Package with KFC look-a-likes. 
Lump of #%$&?!!
Thought For The Day:
11/1/03: The aim of having a goldfish as a pet is not so it can provide companionship or any sort of entertainment, but to keep the little buggers from dying.
20/1/03: Maybe if I took my stupid goldfish out of the water for a few minutes of fresh air each day I can teach them to become amphibious.
28/1/03: Take the bad out of a badass and you're left with just an ass.
31/1/03: Everyone around me are living their soap opera lives and I'm still stuck being the passive viewer.
8/2/03: Excuse the tastelessness, but the 'high definition' picture of the space shuttle Columbia looks like an enormous..."Johnson!".
14/2/03: Thing to do today: look in the newspaper where people post their Valentine's Day messages, find one with your name on it, and imagine some hot chick dedicated it to you.
28/2/03: If this text is flashing, you're not a douchebag.
1/3/03: You know you're desperate if you're aroused when a female character from "The Sims" gets pixellated naked or changes into a bikini.
15/3/03: The price of dignity is the difference between paying for water at a shop and asking for free water at Macca's.
30/3/03: I got a weapon of mass destruction... IN MY PANTS! Ok, so it may not be destructive, but it sure is massive. Come get it, ladies...
4/4/03: Ever wondered if your guardian angel was a stalker?
13/4/03: I wish I had a twin...that way I could REALLY play with myself...
18/4/03: I just discovered reverse psychiatry. If someone has a few issues, the way to treat them is to burden them with all your own problems so they'll forget about their own. "You think you got problems? I can't even get a date cos of this permanently grumpy-looking face I got! My dog ignores me and I only got 2 pairs of pants!
22/4/03: Went to the easter show ALONE (lousy deadbeat friends) for the second year in a row. Saw the cute little piglets that acted like puppies. Seeing them made me become a vegetarian for 10 minutes...until I went and bought me a 4 dollar (ripoff!!) chilli dog with beef chilli con carne topping. For now on I will not eat anything that resembles a pig, so of course, sausages, ham, bacon and pork are still acceptable.
23/4/03: Once again I've been had. This is the second time I've bought something that looks like KFC on the packaging but the product ends up being nothing like it. Package with KFC look-a-likes. Lump of #%$&?!!
25/4/03: No, you cannot catch SARS from drinking Sars, the shortened name of sarsparilla. However, scientists have warned that it still tastes like crap.
26/4/03: Today is my birthday, which means I'm the most powerful (and desirable) guy in the world. Tomorrow I'm back to being weiner-boy.
5/5/03: To me, girls are very mysterious.....just like Batman.
20/5/03: They say that guys think about sex every 3 seconds. I haven't thought about it the last couple of hours so I guess I got a lot of catching up to do....
22/5/03: It's hard to draw an elephant without it looking like a set of genitals.
23/5/03: Get a device that emits a quiet hum. Try adjusting the pitch so the sound resembles that of a mosquito. Turn it on during the sleepier hours of the night, with a volume just low enough so it can be detected by the neighbours. Adjust the volume occasionally to mimick the movement of a hovering mozzie. It'll drive them insane. Then keep an eye out for the anarchy that unfolds. When their bedroom light is on it means they're maniacally trying to find this noisy but non-existent blood-sucker. When the lights are off, you can be assured they won't get their forty winks as they bury themselves under the doona and worry about which exposed body part the mozzie will strike. They're afraid if they fall asleep they'll wake up with a face full of irritating insect bites.
8/6/03: Didn't notice before but a wedding dress is the ultimate makes-your-butt-look-big device. Not that I've worn a wedding dress before...or even been to a wedding.
12/6/03: Mannequins with nipples. 'Nuff said
15/6/03: Laws of Kung Fu movies #26:
The bad guy using an object with lots of pointy ends (and been training in martial arts since before the good guy was toilet-trained) is no match for the unarmed good guy who is slashed to bits, has seemingly broken limbs, a dodgy ankle and head wounds only people without a brain (or a brain located in very weird places) could survive.
9/7/03: A golf course is the only place where the laws of physics do not apply. It's the closest a guy can come to experiencing PMS. A guy can go crazy, start whacking the course for imaginary groundhogs and practising javelin with his golf clubs and it can still be considered normal behaviour. It should've been obvious from the beginning; those guys with the Michael Jackson-style single glove and pants tucked into their tartan socks aren't like that because they have bad fashion sense, they're like that because they've had a few screws loosened from previous experiences on the golf course. They made golf buggies slow because if they made them fast, disgruntled golfers would go mow down fellow players in a fit of golf rage.
12/7/03: There are just too many people who make blog sites nowadays. Now we all know there aren't that many fascinating people in the world, so why do most of these people bother?? The only people who really want to read about every mundane and sordid detail of your life are stalkers.
13/7/03: So there I was at a cafe restaurant type thing for afternoon tea with my *parents*. Seated next to us was a couple, my age, enjoying each other's company. Then in one of those grotesque and offensive PDAs (that's public displays of affection for those of you who were born before Michael Jackson was white) the girl starts spoon-feeding chunks of food to the guy! Then vice versa!! I wanted to call out "Do you mind?? I'm trying to eat here!!" but with my preference for telepathy, I remained silent yet again. If the guy was too busy groping and fondling the chick to be able to use his hands to feed himself, sure, by all means, spoonfeed him. But he wasnt, so let the man get shove the food down his own throat by himself!
15/7/03: I'm having weird dreams lately, and ones I can remember too. The night before I dreamt I was on an escalator to heaven. Last night I dream I was in a jail cell with that big John Coffey guy from The Green Mile. We were getting bored so we folded up the bed like those wardrobe bed things and started playing soccer inside the cell.
