The Scuzz Page
Well, you're a brave soul! Welcome to our SCUZZ page. This is where we showcase some of the scuzziest, scummiest, grossest celebrities ever. But first: a definition of scuzz...
scuzz (skuhz) n. something that makes you want to take a shower because it makes you feel so dirty after being exposed to it
You get the picture? So now, without further ado, The SCUZZIEST of the SCUZZY!!!<
HOLLY NEAR
OK...this is Holly Near. She is a women's music revolutionary. And BOY is she scuzzy!!! Just look at her, look at the outfit, the hair, the face. The lesbionic overtones. And wait until you hear her music...god! Dated as fuck! The album "Fire In The Rain" should be banned from any and all stores. Hear the disco strains of "'Ain't No Where You Can Run" as she sings such wonderful lyrics as "it can kill you slow in a lifetime/or get you fast in a nuclear war!" Or, better yet, the album's recurring theme lyric, "People, you have the warmth and the beauty in the light of the sun!"...true scuzzy stuff. And her voice, a quasi-Broadway sound shadowed with mud and onions.
Here are some sample titles of Holly songs, lyrics, and albums and you tell us...
Imagine My Surprise!
A gentleman asks "Are you ladies alone?" They smile and say "No, we're together"
Watch out! Watch out! There's a rumble of war in the air!
The Meek are Getting Ready
Oh Come Smile With Us
Oh there's something about the women in my life
We are gay and straight together and we are singing for our lives
File a lot, smile a lot, yes sir have a good day
And because of you, I too, hold a woman tonight
LIV KRISTINE
All we have to say really is "deus ex machina"...we thought she was going to be good when our friend told us that her album was "beautiful from beginning to end." Boy were we wrong. Yeah, the vocal sections are ok, but that music. It was supposedly recorded this year but it sounds like it was written in 1985. And that accent when she says "destructive winters"...scum covers your body during her xylophone filled "Good Vibes, Bad Vibes" (is the title a really bad intended pun?) and we won't even mention the grossness of "3 A.M." with ultra scuzz Paradise Lost singer Nick Holmes. Avoid Liv, and her doves. Look at the cover of the album...dear god. She is so angelic :-P and those doves!!! SCUZZZZ!
The album cover of Liv Kristine's Deus Ex Machina
STEELY DAN
Dear god! Can we express how SCUZZY this band is?????? Donald Fagen's voice is equivalent to eating poop, and the music, oh the music. The sax solo in "Deacon Blues"...the beginning guitar RIP of "Hey Nineteen", the way Donald says the ultra-scuzzy lyric "that's 'Retha Franklin" and the way he hardly says "soul" in the lyric "queen of soul"...let's see...how scuzzy are Steely Dan, let us count the ways...Babylon Sisters, King of the World, Bodhisattva, Third World Man, Through With Buzz, Night by Night, Reelin' in the Years (with that speak-sing that Donald puts the grease on)...etc. etc...anyway, we first heard them when our friend Kristyn played them for us in her car. When we heard fagen say "expanding man" with the dip he used in his voice, we wanted to throw up, and the rest of the song didn't help either. "Make love to these women, languid and bittersweet" was a later lyric, then "I crawl LIKE A VIPER through these suburrrrban streets"...like a VIPER, for crying out loud. and the dip in the voice for "suburban"....too much...what's even worse is they get played on the radio, A LOT and they even get critical acclaim. But no one understands, they are SCUZZY. They make you feel like constantly washing. And a lot of people don't get it...some guy said "Steely Dan's the balls." That should give away the mentality of people who like them...scuzz attracts scuzz. Go ahead, listen, we dare you not to wash...
KURT RUSSELL
Oh bitch...just look at the pic...i will tell you more later when i have more time but i have to take a shower and i just watched Overboard so now I have scuzz overload.
NICK FUCKING NOLTE
Nuff said.
CHARO
OK....look at the picture. Scuzz, right? But there's more...she's released an ultra-scuzzy CD called "Gusto" which contains such noteworthy titles as "Caliente" and "Give Me Cuchi"...her voice is something like sandpaper in shit. The music is pure synthesized latin arriba dirty hair with elephant skin and her status on the Love Boat makes her an absolute icon of the filmy ones. AND SHE LAUGHS AT THE END OF "GIVE ME CUCHI"...
AND......
JOHN GREAVES!!!!!!SCUUUUZZZZZZZZ!!!!!
Didn't expect this man to be as gross as he is...saw him at a Peter Blegvad concert. Man all I have to say is his face, his 'sexy' faces when he plays his god-damned glossy rectangular black bass guitar(without pegs I may add...and that hair! Jheri curl on a man. and what else? The eye contact he makes during the show as to say "you like my dipping body when I play this part in "Golden Age"? Disgusting...oh yeah, and he has an album called "Little Bottle of Laundry"...that should speak volumes
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