BUTTERMAN's trek to London, Ontario


Getting to the the THING-Fest 2001

Getting The Butter-Ar*e Down To London

Ontario, that is!

Thursday Morning, 4:00 a. m.
Yes, at 4:30am, on Thursday July 26 2001, my alarm watch goes off in the pitch blackness of the early morning sky. My lovely Gwen is still sound asleep next to me. I get up, both eyes in the same slot, covered in what only be described as "night gunk". I take a shower. I go on the internet, to check my email; see if Todd has emailed me any change in our plans. Everything seems perfect: My back pack is ready, I have more than enough doohickies to survive the time I'm away; clean underwear, pillow, sleeping bag, toothbrush, train tickets... where are the darn train tickets? It's closing in on five past five on the AM, and I'm rumaging through the kitchen table's mountain of enveloppes and papers looking for my tickets. No luck. I begin to panic. I still didn't eat and I am still not dressed. Finally the darn white enveloppe just mysteriously appears in front of me. I put the tickets in the safest place I know... use your imagination... but not too much!

It's about 15 past 5 AM now, and I just kissed a still-half-asleep slumbering Gwen goodbye. In about an hour or so, she'll be waking up to go to work. I'm walking in the dead quiet streets of my already very quiet neighborhood. After a quick stop at the cash machine, I head towards to Du College metro station. A strange looking guy is skulking around the opening of the subway station. From way across the street, our eyes meet, and he then moves away from the subway's entrance. He probably knows I mean buisness, and won't take shit from no one at this point. It's 5:25 and here comes the very first subway of the day; it is already getting packed with ugly and smelly folk probably going to work, or coming back from it. I try to sleep for the ride, since it is a good 30 minutes to the train station, but I cannot seem to keep my eyes closed for more than 10 seconds at a time. I need sleep, but it appears now is not the time.

Waiting For The Train, 6:00am
Coming on to 6AM, I am standing in line for the 6:25am train from Montreal to Toronto. I am, believe it or not, the third lucky economy passenger in line, so I am garanteed a nice seat. At 6:10am, the Via folk board the families and old people first. Then it's us "regular" people who are allowed to find a seat. I use the term "regular" because that's how they make us feel, when seperating us from the families and older- age groups. Anyway, I find myself a nice seat not too far from the restroom, leaving the 4-seaters for the smaller groups. I take out my illow and beginf trying to find a semi-comfortable pose in which to try to sleep for the next 7 or so hours. The place begins to fill up slowly.

Now usually, because of the way I look, people tend to either stay clear of me, or try to stay real close to me. Go figure! I noticed some older folks stay far from the Butterman, while younger teens and 20 something slackers tend to orbit closer to the Butterman. Why's that you ask? I wish I knew; I would rather see the slackers stay as far away from me as possible!

Leaving The Montreal Station
So, before the whole train is filled up, I get semi-surrounded by the type of people I usually don't like: a fresh "in"-trying to look young guy with glasses and long hair, complete with a clean white shirt, clean pants, and portable PC vinyl case sits down right in front of me. He's not settled in that I already can smell his perfume. My first thought is "Great, I'm stuck with Stinky for 7 hours... he must be French". Then, some guy sits right in back of me. I call this one noisy because of all the banging he's doing; banging his baggages, banging up on the seats, banging whatever he can get his paws on. Even reading a paper becomes noisy with the guy; changing the pages like he's got a personnal vendetta against the printers or something.

Oddly enough, the seat next to me remains unused when the train leaves the station en route for Toronto. Starnge, since I was told the train was filled up; I was the lucky last guy to purchase a ticket!

The Long Ride Begings (part 1 of 4)
Fifteen (15) minutes later, the train makes its first stop at the other Montreal station, the Dorval Airport station. Now I get it; this is where the rest of the ticket holders board! It doesn't take two minutes before a nice, yet strict-looking asian man asks me if the seat next to me is taken. I'm not really the talkative type at all, so I nod a "no" with my head, before putting it back in the pillow.

The ride to Toronto has about 4 or 5 other stops along the way. Being the anti-social that I am, I try to limit my contact with human life forms on the way. But here's where the action begins: Noisy in back of me is actually getting quiet. Instead of banging things up, he appears to be talking to someone. That's good. The Asian man has a vibrating/ beeping cell phone combo that goes off every 15 minutes or so. The thing vibrates so much that when it goes off, I can also feel it on my seat! He answers and talks/argues (hard to tell) in his native tongue for a few moments, and then hangs up. It's getting hard to try to sleep with this guy doing his thing. Stinky in front also has a cell phone. He calls someone up, and guess what? He IS French! This explains why he showered in perfume before coming here.