29/7/03: Paraphrased a little: "People with $285 jeans and a $160 shirt with "Joe's Auto" written on the front, go work at a fuckin' garage! There you can get those shirts for free." - Adam Spencer, Triple J Breakfast Show .
2/8/03: You don't always have to buy brand names. You don't have to pay a 300% mark-up for a label signifying that you support the operators of sweatshop factories paying slave wages. You can skimp by buying no-frills everything, even generic medicine. Sure they may contain some additional hallucination-inducing side-effects, but you gotta take the bad with the good. But the only thing you can't be frugal on, is TOILET PAPER. If anything deserves the best that money can buy, it's your arse. If I was really short on money, I would rather eat oats and plain flour than not splurge on fancy-pants toilet paper.
3/8/03: If you're talking directly to me, I'll need you to repeat yourself three times before I have any idea what you're saying. But if you're talking to someone else, I can hear every word you're saying within a radius of 5 metres. I think this is why I've got long-deafedness. I've tuned my ears only for eavesdropping.
11/8/03: I've said before how an attractive person would only go out with an ugly person if they were both part of a cult...now when I see an ugly couple, I just think "They must be related.".
15/8/03: In Australia, the government sent out fridge magnets to every household containing info on what to do if we ever encountered terrorism. I just reckon the concept of 'terrorism'(in Australia at least) is a elaborate scheme by the fridge magnet industry just to sell more fridge magnets.
16/8/03: McDonald's has single handedly killed off the vegetarian revolution. Those environmentally-aware pot-smoking hippy but groovy vegetarians will turn back into cow-slaughtering savages faster than a cow can spell 'moo'. Previously, people could just have a mouthful of cow flesh, be repulsed, and swear that they'd never eat meat again. Now after one bite of their new Vege Burger, one would have to rinse their mouth with Big Macs and Quarter Pounders just to get that awful taste out ....
17/8/03: WWJD (What would Jesus do?)...if he was trying to pick up a chick?
25/8/03: Definition of Irony #2614:
Hitting yourself in the head with a First Aid kitbox.
29/8/03: I ordered take-away for dinner. When I went to pick it up, the customer before me was refused service because 'the chef was sick'. Well I got my order because I phoned ahead. Now the question was what the chef sick of and how sick was he when he made my food? How infectious was he? Well I had my concerns when I got the food but hey, I paid for it, so I ate it anyways. I dunno what it was but the food tasted extra good. Didn't taste anything particularly phlegmmy or mucoid...
30/8/03: Much as I love the guy, Eminem has released so many songs, one day he'll run out of stuff to rap about. Then he'll get lazy and record something with lyrics that only consist of "Rep rep rep repetition".
1/9/03: Just think of raindrops as the sound of microwave popcorn popping in the bag.
2/9/03: This other day I saw a guy with chains the size you lock up bicycles with and I thought, Wow! This guy must really be afraid of getting his pants stolen. The other end of the chain is attached securely to a key, so there's no way a robber's getting those pants. And stuff keyrings, this dude had enough chains for each individual key.
PS. He also kept grabbing the arse of his pants to prevent them from falling under the weight of so many chains, but thats a story for another day.
30/8/03: Starting your assignments 2 days before it's due instead of the usual 1 day is a sign of growing maturity.
9/9/03: You canot dwell forever on a single glory. The satisfaction of flossing your teeth only lasts for so long.
10/9/03: When I was 3 or 4 years old, I thought death was like being stuck for eternity in the darkness of an elevator shaft (because there was an elevator where I lived when I was little). Yes, I was a very morbid kid...
24/9/03: So it's wrong to pirate music because it robs artists of their rightful income through royalties and stuff. Therefore, I suggest the only music that should be allowed to be pirated is music by artists who are dead. It's a sure way to screw over the music companies while not hurting the little people.
22/10/03: Flossing...it ain't about the teeth. It's about the bacteria! It's the microbiology of it all that excites me! Yeah baby!
23/10/03: Is being flatulent whilst you're nervous a natural instinctive response? It could have started with the aim of repelling predators, and a technique that has been perfected with million years of evolution.
6/11/03: You gotta admire the old ladies who hang out at the bus interchange everyday, trying to get high off the exhaust fumes.
14/11/03: New meal idea for the lazy #3226: Rice with Chicken Twisties.
5/12/03: Why do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where eye-masks?? As a disguise?? Are they afraid of being mistaken for other non-ninja mutant turtles?? Do they reckon it's as effective as the Clark Kent spectacles? It's not like they take the eye-masks off anyways. And it can't just be for colour-coded identification because they're turtles, they should be able to distinguish between different turtle faces.
6/12/03: Rocks = ballistic missiles from God - "Calvin and Hobbes".
15/12/03: Saddam Hussein is using his capture as free publicity to promote his new Christmas album, which he released to spite Christina Aguilera.
25/12/03: Watching the Christmas specials on TV today I've discovered the cause of terrorism. Looney Tunes, especially Wile E. Coyote. All that dynamite, explosives, rocket missiles and what-have-you. With all those impressionable youngsters watching how could they help not becoming a terrorist?? As technology improves and they find a proper way to launch anvils into the air, they will become the new weapons of mass destruction.
30/12/03: Urban camouflage is painting your car in a spotty black, white and putrid green colour so that when a pigeon shits on your car, the blemish will blend in with its background. It will be unnoticed until the handling of the car gets difficult with pounds and pounds of added weight after the shit accumulates. And if the pigeon shits on your windscreen, you're still screwed.
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