*please excuse in advance for making no sense*


I keep changing my mind on how to start this. How about..Hey, what's up? Sorry I haven't written in so long, things have been up. That makes no sense. Isn't it weird how a word (up) can be used like that, but not in other ways with the same meaning? What I said is actually very wrong, things have been down lately. If this is your first time reading one of my journal entries, I suggest you read back further, one of another date, because my thinking is not up to it's usual standard.

Don't you think that if you are in denial, you shouldn't know it? You should be denying that you're in denial. Is there a such thing as pre-denial? And would that be what comes before denial, or a denial before a denial? I have the latter, atleast I think so. Although I don't know what I think.

I have been told my Grandma won't make it through tonite. She had a mild heart attack. She can't talk right. And today she doesn't recognize people. Doctors can be wrong. My mother doesn't seem to think so. She's worried that I don't have a black dress, and I am giving myself a manicure. Like I said, denial. Why should I give up?

It's weird waiting. It's like I think, I have to study for my huge Social Studies test tommorrow. And then I think, oh yeah, won't I be hysterical tommorrow? But I don't believe it. And I can't prepare for it.

Just so you know, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I am not asking for your letters, if you really feel the need, sign my guestbook. It's more personal that way because other people might read the e-mail. I just don't want to make myself write this to all my net friends. And I want to write this so I don't need to think about it anymore. So please go...read my other entries. Try two dates back. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings. I wish I could think of something intellectual.



Forever Always,




© 1999 MCrow44787@aol.com