The Transfer At Toronto
I guess I must have slept a bit because eventually, we all did get off at the Toronto Union station, where my other train to London is leaving in about one hour. I get in line behind a woman and her two young sons. I ask her if she could keep her eyes on my back pack while I have to get rid of nature's calling. When I return to the line, there are now 30 or so people in the back of me. Then a guy comes up to me and the lady in front of me telling us we're not in the right line. The correct waiting line is already filled up with about a hundred or so people. So I go at the end of the line, and place myself right behind a woman and her very cute daughter, who was wearing a very tasteful, yet still rather sexy, tight jean-type outfit. Grrrrr! I can't help bu notice the amount of very good looking ladies in this train stations. Many blondes, wearing very light and tight clothing, waiting for their trains with either their families or loser boyfriends. Thank Dog I am faithful to Gwen!

The Long Ride Continues (part 2 of 4)
Finally boarding begins. I'm all f*cked up at this point; I'm hungry and sore, and pretty tired still (YOU try sleeping on an economy class train). I'm thinking "there won't be enough seats for all of us!", but I realise there are more than one train carts reserved for us! Luckilly, I actually get to be one of the first in our wagon. I take the same seat I had in the previous train, and again pull out the pillow. This is where the weird part begins. Closing in on the departure time, the train doesn't fill up at all. There's a total of about 10 people in the whole cart! This is great, I think, since less people mean less noise, meaning I will be able to catch some sleep!

Wouldn't you know it. Moments before the train leaves the atation, a couple of asians sit in the two-seater right next to me! I don't really look at them, because I wouldn't want them to look at me. Then, a tall guy sits right in front of me! What is this? It appears I do attract people even if I hate them! Go figure.

The Asian "Baby" Girl Situation
Minutes after the train leaves, I hear a baby's voice next to me, talking in an asian language. OK, so that Asian couple next to me must be a father and his daughter. But she looks rather big for a baby off the corner of my eyes... So I descide to look at her. She's no baby, she's at the very least 16 years old, if not older! But her voice is that of an 8 year old! Plus, she was wearing a kids' T-Shirt, adding to the already apparent teen/pedophile fetish the guy must have. I was actually freaking out over the girl's voice; it really sounded like a very young child! Maybe the guy has a thing for young girls and requests his girlfriend to look and act (and talk) underage. Oh well, not being into the teen look myself, all I can say is "To Each Their Own"!

The ride was rather quiet. I bought a turkey on a bagel bun to help relieve my hunger, and it wasn't just delicious, it was also fresh! Chalk up an extra point for train food! Finally, the big moment arrives: we are coming to the London station in 5 minutes! I pack up my pillow and reading material, and get off the train...

Butterman In London... it begins! As I make my way across the London station, checking out all the 20- something males, trying to identify Todd, I begin to feel nervous and anxious... Todd is nowhere to be found! I walk around a bit, going outside to look in the street (like that's gonna do any good!). Finally, Todd appears out of he blue with his broher Blair. Todd is a very warm and compassionate idividual, who looks much better in person than in pictures. I was just so happy not to be stood up in a strange town!

Todd and Blair walk me to the car, where Moon Todd's girlfriend, is waiting patiently. Moon is also very warm and compassionate, and is a very nice person to be around. Actually, the very first impressions I got from these two is that they are very good people who just have good vibes. They feel real, no BS, very cool and laid-back people who are very tuned-in to other people's needs. Empathic, I would say. Anyway, the point being that I was just so very happy to meet these people who are so nice... In every sense of the word!

Trekking across town and beyond!
Todd informs me they have a few errands to run before geting ready for the event. Showing time has changed from 22:30 (10:30PM) to 23:30 (11:30PM). It doesn't really matter, I think. We begin by picking up a few photocopies of a small poster artwork designed by Blair at a store called Staples which is the exact equivalent of Quebec's Bureau En Gros. Blair's mini poster for the THING-FEST, 2001 edition is basic, but captures more than enough energy and substance required for our little private screening. Then we go to a sports-store for clothes (??? I don't get it either, but...); Miranda wants Todd to get new shoes while Blair would look good in an Aztec-flavored shirt. Then we went to Loblaw's; Todd informs me that this Loblaw's in London is actually the biggest one in Canada. Whoopie! Who really gives a hoot? All I know is that I'm having a blast with these very fine people who make me feel at home even in a far-away city.

While shopping in the super store, Todd and I discuss as few " Things" about tonight's screening. Todd really knows his stuff, taking the time and effort to make sure there will be as little unpredictable elements as possible.

