if he uses his lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer

if he says "these are not the beers you're looking for"

if that "Disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans and spare ribs

if the inside of the house looks more like Dagobah than the outside

if he calls his young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)"

if he ever uses telekinesis to pull his jeans up

if the Force isn't the only thing that runs in the family

if he calls Hank Williams Jr."master"

if his landspeeder has a gun rack

if he meditiates to old CCR records

if he calls Yoda his Li'l green buddy.

if he has ever said, "Anger... fear...aggression... Yankees... the dark side are they."

if his X-Wing has a still in it

if his lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base

if there is more oil in his robes than in his astromech droid

if his robes have the Golden Flour label on them

if he trim his beard and finds a Mynock

if he has ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill

if he uses Jawas for a drink holder

if he fights with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other

if he uses a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck

if he uses his Jedi healing powers to clear up his VD

if he thinks the best use of your light saber is picking his teeth

if he ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because he had to spit.

if his Jedi robe is Camouflage colored

if at least one wing of his X-Wing is primer colored

if he can easily describe the taste of an Ewok

if he can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks

if he think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets

if he has ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling

if his father ever said to him, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

if he's ever had his R-2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light

if he jump-starts his lightsaber off a car battery

if he beat the Gamorrean Guard in an "Ugly" contest

if his father's name is Garth Vader

if he got his lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids

if he’s ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin at his sister

if he constantly mistakes R2 units for beer kegs

if he counts B. O. as a Jedi power

if he's ever used a light saber to skin a deer

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