I find it odd how a person can be two different people at the same time. One light, one dark. One good, one evil. One working to better himself, one falling into despair. Odd how one soul can seek to protect others to redeem his own, yet the same soul has done terrible things; hate, hurt people. Odd how one can love and hate the same person at the same time. An ongoing battle between two opposing forces for control of every controlling force there can be. One of these forces has a future, the other does not. In the one that will br around in the future, the can be either success or despair. But we can't let fear in. The green midget had it right. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Or perhaps we're already there. Hmmmm.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Saturday, October 9, 1999. 20:14
Funny how things get put into perspective real quick. Or at least you think they should get put into perspective, when in reality things change only for a second, the world freezes, and the rush of images and feelings overloads the system. I mean, tragedy comes in different forms for all of us. And we all handle it differently. Some handle it better than others, I know I've tried my best to handle what comes around, and so far I've done pretty well. One of the goals in this quest to help others I've engulfed myself in is to be there for others when they need it. But what about when I can't be there. Let's say hypothetically speaking...I'm in Edinburgh and hypothetically speaking...I didn't tell anyone I left and hypothetically speaking...I'm broke as shit. Not much I can do, right? Wrong. No matter where I am, what my situation is, I'll always be there for a friend.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Wednesday, October 20, 1999. 21:36.
I don't believe I just handed over a thousand dollars over to Drexel. Yikes. Oh well, I think I'll be able to manage once I get some more income flowing in. But I did just toss a hundred bucks into some martial arts equipment. I'll try not to dump any more money on any more crap like useless trips up to North Jersey to meet people who don't really want to see you in the first place. No more crap. Except for comics. And....entertainment. Can't forget how much I like...entertainment. And we always have to have money for emergencies, like the car.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Friday, November 5, 1999. 17:10.I guess I could say that I'm operating at about 70% of my default personality. I have three basic personalities: Rock Bottom, Default Stoic, and Top of the World. This year, each personality has had it's equal time of running my life. Each new thing I do or new thing I learn raises my personality level a bit. Each bit of fun, each new skill learned. I learned some new songs on the guitar, some Tom Petty, some STP, some Everclear. That made me feel good. I go to the gym regularly now, that makes me feel good. But I'm brought down when stupid kids rub their brand of bullshit in my face just cause they don't like me. But oh well, they don't know who I am, where I am, when I am, or how I am. Guess I'm just bitter some people are having so much fun while I left everything for a quest or personal redemption and rehabilition. I choose to keep certain things from a lot of people cause words give power. Remember that.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Sunday, November 14, 1999. 14:50
Nothing like a good shower to heal up them cuts. Actually they still hurt like a bastard. Here's a tip of advice kids, never go rock climbing on coral. It's just a bad idea, bad bad bad. I went and made the tiniest miscalculation and now I have some cuts on my hand where coral material might have gotten in and that's just no good. Here we have the term, "coral poisoning". So hopefully my hand won't fall off. I got out just in time as soon as I got home it started raining like a bastard. Soon that pretty much means I'll be inside either in this chair, watching football, or playing nintendo. Sounds fun, eh? Oops...went Canadian there for a minute, gotta keep that in check. I'll be taking some pictures of my current surroundings and activities, so keep checkin in.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Wednesday, November 24, 1999. 14:30.
Day before Thanksgiving. Love to eat Turkey...Love to eat Turkey...no I won't go into the famous Adam Sandler song. If noticed that lots of people have certain stereotypes about people who aren't usually stereotyped. Since being booted out of college, I received the label of being a college dropout. Well I'll tell you what I do to people who think that. I take their stereotype...I shine it up real nice...I turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up their candy ass! Just because a person has some unfortunate incidents happen to them doesn't mean their losers. I can tell you what a loser is, it's...no I won't take that chance. I don't exactly trust this loser to stay honorable, just as they didn't trust me once. Seems I'll be working as a phone operator for awhile. Should be nice work. They say I'll be sitting around a lot. Guess I'll have to invest in a game boy. Anyway, I hope all you faithful readers have a nice Thanksgiving.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.