* Finally you can eat dinner at 4:00

* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

* Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

* It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

* If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

* Your eyes won't get much worse.

* Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.

* Things you buy now won't wear out.

* No one expects you to run into a burning building.

* There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

* Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

* In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.