Seeing The Sanctuary
After all the fun and games of trekking around a few stores in the city, we all return to Todd and Miranda's appartment. The first thing you see when you enter the front door of their pad is three full-sized, original posters for THE THING, as well as one for the 1951 Howard Hawkes/ Christian Nyby "original", and one poster for the original "Don A. Stuart" novella "Who Goes There?". Todd informs me this is just the beginning. Before he unveils his "Thing" collection, I notice the appartment has a multitude of shark-related memorabilia; shark statuettes, shark pictures, shark bottle openers, etc... Todd is also a shark lover (as I am), except he actually did dive with shark once, and plans to do so again when $$$ permits. Myself, I am too much of a wimp to dive with the sea's most perfect hunters. Even behind a cage, I think I'd die of a heart attack.

After eating a few chips and drinks (water and ice tea... the best on hot summer days!), Todd unlocks the door to a small closet-type room, revealing GASP! his incredibly fascinating collection on "The Thing". First are the basics, such as all three prints of the novel by Alan Dean Foster, the hardcover book, the McFarlane action figures, an orginal usher's pin from 1982, etc... But Todd's collection is made impressive and unique by the incredibly hard-to-find stuff relating to the greatest movie ever put to film. Old back issues of "Fangoria" and other magazines, a 1982 special re-print of the "Who Goes There?" novella, a collector's card from France with storyboard images, an original movie program given to the cast and crew during the first screening, a Universal Pictures 1982 invite for "The Thing", and so much more.

Perhaps the more stimulating items in his collection, according to my own selfish self, are the crew jacket made for actor Thomas Waites (who played the character of Windows in the film), and a unique scrapbook which includes drawings/storyboards of the various creature appearances throughout the film. These drawings were made by, I think, none other than Mike Ploog. There is a ton of detailed drawings in there, enough to make any fan of the movie faint. There's alot of the cut sequences featured in the scrapbook too. Todd informed me that there were only three of these scrapbooks made around the movie set. Talk about a true Collector's Item! Another funky little number is a two poster set, each sheet being cut-friendly to separate the eight pictures into individual lobby cards. These cards/posters are from Germany and read "Das Ding". What really grabbed my attention were the pictures themselves, not being the typical photos usually promoted. The uality is also amazing; near mint as far as we can tell. I could go on and on about Todd's collection, but I am sure he'll be more than happy to give you all the details himself.

Waiting For The Crew
Todd informs me that people are scheduled to show up before the screening, and that we're all going to go out to eat, which is good because my turkey sandwhich is pretty far away, now! Todd is nice enough to let me use his shower for a few minutes (I've been up and sweating for close to 14 hours now!), and after that, people start coming in. Steve, a 38 year old fan of older Sci-Fi / Horror movies who actually saw "The Thing" in theatres when it came out in 1982. Next is Paul and his girlfriend. After everyone arrives, we all talk for a bit, gawk at Todd's collection, eat up Moon's bread and dip combo (man, that was good stuff!). Finally, after seeing how I was starving, we move out to eat supper, since we have many hours to kill before the screening.

We head off to East Side Mario's, where I ate a very good and huge burger with onions and bacon. This is the part where I began to freak out; I had not rented a hotel room (I didn't see any around), and we had not discussed my crashing anywhere with anyone. Todd also warned me that since the incident with an internet hacker, Miranda was very suspicious of EVERYONE he met via the net. I can understand that. I was ready to do a blood test to proove I really was who I said I was! So, eating up like a pig and stressing over my later hours' outcome, I didn't talk much with the crew. I guess I was busy imagining myself fighting off bums at the train station at 4am!!!

Getting Ready For The Main Event
After supper, we all head back to Todd and Miranda's pad for last minute preparations. Paul's girlfriend can't join us, so we all part ways. Back at Todd's, I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. Remember that I've been "up" for 17 or so hours, only sleeping minutes at a time in the train. Todd mentions we should bring our own snacks to the showing, so we descide to stop at a convenience store next to their pad where I purchase myself a coffee to stay awake for the next 2 or 3 hours. It worked! By the time I was in the car going to the "big screen", I felt wide awake!

We arrived at the designated area for our very first big screen showing of THING-FEST 2001, part 1... While Paul, Steve, Blair, and Miranda were in a good mood, Todd and myself kept looking at each other with that look in our eyes saying "This Is IT, Man", and "It Is Finally Here". Remember than Todd and I (as well as everybody else except Steve) have never seen the film on big screen before, only on video/DVD and Television. It begins...

The THING-FEST 2001 evening

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