
"Oscillations, oscillations, electronic EEvocations"--Simeon
"You're talking about apples and oranges"--Nana
"You guys should be honored to know a guy like Jay Willis"--Grandpa
"Are you doing that just to get our goat?"--Nana
"So hold tight and listen to what I have to say"--Inga Rumpf
"The people won't care about long hair, and we won't be grey mice anymo. And when they DANCE they throw all the stuff away, and NOBODY will bother. They're won't be any quarrel cuz everybody's STONED. They will listen to the muuuusic and enjoy the smell of the flowers"--Inga Rumpf
"Asia, Asia Carrera"--Asia Carrera in Deep Inside Asia
RIGHT:"You and I...could walk together...you and I...could talk together...You and I...could love each other...You and I...could touch each other...but we don't have time for little things, no there just ain't room for little things, why?...you and i...could fly together"--Simeon from Silver Apples in his scuzzy song "You and I"
"I'm sorry."--The mediator in the 5th Grade Plympton Elementary Spelling Bee
"You don't like anal?"--Arlene Eisner from Expo International
"Steelydan"--a guy in the audience at a Steely Dan concert, as heard on Steely Dan's greatest hits album Goldbeing on the track Bodhissatva
"I'm going to be famous someday."--Steven Cofsky
"Everything, everythang, everythaaaaaaaaang"--Lovetta Pippen from His Name Is Alive, in their song Everything Takes Forever
"It's like woo hoo on Jessie's, but on mine I get cupcakes."--Beth Moore
"You invited me here, and I came."--Kyle Sisson
"I just love my hemp sandals."--Jesse from Thor's music class
"Hola. ?Como Esta?, Cuchi Cuchi"--scuzz magnet Charo
Back