By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are
some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:
You
Just Might Be A Yankee If:
You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to
cook outside."
You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
You
don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
correctly.
For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to
grits.
You don't know what a moon pie is.
You've never had an
RC cola.
You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.
You
eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
You've never seen a live
chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
You have no
idea what a polecat is.
You don't see anything wrong with putting a
sweater on a poodle.
You don't have bangs.
You would rather
vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
More than two
generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in
Connecticut.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow
up to get his own TV fishing show.
Instead of referring to two or more
people as "y'all", you call them "you guys", even if both of them are
women.
You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
You have
never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
You
think more money should go to important scientific research at your
university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
You
don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
The
last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an
on-ramp to the highway.
You don't have any hats in your closet that
advertise feed stores.
The farthest south you've ever been is the
perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
You call binoculars opera
glasses.
You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the
side of the road and stopping.
You would never wear pink or an
applique sweatshirt.
You don't know what applique is.
You don't
know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy
Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice, et al).
You don't have
doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
You've never
been to a craft show.
You get freaked out when people on the subway
talk to you.
You can do your laundry without quarters.
None of
your fur coats are homemade.
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
[Guest-Sign] [Guest-View] [Email]