Sunday, May 28, 2000. 12:13

A few days away from my trip to Orlando. It's gonna suck if I can't get on that flight, after all the trouble I went to to get ready for this reunion. I'm done with subbing for the year, I'll be working the phone company full time starting when I get back from the trip. I'm also getting ready for my classes to start on Tuesday. I got accepted to Kean University. Hopefully I'll get into that school with no problems. Housing is the only problem as of this point. I met some really cool and nice new friends last week. Being down here doesn't suck balls as much as it used to now that I have some people I can relate to and are going through some of the same stuff I am. Another thing is that they're nice girls to get arrested with. You heard me. Got taken in by base security. But it was on some bullshit charge and a few of the cops even admitted the bullshit of it, so I won't be raining down sulfur on too many people. But that doesn't mean I won't have some good pranking with this one cop who was a total dick.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.



Monday, June 12, 2000, 00:39.
After months of being absent from this gig, I've made my return to the overnight gig here at GTMO's phone company. But it's a one night only job, I do the 8am-5pm shift nowadays. Which isn't that bad, but I miss out on the differential pay, which was pretty sweet. My trip to Florida was basically the trip from hell. Everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong, from bus rides to hotel visits. Ask me about that sometime. There's a Mexican cleaning lady out there somewhere who got a a show she did not deserve. I wanna say things have been good, but they've basically sucked again. I'm not sure if the way I am now is "normal" for me or not. It's certainly not a good normal. I mean it would certainly suck if my dark impulses were considered to be the standard and "content with life" Josh was the exception. My darkness shows too, I can't hide it, is there a sign above my head that says Hates Life in big bold letters? I seem to think so. I got pressured into opening up about all of what's floating inside of my head. Like always, it felt like the right thing at the time, and like always I regretted opening my mouth the next morning. I got the same speech this time as I did from the three other people I've confessed eveything to over the past three years. And these kids only got the about 20% of what I've gone through and am going through. Perhaps I'll open up eveything them. If they ask. I'd never just come out and say what's bothering me. One thing's for sure, I've got to do a better fucking job at keeping my feelings hidden.

Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Tuesday, July 11, 2000. 11:26.
Well, it seems this nine month experience in Guantanamo Bay is coming to end. I am no longer a permanent base resident. I am going back to being one of the "college kids", only coming down here for holidays and summers. That was always an interesting life, taking breaks from being here, then coming back to see how things have changed and how people have changed. It's always fun to walk in the door and have the dog go nuts after he hasn't seen me in months. I suppose that in a few weeks I'll rejoice in my return to Jersey, gettin to hang out at John's all the time, having dinner over at all the relatives house, going to the movies all the time. I wonder if I'll get there and just be countingdown to my return to GTMO. Shit, maybe I'll even set up a countdown clock for that on this site. I should probably learn to have better control over myself when it comes to certain activities. They never really pay off, and I seem to get myself into trouble. I also get others into a bit of trouble just by being who I am. I'm not sure who's fault that is, I know it's not all mine, I know it's not all theirs, that's what makes it so confusing. Anyway, the movie of the year that opens this week is for sure to be X-Men. Hugh Jackman will be a star cause of this movie. It looks to kick major portions of ass.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Thursday, July 13, 2000. 23:08
Well, I'm back in New Jersey. Good old New Jersey. It's hot as hell here, I'm sweating my ass off in this oven box trailer. I haven't had a good nights sleep in two nights. Tuesday night I was all nervous about the trip to come. Last night I stayed at a posh Hilton awaiting my flight the next day. I couldn't sleep then because of the two gentlemen in the next room fucking the brains out of a hooker they got. It didn't do much for my self-esteem I must say. What the hell is it that makes people want to have sex around me, but never with me? One of those mysteries I suppose that will go down with Atlantis, Amelia Earhart, and why Canadians put mayonaise on their hamburgers. Got to see John and watch some WWF and also bought $161.00 worth of comic books I missed out one for the past three months. Probably gonna regret that financial decision later. I haven't started missing Cuba yet, though I do wonder what every one is up to, and would like to be with them as long as they appear to be having more fun than I am.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.