Friday, June 26, 1998. 18:34.
What's new? Oh wait, that's your line. Well, I started work at Target yesterday, quite an experience. I can't feel my arms. I'm typing this with telekinetic energy. I broke open open boxes with my bare hands yesterday. Yeah, you're sayin, "whoopty-shit, that's no big deal". Well try doin 40 boxes asshole. And lift shit all day. And do it while going two days without eating. I thought so. The people I work for are cool, but the people I work with have some attitude. Oh well. Today I pushed about 400 carts out in front of Target in the blazing 100 degree heat. Ride by Taregt and you'll see a big ass load of carts. I put 'em there. In the blazing, anger of God, 100 degree heat. Then I died, came back to life, and put knobs on the shelves. An interesting experience if I must say.
However, I contemplated many questions regarding my life and its direction last night. Sometimes I try and follow the current events to see what the future might hold. I did not like the way things look to turn out, as I'm sure you can imagine. I feel as if I don't even know my place in this world anymore. It doesn't matter much where I belong, but with who. I notice things about the people I associate myself with. And there is one giant difference between myself and all of my friends except two. What that difference is I can not say, cause I don't wanna stir up too much shit at once. Actually, I just realized this last night, so I haven't even gotten to discuss it with anyone. I began to wonder if this is the reason why people sometimes shut me out or exclude me, and why I feel so isolated and different from all of them. A new thing to think about I must say. But it is a dangerous thing to think about. Last night I thought about it too much and ended up smoking five cigarettes in an hour. (Don't smoke by the way, it's bad for you, a public service announcement from some schmuck who lives in a trailer). I will have to make a descision as to what path I shall take now that I've gotten this theory in my head. I do feel myself regressing into my former state every now and then though, that is not good. Hopefully soon I can talk about these new feelings on here when I am comfortable. The reason I have to hide them is that it will most likely either offend people, or have them think I am stupid, which I know I am not.
Didn't mean to bother anyone, just had to get that off my chest.

Monday, June 29, 1998. 19:21. Life is very confusing most of the time. I hate it. On Earth, the most variety of life exists in the oceans. Think of my mind as the ocean, and all of the different kinds of life represent all the emotions and thoughts goin on in my mind. That's way too much shit to have in there. Like an explorer, I have no idea what part of my life or my mind to explore next. I hate that too, but it's time I try again to find out who I am.
Didn't mean to bother anyone, just had to get that off my chest.

Wednesday, July 1, 1998. 22:30.
Well, I have now officially been here back in South Jersey for two months. Has it been a good two months? Yes. Has it been a bad two months? Yes. I got the whole ups and downs things goin I guess. So in Dave Letterman style, I will deliver both the Top 5 Best and Worst Days of my first two months back in South Jersey, but I can't explain any of the days on this, if you really wanna know what I did on those days, just ask or somethin.
Top 5 Best Days
1st= June 28th. 2nd= June 5th. 3rd= May 23rd. 4th= June 8th. 5th= May 20th.
Top 5 Worst Days
1st= June 28th. 2nd= June 29th. 3rd= May 8th. 4th= May 24th. 5th= June 9th.
Funny how the best and worst days are the same goddamn day? Well, all I can say is that a lot can change in one day. Good one second, bad the same second. Life's a bitch like that. Messes with you. Like to play evil games. Quite a pain in the ass it is. But what can I do? Right now, the only thing I can do is complain about it. Change is easier said than done, as I'm sure most of you know.
Didn't mean to bother anyone, just had to get that off my chest.

Monday, July 6, 1998. 15:26.
Well, it seems that now I know where I stand in life. It only takes one person to make me rethink my whole place in life, and that's what happened. Because of one, I now believe that there is no one out there whom I can trust. Kinda sucks, doesn't it? At least I don't have to wonder what the deal is anymore. It's safer anyway to not trust people. Anybody agree? If you were the person who everybody looked down upon, I'm sure you would agree. Sooooooooo, I'll just stay outta sight for awhile, contemplating my next step in life. Should prove to be interesting.
Didn't mean to bother anyone, just had to get that off my chest.

Friday, July 10, 1998. 22:03.
I take this opportunity to pay respect to a fellow classmate of mine who has moved on to the next world, the next adventure. Dave Myers was a fellow member of Washington Township class of 1997. He died yesterday at his home in Williamstown. He was a student at Gloucester County College and served in the National Guard. In high school he was on the track team at served on the JROTC. Last I heard, he was doin okay. I didn't know Dave personally, talked to him less than five times in high school, he helped me out a bit with the e-mail list I did. But he was one of those guys who I know who he was and he knew who I was. I always thought of him as an okay guy, and that's how I will remember him. During this time, our thoughts and prayers should be with Dave's loved ones.
Take it easy Dave, have fun up there.
Monday, July 20, 1998. 22:57.
What can I say about life? Most confusing it is. I like how it plays with you, giving you little things to think about. Case in point: I go away for the weekend to John's shore place. On Saturday, I break my arm. Yep, broken. I fell off a picnic table that I was trying to get over. No, I wasn't drunk. But the thing is I wasn't wearing my watch that was given to me after my grandfather died. Coincidence? I don't know. But after I got back and put the watch on, the cast came off and I have regained approximately 60% mobility in the arm. Most odd it is. What else went down? Let's see, made some new friends over the past few weeks, got tatooed, (yep), and I'm rollin in the money at work. I don't wanna say things are good, cause then things will suck, but actually, things suck now, I mean I have a broken arm.
Didn't mean to bother anyone, just had to get that off my chest.