To fill you in, I am the most unathletic, inflexible klutz you can imagine. It all started back in pre-school when I earned an unsatisfactory in skipping. Seriously. This summer I discovered I had lost the ability to touch my toes which was the one thing I had actually been capable of. So I "trained" to be able to do it by the time school started. Last Friday I was at a party and someone asked me to touch my toes to see how far I could get. I did it, and I was like,"whoa! I didn't know I could do that!!" An exciting moment for me. Not to mislead you. I may not be physically fit in the conditioned sense, but I am far from fat. I'm told I'm skinny so don't get the picture of me as someone who can't even see her feet.

Somewhere I got the notion that I would join track in high school. Last year we had to run a mile for physical fitness testing, and I ran it without stopping, with a pretty good time. Since I am usually no where near average in anything in gym, I got kind of a high off of this, and started running at a track by my house. I never tried more than a mile.

I think my whole track delusion began in gym of 8th grade. I remember sitting idly in the weight room with my friends. All of them are saying the sports they want to join next year, knowing that they're good enough to get in. I have unathletic friends too, but they all joined band and get the rewards of marching. Me, nothing. Apathetic, athletically challenged, but academically above average. All I wanted was to be good at one thing in gym, just one thing. So I said,"I want to join track next year, but I won't."

That was the first stage. It continued when I began to seek motivation and support. On a school trip, I told my friend who is joining track,"I want to join track. But you have to convince me." From that moment, she kept telling me,"Do track." and telling other people to tell me to do track.

I kept saying,"But I can't." and making excuses. Or, "maybe, I don't know." One day I'd be sure I'd try, and the next I'd refuse. I think my friend has given up on me, and I can't say I blame her. In the beginning of school, I got a phone call from a girl on track, asking me to do cross country. I was not considering cross country, just spring track, but the call scared me. "Two days I've been in school, and already they're after me! How did they find me?" I think I blew it a little out of proportion.

Why do I want to do track? I think the biggest reason is I want to be part of a team. I never really was, except when I was in dance, but that was awhile ago, and it just wasn't the same. I want to look good to colleges, but that's not really why. I want to meet new people and have people meet me. And any person with two working legs can run if they try hard enough. I keep telling myself that. And so, for the last week I have made up my mind to try and get in shape so I can make a decision to do track, or not. But...the track I was running on has been demolished and they're remaking it. But...it's too cold. Excuses. I had my mind made up, until today I actually ran. Let's just say I didn't run far or fast without having to stop, and I ended my trial saying to myself: "That sucked. You suck Jessica, you suck!" A great way to motivate yourself, I know. I've spent the last hour in the Sports Channel of AOL. That's a first.


Forever Always,

© 1999 MCrow44787@aol.com