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View the guestbook Thought For The Day:
29/1/01: Bestiality is when mummy, daddy, and Spot are loving each other very much.... - DAAS
30/1/01: You can't have well-adjusted people being therapists, they don't know what it's like to have problems. Nutcases like myself make the best therapists.
7/2/01: The next best thing to being able to explain something to someone is to be able to totally confuse them.
8/2/01: The more you do, the less you think. I hardly do anything and for this reason I am a certified genius. Those who neither do or think are dead.
16/2/01: The Valentine's day card I made for no one in particular can be found HERE. Classy huh. Lucky these days come round only once a year so I don't make an ass of myself that often.
17/2/01: If I ever go to jail, I'm not gonna use soap, I'm taking shower gel with me.
11/3/01: When one sees something gross, why is it human nature to emulate this grossness (what's that word I can't think of?) by vomiting?.
12/3/01: She-ra was just He-man after a sex-change operation.
16/3/01: The bad thing about orchestral performances is just when you think your misery is about to end, it drags on for at least another 10 minutes.
24/3/01: One right makes two wrongs.
25/3/01: I hate daylight savings. Even if you wind clocks back an hour, you still lose an hour's sleep because you wake up an hour too early.
1/5/01: Hormones is the difference between a normal girl and a pissed- off chick with PMS. Hormones is the difference between a guy who wants sex and a guy who REALLY wants sex.
13/5/01: When I see an attractive girl going out with a total dork, I can only think of one thing: those two are part of a wacky religious cult which forces them to become inseparable partners.
14/5/01: I have a new hobby. I stare at my third-hand (second second-hand) mobile all day just in case by some miracle I get an SMS from someone who dialled the wrong number. Besides that, my phone is just another paperweight, door-stop or dog toy because I have nobody to call and I don't accept calls.
21/5/01: If you're a paramedic, it is wrong to use the ambulance to help you move house just because you're too cheap to hire a moving van.
24/5/01: Just what is the prescribed length of time a guy can make eye contact with a girl that he likes? If it's too short, she'll think you're not interested. If it's too long, she'll think you're staring and it'll freak her out. I call this dilemma, "Eyecon Tactics"
25/5/01: I'm so antisocial, I have defense mechanisms that protect me like a sanitary pad.
26/5/01: If I ever get to kiss a girl, I would eat chilli just beforehand so she'll get an electrifying sensation when she kisses me.
28/5/01: If you're playing an online multiplayer game, use a girl's name, and I guarantee your opponents will be gracious when you kick their a$$. They may even complement you for no particular reason.
31/5/01: I'm God's gift to women, but I'm the kind of gift the girls are always taking back to get a refund.
5/6/01: I don't like to receive compliments for two reasons. Number 1 is it gives me an inflated ego, and number 2 is that compliments carry with them expectations, and I can't live up to any of them.
9/6/01: Always try to live a life of mediocrity. It's the same as a life of greatness, but you get to take more naps.
16/6/01: I'd make a good cartoon character, along with the socially-inept likes of Jon Arbuckle, Dilbert, Donald Duck, Snake and even Charlie Brown.
22/6/01: One of the hardest thing is trying not to sneeze on a train which is so crowded you could hardly breathe.
4/7/01: For those of you who have never experienced it, being in a good hospital is like being on a plane trip you could actually sleep on, and being on the drip is like lugging around a ball-and-chains.
9/7/01: Sometimes, I dream of sitcoms that make me laugh in my sleep. Sure, I'm laughing at my own jokes, and sure, I can't remember the punchlines when I wake up, but they're funny, and that's all that matters.
13/7/01: Going to a dance party is like going to the scene of a car accident. You know it's gonna be bad, but you just can't stop yourself to go and see how bad it really is.
14/7/01: Every time I see a girl wearing a turtle-neck sweater, it always reminds me of Piccolo from Dragonball Z.
20/7/01: You know you're petty, when shopping, you count to make sure the nice old lady in front of you has "12 items or less".
21/7/01: Have you ever bought something out of spite? I had my first experience recently. There was this shirt I wanted but it didn't come in my size. There was another shirt of the same style but not really in the same colours as the other one, but it was my size. So I got that one, and I smirked to the first shirt "See that? It could be you I'm paying for...but noooo...you had to be difficult. You couldn't have come in any size other than M, L, XL and XXL could ya?!"
26/7/01: My new motto: "If you're going to be pathetic, at least make it entertaining."
9/8/01: Sitting at the back of a crowded stadium or lecture theatre, do you ever feel the urge to jump on the people in front of you and crowd-surf?
27/8/01: The current rule for music-makers these days is if you have really bad lyrics, put it with music with a dance beat and no one will notice. (except me, dance music pisses me off)
28/8/01: I have to display my imperfections because if I didn't, the girls would be all over me.
