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View the guestbook Thought For The Day:
14/1/00: No matter how beautiful you are, underneath the skin we are all a bloody mess of muscle, tendons, organs, bones and blood vessels .
23/1/00: I am a fishing line without bait, and whilst throwing fish back into the water for being relatively too small, I expect to catch Atlantic salmon...in the Pacific Ocean. (it's a metaphor if u hadn't already noticed)
24/1/00: After watching a phone sex ad, have you ever wondered, if those half-naked girls were so horny and desperate to talk to you, why they don't take the initiative for once and call you up instead?
1/2/00: At Pizza Hut, where I'm the dishwashing guy, the plates are so clean you can almost eat off them.
20/2/00: It's amazing how quickly a mistyped line in an internet chat can turn a person from a petty jackass into a professional dickhead.
21/2/00: Humiliation can smell fear. The more you fear it, the more likely it will attack you.
13/3/00: From just looking, the optimist thinks the girl is wearing a G-string. The pessismist thinks it's just her underwear riding up her crack.
20/3/00: Here's a tip for eating at a restaurant:
If you're eating crab, and the shell is particularly hard to crack open, and you don't have one of those nutcracker thingies, this is what you do... firstly, use every single piece of cutlery you can find (forks, knifes, etc) and hammer away at the shell. If that doesn't work, slam on it with plates, bowls, cups, etc. If that still doesn't work, place the piece of crustacean under a leg of your chair, and sit on it. If that STILL, doesn't work, chokeslam, powerbomb, piledrive, clothesline, DDT and suplex the damn thing before you negotiate calmly with the piece of crab to get it open. If all else fails, you're screwed.
21/3/00: PeOpLe WiTh PaRkInSoN's DiSeAsE sHoUlDn'T uSe ThE 'sHiFt' KeY.
1/4/00: The people who keep emphasising wrestling is fake are the same people who get scared watching horror movies, read fiction and comics, and believe in religion.
11/4/00: Had Willy Wonka still been operating today, he would've been jailed for smuggling illegal immigrants (the Oompa-Loompas), slave labour, and occupational hazards.
13/4/00: Remember back in the days when you were young, when eating a banana had no dirty connotations to it?.
1/6/00: The ironic thing about people who 'cyber' is that they are computer geeks who you would think would be least able to get any sexual gratification.
2/6/00: Where there's hope, there's disappointment.
3/6/00: Notice how the further away something is, the louder it is to read it?
30/6/00: I think funeral parlours, morgues, morticians and undertakers are immoral because they profit from the death of people. I reckon more funerals these days should be DIY. And no, I am NOT a communist.
1/7/00: If this was the end, you'd be finished by now.
2/7/00: Attach your own bike lock to another person's already locked up bike. If you can't get to it, neither should the owner of the bike.
3/7/00: When you see little kiddies running past you, have you ever wanted to stick your arm out and clothesline them?.
11/7/00: If you're happy and you know it.....bite me.
1/8/00: After countless times of adding milk to your tea, has it ever occurred to you to add tea to your milk? It ain't half-bad.
6/8/00: Find out what it is that makes library/shop security alarms go off (you know, that metal strip thing) and sneak it into other people's schoolbags, pockets and sew it into inconspicuous parts of their clothing.
12/8/00: If bears and pandas ever become extinct, they can get unemployed fat guys to work for the dole by getting them to wear bear costumes, roam around in zoo enclosures and crap in the woods.
15/8/00: To all those A-grade morons out there, 'schmuck' is not a two syllable word.
16/8/00: With those surveys saying how the average Australian loses their virginity at 17.1 yrs of age, I can only come to one conclusion, they never interview ugly people.
18/8/00: Not like any of you care, but today was a bad day. Too many bad things happened for it to be a coincidence. I had to work on my day off, broke a million plates(for the first time), cut myself twice (for the first time), saw someone I'm not even sure who it was, AND *MISS WATCHING A TIED CRICKET MATCH*. F***********CCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!.
19/8/00: The most satisfying thing is to see production model racing cars (or whatever the hell they're called) like Ferraris, Porsches, Jaguars and Hotrods, whose top speeds are faster than the speed of sound (you can tell because they create a sonic boom when they accelerate), get stuck in traffic jams.
23/8/00: Sex is a lot like pro wrestling. Most of it is faked, there's a lot of yelling, there's a 'hard core' division in each of them, and if necessary, they smack each other with chairs, bins and kendo sticks.
28/8/00: Bugger's Annoying things to do #26:
Instead of buying a vowel in Wheel-Of-Fortune, have it on lay-by, and when playing Jeopardy, answer with rhetorical questions. You could also get the council involved in monopoly by having building permits and red tape when having to buy buildings.
31/8/00: 2pac is not dead, but neither is Elvis.
Ever notice how they're never in the same room together?
Elvis faked his death in the 70s to hibernate until he re-emerged two decades later with a new identity, as a troubled black rapper known as 2pac.
Just as there are Elvis impersonators, 2pac spawned thousands of 2pac wannabes.
He faked his death yet again, and will re-emerge, yet again, in 20 years time, as a gay, jewish, techno DJ with prosthetic limbs to again become the worshipped idol of a generation of impressionable youths with identity crises.
10/9/00: Sarcasm is an evil tool to those who can't decipher it.
12/9/00: Have you ever seen a fat bloke in a Coca-Cola commercial??.
30/9/00: Would racing horses who see dressage horses reckon that they are spastics, sissys, and goody-two-shoes?
1/10/00: If China won the bid for the 2008 Beijing Olympics, imagine what it would be like:
The Opening Ceremony, where the Chinese Taipei flagbearer will be shot on site; after all the athletes gather in the middle of the stadium, tanks come out to crush every single one of them, Tianamen Square style, and a chinese student protester lights the cauldron with a molotov cocktail....
6/10/00: On this, the last day of year 12, I have this urge to listen to Crowded House's 'Don't dream it's over' over and over again until my eardrums expode and be outdoors, naked, chanting the letters L-A-U like I was possessed.
20/10/00: Ok, more than a year of this page, there has been something missing, so I'll make up for that inadequacy now....
25/10/00: Being able to scare the hiccups out your dog: Priceless.
26/10/00: This page JESUSIFIED surprisingly makes a lot of sense. Enjoy!.
5/11/00: Bugger's Culinary Tip #52:
When serving Chinese food and no rice is available, use rice-bubbles instead.
10/11/00: Here's a cynic's view of a formal (or prom for you Yanks):
For the girl, it's an excuse to play dress-up and have a free dinner. For the guy it's the chance to show off to his mates there's actually a girl who would be willing to be seen in public with him, and a costly investment in the hope of getting some at the end of the night....Of course, the cynic goes alone.
11/11/00: The only purpose of children's game shows is to point out how utterly stupid their contestants are.
18/11/00: The only reason why there's so much violence among American school students is because of the existence of the neurotic Barney the Dinosaur. Note: I think I've been watching too much children's televsion since I've finished school.
13/12/00: The difference between festy and feisty is 'I'.
14/12/00: One of the best insults is to say to someone they're only useful as a speed hump.
29/12/00: I have voices in my head...and it sounds like the cricket commentary.
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