If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite
criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card
tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until
you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in
full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is
required on it.
The hardness of the butter is inversely proportional
to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional
to the difficulty of the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is
plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it
is often necessary to rise above your principles
Two wrongs are only
the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to
drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no
lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your
life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch
up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If
you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
Change is inevitable....except from vending
machines.
Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
A
fool and his money are soon partying.
Money can't buy love. But it CAN
rent a very close imitation.
Plan to be spontaneous
tomorrow.
Always try to be modest. And be proud of it!
If you
think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
How
many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....
Attempt to get
a new car for your spouse-it'll be a great trade!
Drugs may lead to
nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel
Peace Prize.
Everybody repeat after me....."We are all
individuals."
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Don't be
sexist; broads hate that!
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real
eye-opener.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman
scorned.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off
now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet
engines.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it
back.
Beware of geeks bearing gifts.
Half the people you know
are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad
name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A
conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so
good.
And finally....
If at first you
don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you...
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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