31/8/01: People around me have so many relationship problems these days. Since I don't have a rel'ship with anybody, my biggest problem these days is trying to find a pair of matching socks every morning.
1/9/01: Now that Big Brother is over, I get my daily fix by peeping through other people's windows.
2/9/01: Did Sigmund Freud become the world's most famous psycho-analyst from reading books? Heck no! He made up this own theories. And this is how I'm gonna be the next Freud, by making stuff up.
4/9/01: If you have a good accent, you are able to sound interesting without having anything interesting to say.
8/9/01: Know what really pisses me off?? I get one call phone call a fortnight if I'm lucky, and when that call comes, I'm in the bogs. They'd say they'd call back, and I can wait by the phone forever and a day, and they won't friggin call back!!! And of course I'll never who the caller was because that genius who answered the phone forgot to ask!
11/9/01: Ever walked by in the street, and some strange word just come into your head and totally confuse you? I had 'tabernacle'.
12/9/01: With 'coming out' these days being so common and even in fashion, would anyone just pretend to come out just to be cool?
23/9/01: If you've never had a conference call, I'll tell you something about it:
You don't have to say anything so it can be like a CB radio, and then people constantly have to ask to make sure you're still on the line.
You can't say anything without interrupting anyone. Trying to say something is like trying to merge in traffic. You may have to wait ages for a break in traffic and even then you're still a chance of ending up in a mangled wreck.
24/9/01: Where do I see myself in five years time? Well I'll be a therapist of some sort, making jokes about my client's situation to show them the lighter side and making them feel better. Then I'll be sued for malpractice.....
8/10/01: If you want your single friends to stay single and have more time for you, just make them seem more repulsive to the opposite sex. You could bitch about them behind their backs (not like you mean anything you say, because they your friend remember), or you could give them free haircuts while they're asleep so it doesn't take up their time, because that's the kind of nice friend you are.
16/10/01: People who wear really high platforms are funny. They don't walk, with every step, it's just a struggle for them to stay upright and balanced.
17/10/01: If you're not feeling really special, just wear a sash advertising whatever you want. Forget about expensive brand names, this is the was to go if you want to get noticed. "World's Greatest Lover" and "Best Fashion Sense" are just some of the banners you can parade in public. And cheap too. A bit of newspaper and a stapler are all you need if you don't have the proper material.
29/10/01: It'd be good to meet a drunk girl for many reasons. Her blurred vision will fool her into thinking you're the hunkiest piece of meat alive. And if you're talking to her and she falls asleep, it might NOT be because you're a boring dork.
6/11/01: I don't get dancing. If I wanna wave my arms erratically, and 'pretend' to jump while keeping both feet on the ground, all to the tune of really bad music (if you can call it that), I'd be doing it in public with a hat on the ground in front of me, collecting the loose change strangers throw at me for me to STOP.
7/11/01: I'm so short, when I walk, my feet don't even reach the ground.
23/11/01: I'm as sentimental as a non-igneous rock.
24/11/01: A watched message box never replies.
1/12/01: This Christmas, I'm gonna be the new Santa Claus. I can't climb down chimneys, so you'll have to leave your front door unlocked for me. I don't accept milk and cookies but I wouldn't mind monetary donations, and as I leave, my magic sack will be bigger than before I entered your home.
6/12/01: Girls, it doesnt matter what you wear. Unless it's see-through, after a while, it just looks all the same. We don't care what it is you wear, to us, it's just another piece of annoying fabric preventing us from seeing you naked.
10/12/01: If you like girls but are afraid of their unpredictable PMS, I guess you'll just have to hang around post-menopausal women more.
16/12/01: Even if you're bored, it is still pretty sad to have a conference call with one 'caller' being the weather number and the other being the clock guy (at the third stroke, it will be ...pm).
17/12/01: Nooo, it is wrong to not give people christmas gifts because you proclaim yourself to be the Little Drummer Boy (pa rum pa pum pum).
18/12/01: Can a homeless person be a homey?
23/12/01: Is the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer one we should be telling the kiddies? Let's face it, he was abused by his peers and only became popular when Santa stepped in. The other reindeer seem pretty superficial and if Rudolph's personality stayed the same, I can't see how he could be more liked. And it was on a foogy Christmas Eve that Santa found a use for him. What about the other Christmases when the weather is clear? Did Rudolph end up as a Christmas dinner? Venison with the his mouth holding his nose instead of an apple.
31/12/01: Tonight, I went out to the city for NYE celebrations but left before the midnight fireworks. The only good thing about being in such a crowded place was that I got to be in the background of at least 3 photos of people I didn't know, without even trying. Next year, forget the fireworks, I'm gonna see if I can make guest appearances in 50 photos.
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