At a Santa Fe gas station:
      "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant:
      "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
      "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."
        --Sisters of Mercy

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
      "38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
      "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward:
      "No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore:
      "We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company:
      "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building:
      "Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home:
      "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop:
      "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.."

At a number of military bases:
      "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
      "Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
      "Don't kill your wife.  Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor:
      "Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store:
     "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
      "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee:
      "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop:
      "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store:
      "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant:
      "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage:
      "Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a New England church:
      "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
      "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a roller coaster:
      "Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school:
      "No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway:
      "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
      "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

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