Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You,
bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been
outside? Know what day of the week it is?
Your name was given to us by
a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At
Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help. We're a non-profit society of
recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through
weekly meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.
We
feature a twelve step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions.
Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly
can recover.
We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you
are an addict. Do you:
1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by
your terminal?
2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
3) Spend
more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
4) Surf aimlessly with no
direction, if only to be online?
5) Leave your name and information at
countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company
you'll never do business with anyway?
6) Log on before important personal
habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
7) Have
red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
8) Spend hours
online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your
carpal tunnel syndrome?
9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV
box?
10) All of the above?
If you answered yes to four or more
questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at
Internetaholics Anonymous at: 1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETESSAKE.
We're here,
we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission
that you have a problem. Call us today. If you can power off to free up your
phone line, that is.
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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