Tis the season. Other than the obvious Christmas, tis the season for a lotta things. Been workin my ass off at Target so that you people can do all your shopping for whoever you give a damn about. Black Friday was exciting for me, all the people running about. People actually ran from the doors back to the toy section. Sad, isn't it? Anyway, that night, my mom was robbed of her wedding ring and engagement ring. I could have been there if I had taken a left turn instead of a right. Who knows what might have happened or how things might have been different? All I know is, I am pissed at how things turned out. I should let you know that weird things have been happening. I'm finding my psychic abilities coming and going like the wind. Mostly something will show up in my dreams and then it will show up in some way in real life. I had some weird vision where I was "Scrooged". I was seeing how different my life was over the past year, how it is now, how other people view me. Then I saw what life might be like if I didn't try to change some things, and undo some of the things that were done. Like I said, just another weird-ass dream, but it got me thinking. I'm not jumping into anything, but I am just trying things to see what could help. Let's see what works and what doesn't.
Didn't mean to bother anybody with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Monday, December 21, 1998. 20:52.
So I'm still in Cuba. It's a good place to think about life and to gain more insight on what one needs to do to put one's life on track. I tried to do that today, over the course of the weekend things happened where I thought my life would go in one direction. A direction it used to be travelling in before. Today I grabbed ahold of the reins and said, "Dude, don't go in that direction, there's nothing there." So life is not goin that way for me, I won't let it. It sucks that I had to go on 4 mile hike for two hours in 90 degree heat to gain that insight. But I am better for it and perhaps the burns on my chest and the blisters on my feet will remind me to keep my life away from that direction. I should say that this is not a life altering decision, not like I'm resolving to go Straight Edge, just gonna be like, "I'm not gonna think that way anymore."
Didn't mean to bother anybody with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Tuesday, December 29, 1998. 22:32. Well guess what? Who's that Spartan who should have gotten out of Cuba today whose flight was cancelled now all he has are the clothes on his back and a CD Player and everyone is getting on his nerves and he's probably going to end up spending New Year's Eve in a hotel room drinking Zima with the other psychos who have nothing to do and come back with no story while everyone else has great New Year's Eve stories and I have shit? It's me! It's Me! Can life suck any more for me?
Didn't mean to bother anybody with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Monday, January 4, 1999. 19:39.
It's the new year. With the new year, comes new years resolutions. I have mine.
Resolution #1: To continue to be the "nice guy" you all say I am.
Resolution #2: To get that "great girl" you all say I deserve.
Resolution #3: To save the world when necessary.
Somethin I gotta say about Resolution #2. So many people always go, "Don't give up. You deserve a great girl Josh." Now there's always somethin added on to this when certain people say it. When guys tell me this, it's pretty much the sincere real deal. But when girls say it, it's a little different. There's a few words at the end that girls say in a frequency guys can't hear.
What they say
"You deserve a great girl Josh."
What they really mean
"You deserve a great girl Josh......just not me.
Guys, how many times have you gotten that? Don't all thank me at once for uncovering that little known secret. I was doing some reading on the subject and I came up with some interesting things. Girls are mostly very clear about what kinda guys they like. They like guys who are cool, edgy, sophisticated and hot. Is it any wonder guys have it worse than girls? A girl can be average and get a guy. Any girl can get a guy if she really wants one. But a guy has to have it all. Girls want everything, but guess what? THEY FUCKING CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING! Girls always complain that there are no guys around. Shit, there are plenty of guys. The problem is that they always go after the same guys. Ninety percent of the girls get with ten percent of the guys. You get what I'm saying? You girls all want to get with the same guys! Meanwhile, us nice guys aren't getting shit. We're just waiting around wondering, "When am I gonna get a chance?" All women want the hot go-getter. The conqueror. But after he's made the conquest they get mad because he won't stick around. Hey, he's gotta go get with the ninety percent! As soon as that "Mr. Wonderful"" moves on, she's on the phone with her girlfriends wanting to know why all guys are "so full of shit" It's not all men, just that ten percent who are good enough to get with the ninety percent. So what I'm saying here is girls, lighten up. Everything you do has an effect on every guy you know. Think before you act. Happy New Year.
Didn't mean to bother anybody with this, just had to get that off my chest.
Tuesday, January 12, 1999. 00:07.
I'm continuing to experience more disenchantment with my life. I actually tried to talk to someone who is supposed to be trained to deal with my brand of bullshit. Well, that didn't feel to good. I barely got to talk about half the shit I needed to before they could spout off some psychobabble. I'm getting the feeling that people will be saying, "Haven't heard from Josh in awhile" in the future. I'm a pretty good detector of bullshit and I can predict where I'll stand with everyone in the months to come.
Didn't mean to bother anybody with this, just had to get that off my chest.