NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and
John go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat
Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT
When the bill
arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's
only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will
actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come
the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he
wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't
want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would
not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has
the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they
love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A
woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries
about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is
one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting
he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go
shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book,
get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings,
funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments
and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and
dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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