The "Guy-Friends"



Okay, there's something I have to talk about here. It's a rather sensitive subject. It's about the relationships between guys and girls. Not boyfriends and girlfriends, not husbands and wives, not brothers and sisters. I gotta talk about relationships between a girl and her "guy friend". You all know who I'm talking about. It's the guy or guys in every girl's life who she considers to be her "platonic friend". If you are one of these guys, take notes. For I am the Supreme Ruler of the platonic guy friends. Listen up. There is no way in hell she would ever think of even kissing you. You may look into each others eyes, but there's nothing there. At least not from her. If you go in for the kiss with a girl you have been friends with, you will get a face full of hair. Trust me. She practices turning her head to avoid that kiss. She will go down to the batting cages and have baseballs thrown at her head so she can practice her reaction time to avoiding that kiss. Look for any welts on the side of her head. You'll see a few that she missed. If you're getting the hints though, there's not much hope for you. If she talks about other guys all the time...she's not interested in you in any way. She tries to access your feminine side here by telling stories or asking advice about her guys. She's trying to turn you into a woman. Do not let this happen. Stress the fact that you have a dick. She must recognize this fact. Talk about how your testicles hurt. It will symbolically turn on the red light in her mind that lets her know you don't want to hear about her guys. Talking about any encounters you have won't do the trick. Accentuate your dick. Flaunt your manhood. Just do it metaphorically, not physically.
Here's what's really going to get you. She sees you as her guy friends, but thinks you as feminine enough to gossip with, talk to you as though you've known each other since your first year of girl scouts. But, that dick magically makes an appearance on its own when it's time for her to get changed. You didn't even do anything to bring it out. You could be mute, not even have to remind her. You could be sick in bed with the flu and not be too sick to care what she's doing. She will either send you out of the room. Or change in another room.

Girl:You're such a great friend.
Guy:Well, I'm here to help.
Girl:Thank you, you're sweet. Now get the fuck outta my room. I need to change.

And before you know it, you're in the living room for half an hour, looking around at her family's interior decorating. You're like Secret. Girly enough to cry to, but manly enough to send out of the room when it's time to change clothes. Girls see their girlfriends differently than her guy friends. She will go through girlfriends like tissues. Over something so trivial as forgetting to close the door.


Guy:What happened to Jen?
Girl:Can't hang with that bitch.

But she will always keep her platonic male friends around. Why? Cause you never know! Whenever she needs it bad enough, she might call you. MIGHT. To a girl, a platonic male friend is like a dick in a glass case. IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS! I have lots of friends...who are girls. I know where I stand. I kinda got pulled into "the friend zone". With 75% of the girls I am friends with, I have at one point been attracted to them, or more accurately had a crush on them. Then reality sank in and the crush left. I still find them attractive, but there is no pursuit, no wondering, "Hmmm, wonder when we're gonna get together?". Guys, just give it up, and when you hit the friend zone, move on. Find new pursuits. And good luck.