Sunday, March 18, 2001. 12:00.
Halfway done spring term at Kean. It's even time to register for fall and get room selection done. I gotta say I've had load of fun weekends. Been hittin places like Top Dog, TGIFridays, Houlihans and various places to party. Just seems like now something is missing, like something doesn't quite fall into place. I can't quite put my finger on it. Some people have approached me with saying this and that about certain people and certain things in my life. It got me thinking. Got me thinking about how I should live and progress over the next two weeks. It wasn't a hard decision to come to. I gave myself last night as my final test to see how I should go about things. It didn't change my mind any, I will proceed as planned. I have 7 weeks till I go back to Cuba. I wonder if anything will change between now and then. Probably not. I wonder if Cuba will be as good this summer as it was last summer and this past xmas. I hope so. I will be working and taking some summer classes. That will help move things along and then I can breathe easier. There are several things which are approaching that I look forward to. Wrestlemania, New York trip, and Smackdown are among some nice things approaching in my life next month in April. Oh yeah, and my birthday but whoopty-shit.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Wednesday, March 21, 2001. 16:15.
Damn, what a rut I'm in. I cut my last two classes cause I just don't feel like fuckin goin. Not that I don't like the class, I just don't wanna deal with it right now. I don't know how I got this way, only that I know I been like this since Sunday afternoon. I haven't had a good night's sleep since I been back. I think I been losing some weight too. That's bound to happen when my diet is one TV dinner and a can of spaghettio's a day. Maybe I'm just reverting to the way I was awhile back. That can't be good though. I realize I have certain urges that I haven't had in about two years. But as I'm older, they are easier to control. The worst I been now is makin late evening trips to the liquor store down the street. I've also poured myself into physical conditioning, cause that usually gives me somethin to do. They are right when they say exercise is good for the soul. Wait, this jackass just came into the lab room in is blurting about school elections. I could really give a shit. I want internet access in my room, but will that happen? Nooooo! I want some more fast food like Wendy's or Sbarro on campus like they had at UCF but will that happen? Nooooo! I should put this guy in the Walls of Jericho, hold on.........man it's nice to hear a frat boy squeal. Ok, back to my thoughts. I been here before, I'll probably hit rock bottom again, and then come back up. I always do.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Tuesday, April 3, 2001. 23:16.
Only got a month left to go here with spring term at Kean University. One month doesn't last too long. I think I can make it. Got some papers and some tests. I need to have my own room again, sometimes roommate life can get to me. The things I gotta do for a college degree. It's been a rough couple of days last week. But Wrestlemania proved to be an enjoyable experience, complete with pizza, wings, and soda. Still can't believe the outcome. And today I went into New York City to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for my cultures class. That actually went better than I expected, I had a good time and came out of it with some friends. But it seems like dark days are ahead. I feel myself walking towards being the person I don't want to be. This weekend will be my first major test of whether or not I can control this darker nature. There's a situation that will test my ability to stay good. I will try to stay out of it but if I am pulled into it, I might lose it on someone...a friend actually. I don't want that to happen. Which is why I hope I can soon escape to Cuba where I can put a lot of this stuff behind me and allow everything and everyone to run their course without my influence. Should be interesting.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Saturday, April 14, 2001. 11:21.
You know those old spoof movies, "Saturday the 14th"? How Friday the 13th is supposed to be bad but Saturday the 14th is supposed to be worse? Well I've only been up for 25 minutes and I'm already afraid that today will be one pile of shit. Yesterday wasn't really a picnic either. Here's a tip, if you're trotting through the Deptford Mall, don't take the Mountain Dew taste test. They're making this Mountain Dew Energy Drink and doin surveys on it. You take the survey you get a five dollar gift certificate to the mall. I don't know if it was worth it or not after the feeling I got. Oh yeah, this past Monday my car broke down on the Garden State Parkway and I had to get it towed back to Turnersville Transmission where it sits now. This was after sitting in my car on the hottest day of the year so far for three hours. Back to last night though. I went to the movies and saw Someone Like You. It had such and obvious theme: Men Bad, Women Good. Then we went to TGIFriday's. Which I usually love. But I didn't this time. Nuff said. So now time is winding down. Got finals comin up, and my trip back down to Cuba is approaching. My healing trip. A trip from when I return I will be back to my original self and I can get back into all the things that make me "Josh". Which I'm lacking in right now. Stuff sucks right now and a few months home should fix it.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Wednesday, April 25, 2001. 13:30.
Another year, another birthday. So I'm 22 now. Been 22 for about 13 hours. Hard to believe I was just a lad of 18 when I started this web page. Tryin to think back on al the stuff I can say I did when I was 21. There was meeting the girls in Cuba, the WT Sampson reunion in Orlando, Ozzfest, meeting Willie Tyler and starting at Kean University. Wonder what will happen in my 22nd year. Don't know, don't care at this point. My mind is on other things right now. Finals time. My grade in Constitutional Law might take a dive. Dr. Israel seems to have a heart attack everytime he reads our papers. The old bastard needs to work on his people skills, honestly. I talked to my friend Jessica from Cuba recently. She'll be down there for a month, which is good because she likes the movies like I do. So far she is the only college kid I got who is confirmed to return. There's still this hole in me that needs to be filled though. i can't quite explain it now. Maybe it's cause of school, mayeb it's cause my mind is on this girl who is sick. Maybe It's cause I got lit up last night and I have a hangover. Oh well. My car is running ok now, but I got the feeling somethin is gonna get botched with that and I'll be stranded once again. That will piss me off, I only need it another ten days. Time's tickin down now, only a matter of time until I go back to being "Gtmo Josh".
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.