Sunday, July 30, 2000. 13:52.
It's been over two weeks since my return to South Jersey. Fun? On a scale of one to ten, I'd rate it at a 5, my trip to the "bowling alley" *wink**wink* on Friday night adding one point. I've been to the movies four times, seeing X-Men twice. Still haven't gotten to see al my friends yet, but the nagging feeling of being homeless when I go to Kean is about to bring panic stage to me. That's priority number one right now, find a place to live so you can be well rested to get that college degree. I feel myself once again being consumed by certain forces who compel me to think a certain way, do certain things, etc. It kinda sucks, I mean it gets on some people's nerves, including mine. Some people don't understand it, some people don't care. Some people care too much that they try to help and make it worse. The source of all these problems? Well, there is no one center of death from which all the bullshit comes from, but there are a few things: money, women, school, work, women, drinking, health, women, life, politics, women. Seems to be a never ending battle as I struggle to maintain my control over dark impulses. I almost snapped the neck of one of my best friends last night. Why? Well, he was annoying me. No other reason. He was annoying me, being a dork, getting on my nerves. Maybe if I was a happier person the thought would have never entered my mind. Maybe if I didn't feel so alone in the world I would have never felt the need to lash out. Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck cares for that matter? Certainly noone around here. Anyway, I guess I should worry more about finding a place to live rather rather than annoying people.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Thursday, August 31, 2000. 00:30.
Damn. What a month. What a month in which my lazy ass didn't even update this thing. Damn. I went down the shore some weeks ago. I'd rate that at about a 8, the sleeping arrangemnets bumping it up from a 7. Even though I hate to admit it, I haven't completely gotten control of all of my bad habits. Nor have I taken a grasp to figure out what I want in the female situation. Should one sacrifice one's values to get a shot at a relationship? Off the top of my head I would say no. And every day I come closer to etching that stand in stone. But I sure will be disappointed. But that's life. I'm working on fixing the scanner so I can post more recent pics and stuff. But first I gotta fix the school situation. Looks like I'll be a Tuesday & Thursday commuter. Can it suck more?
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Tuesday, September 5, 2000. 13:00
I don't really know if I want a job or not. I mean I want money, sure. But I don't look forward to goin back to Target and I'd rather just have a job where I can be and dress as myself. I applied for this job at the Halloween store at the mall yesterday. The people there seemed cool. I'll give them till next Wednesday to call me before I offically go crawling back to Target. Haven't had too much goin on in the fun department. WWF Unforgiven is in less than three weeks, that seems to be the ultimate event in fun for me in the whole year. Hopefully they'll put on a good show. I have some money to pay off at Blockbuster video, guess maybe I should get around to doin that, and doin school shopping, and other stuff. In 48 hours I'll be back in college, on my way to getting it over with. Let's see if I can actually go two terms in the same school. Should be a record for me. I saw a whole lot of movies this week. The Cell, and Whipped stand out above them all. Go see that shit.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Sunday, September 10, 2000. 01:02
I stayed in tonight, a Saturday night. Why? I dunno. Do I regret it? I don't think so. This is a mellow weekend. We all need mellow weekends. Next weekend is shaping up to be big, and the one after that is WWF Unforgiven. How cool is that? I made some important decisions about life this week, concerning the people in my life, and the directions I take my life towards. I started classes at Kean University on Thursday. It's spelled K-E-A-N and I pronounced it "Keen" but it's actually pronounced, "Kane". As in Kane, the Big Red Monster. So I can say I go to Big Red Monster University. Very cool. I'm getting my new computer soon, probably at the end of this week. I think what I'll do is hook up the camera and set up some kinda thing with this website. That's right, you heard it here first, this website will soon be a webcam site. Get ready for the next level.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Thursday, September 21, 2000. 14:40
I still haven't gotten my bloody new computer from the shipment I had sent up from Cuba. What a drag. But, only three more days till Unforgiven, the WWF PPV that I have been planning to go to for months now. It's an eight person crew that's going so that should be good. School is interesting, I still don't feel like anything's changed in the college institution since I got booted out last year. Also I hope to be working again by the next time I update this, but who knows if that will actualy happen, certain factors and choices I've made might affect it, then I will be up shit's creek for sure. One thing I hate about school is that I'm not the only one in it. Not at my school, but at others. Kinda bumming me out that so many other people have gone back to school and are still workin and I rarely get to see a damn soul. Oh well, that's life I guess. I gotta say, the movie to rent is High Fidelity, starring John Cusack. It's a movie we all could relate to and Cusack does a great job but it's Jack Black who steals the movie. Rent it. Anyway, wish me luck with all the shit goin on.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Wednesday, September 27, 2000. 01:21
Hi, this is good, nice Josh, excuse me for a minute but,