In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an
apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark,
which the animals came on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt
by day, but a ball of fire by night.
MOSES
Moses led the
Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread
without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the
dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten
Commandments.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua
led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
THE JEWS
The Jews
were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the
unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led
astry by a Jezebel-like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with
the axe of the Apostles.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
The first
commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The fifth
commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
The seventh
commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. I'm sorry I've run out of time
I have to go to Little League.
KING DAVID
David was a Hebrew
king skilled at playing the liar (similar to leaders today). He fought with
the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical
times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700
porcupines.
MARY, MOTHER OF JESUS
When Mary heard that she was
the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise
guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was
born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John, the blacksmith,
dumped water on his head. He was then reborn.
Jesus enunciated the
Golden Rule, which says to do one to others, before they do one to you. He
also explained, "A man doth not live by sweat alone."
It was a miracle
when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the
entrance. The people who followed the Lord were called the twelve
decibels.
THE EPISTLES
The epistles were the wives of the
apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was also a
taximan.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son
to stand still and he obeyed him.
St. Paul then cavorted to
Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for
marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called
monotony.
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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